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Why all the judgement?

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:34 PM
  • 12 Replies
2 moms liked this

We all know that breast is best, but I am so sick of the judgement! Women either can not, or choose not to breastfeed for many reasons. It doesn't make you a bad mom. You can still love and nurture your child, and they may even grow up to be wonderful human beings without being breastfed for their first 3 years! Shocking, I know...

The pressure to be a certain type of mom is so overwheliming. It's not healthy for parenting to be so competitive. It can replace the simple joy of caring for you child with stress and guilt over silly things like feeding your baby a jar of baby food once in awhile. Stop reading books and let your love, instincts, and advice from other moms you know be your guide! I find it hard to believe that one 'expert' has a one size fits all strategy for child rearing. From experience, each child is different, what works well with one, may not work as well with another. It doesn't hurt to educate yourself about various theories and ideas, but take it with a grain of salt and use your own common sense and instincts.

I am a mother to 3 wonderful girls, 11, 3 and 10 weeks. My first took both the breast and bottle from day 1 until 9 months. My second was EBF and nursed until 22 months. At one point her weight was in the 0.03%, yes, .03 percentile. She just wouldn't take a bottle and it caused me tremendous amounts of stress. Now, my third is EBF, but I wish I could get her to take an occassional bottle in case we need to supplement. I just don't buy that an occassional bottle of formula will impact the type of person your child will become.

Obviously breast milk is the ideal food for babies, but many formula fed babies are completely healthy individuals. I agree that if you can nurse, you should, but people need to stop making women feel like bad mothers over it.

Ok, enough ranting.
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EllesmomJen
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:56 PM

Agreed! Thanks for your post.... I was only able to bf for about 5 weeks and that was supplemented with formula as I would only get about an ounce if that at a time. Baby was hungry so I pumped to see what I was getting and it was hardly anything.... It was very hard as everyone had an opinion but I just never produced and dried up and would read of these moms pumping 10 oz at a time, so jealous at the time. But I have a wonderful, healthy little girl! Heck I was formula fed and survived and turned out okay :)

ashleysmommy123
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 1:10 PM

I totally agree with as well.  My 1st who is now 8 was formula fed.  I pumped for about a month and mixed it with her formula but she never would latch.  I was 24 at the time and the idea of BFing stressed me to no end.  I am a private person so I wouldn't do it around people....I felt that I was being pressured by nurses to try and put her to breast more and to pump more and to tell my guests to leave so I would...which again I wouldn't do...so when we got home I continued to try with no luck and I stopped.  She was extremely healthy.....in fact my friend's kids were more sick then she was and they were BFd.  Well I now have my 2nd...she is almost 3 months and I am happy to say that I was successful this time....but at 33 I am calmer and more confident and don't let people get to me.  I had the same crap at the hospital...people telling me to pump more (my milk takes forever to come in and baby was hungry so we had to giver her formula for the 1st week)........but as soon as I got home, I pumped more often and when my milk finally came in I put her on and she has been BFd since.  Now she won't even take a bottle of expressed milk...which aggravates me!  And even if I wanted to switch back to formula....she hates the taste now....so I am in it for as long as she wants it.  But I don't think any less of people for formula feeding....I am just happy that I could Bf this time!

roxanna79
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:06 PM
I breastfed my first exclusively for 10 and a half montjs and switched to milk with my second I bf for 4 months and switched to formula. My second was born tongue tied and we had issues from the start.

My sister has 3 and formula fed all of them never tried bf. Its not my personal choice to bottle feed but it is hers. Doesnt make either of us right or wrong just different. Her being uncomfy doing it would have caused them problems nursing so it is best she bottle fed and the baby was not missing out.
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hollywood74
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:38 PM

my 20 year old just had a baby and they did the same thing to her. telling her your not giving your baby nutrients he really needs if you use formula.they made her feel so bad. i start going off on anybody that told her that. 1 nurse told her her baby could have learning problems if she didnt breast feed. i kicked that nurse out of her room and told anybody in the hospital who would listen what she said. if formula wasnt good, WIC wouldnt give it out. all 4 of my kids were formula babies and they came out just fine. i tell my daughter love your baby with everything in you and you will be a perfect mom.

TableforSeven
by Judy on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:28 PM

Breast is NOT "always" best.  I tried breast feeding my oldest daughter....but it was a nightmare because if an allergy she has.  She needed to be on soy formula....if not for soy, I would not have my wonderful daughter today.  We chose to bottle feed our othe four children.....giving them all soy formula from birth.  I never got into debates with people ove how our kids were fed...I never really cared what people think -- not to mention, the only time I see people caring about how other feed their babies is on here.

Today I have five wonderful, healthy, smart children.....THAT is all that matters to me.

WesternNYmom
by Alaina on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:40 PM

I agree with this post 100%.  As long as the child is getting fed it doesn't matter if the food comes from the breast or bottle. I don't get why people care so much about what others do.

Diamondblue1
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:01 PM
I formula fed all my kids and am currently formula feeding my 2 month old. My kids are very healthy thank God.ppl are still going to get sick, get diseases breastfed or not it's so much pollution and sickness out there and we still have to live in it. Even though breastfed babies might not get AS sick they still can get sick and do.
diaperstodating
by Angel on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:03 PM

I agree with your post! I breastfed all four of my kids, and in my 14 years of being a mother I have never judged a mother who has chose not to.

CotterpinDoozer
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree, the judgement is insane. We nearly lost my DD because the hospital we had her at screwed us and let us take her home when her Jaundice levels were dangerously high. We ended up at a second hospital who then life flighted us to a third and they had her on feeding tubes and wires and lights. I tried to breastfeed her, but guess what, that's a pretty damn stressful situation to be in! My daughter had latching problems. The lactation consultant even told me at one point that while breast was best, if the only way she would eat was by bottle, then use the damn bottle! Sure she still had breast milk supplemented with formula when I needed to, but I would never judge a mom one way or another and I see no reason why anyone else would! It's the same thing as the working vs sahm thing. Just stop being so judgemental of other moms and concentrate on your own family and what's best for them, ya know?


garrettleesmom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:33 AM
Great post it seems like no matter what you do someone is going to tell you how horrible it is. My son was 2 months premature and i tried breastfeeding him. My original plan was to only breast feed. But with the nicu time, being only 2lbs, and being fed through a tube. It made it very difficult to get him to take an entire feeding by breast. Every feeding i would breastfeed him, give him a bottle supplemented with formula, and then pump. The whole process could take 2 hours. When he was 6 months i had enough and i quit and switched him to just formula. He has done wonderful, at 15 months we just switched him to whole milk. The dr had me wait a little longer because of his size.
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