Defiant child *UPDATE*

[Izryalsmom]

Hi...first time posting so please be nice...lol. My son is 3&1/2, and seems to think that he is the boss. He talks back to me and my husband, blatantly chooses to ignore us when we tell him to do something, or looks at us and smirks, then continues to do whatever it is we are telling him not to do. I'm so frustrated, I've tried time outs, taking away toys, going to bed early, and even spanking. NOTHING is working. He's even been kicked out of the child care center at church for hitting other kids. When I talk to him about keeping his hands to himself, he says he understands and it seems to me that he gets what I'm saying, but he does these things anyway. His preschool teacher called it extreme defiance. Any advice on how to deal with this?

UPDATE....so I finally got 123magic after a long wait list at the library. It works wonders, and I will be recommending it to anyone in my situation. The key, which I knew, was definitely consistency. But it took 123magic to get my DH to understand this. Thanks for all the tips and well wishes ladies!!!!

[mumsy2three]

Check out 123 Magic. If you and your husband are consistent with follow through this program it works very well. I found the book and dvd at my library. Good luck.

[cecisMama]

I will check out 123magic!

[Jinxed8]

At this point, I would consult a therapist.  My sister had defiance problems with her son and she went for 1 session with a child therapist who gave her key pointers, she applied them and never had problems again.

[MommyTo5Boys]

Take him to a therapist. 

[mustloveanimals]

Hi, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, but please let us know how you make out with the therapist and with 123Magic! Good luck!

[Izryalsmom]

Thanks for the advice, I will look into it. Was planning a trip to the library today anyway.

Quoting mumsy2three:

Check out 123 Magic. If you and your husband are consistent with follow through this program it works very well. I found the book and dvd at my library. Good luck.

[Izryalsmom]

Will do, thanks!

Quoting mustloveanimals:

Hi, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, but please let us know how you make out with the therapist and with 123Magic! Good luck!

[countrymomma81]

I wish I had some. My son was the same way and he just turned 10 and is sort of growing out of it now. We put him on Vyvanse to try and calm him down and it worked, but he still was defiant. 

[Cate1129]

They key here is consistency. Keep setting strong boundaries, always respond swiftly and firmly when he acts out. Sounds like he is testing his boundaries right now, and you need to show him what is expected of him. However you choose to discipline stick to it. He is just searching for his place in the world, and he NEEDS you to show him! Good luck!

[HappySquirrel]

I agree with the previous post. It seemed and sometimes still seems like we are exacting a punishment a bit too harshly, but when I see him doing something we have told him very clearly not to do, he brings it on himself. And our boy will wait until we are in a good mood and then try something only sort of naughty.. It escalates from there so we just need to stay on him.