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I'm torn

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:30 PM
  • 18 Replies

I'm a SAHM and my 2 yr old boy stays at home with me during the day.  I've been watching my friend's 2 yr old son 3 (sometimes 4) days a week since last winter while she has been taking classes at the community college.  When it started, I offered to watch him for a few hours a day and she offered to pay me.  I told her I wasn't doing it for the money, though she knows we are financially strapped and anything she gives me definitely helps.  At first, I would watch him like 8-noon.  During the summer, her daughter came over a few days as well (and I had my 2 older girls at home).  Last semester I watched him 8-2:30.  This semester (that started in January) I started out watching him 9-3 two days and 9-5 one day.  Then she changed it to 9-3 one day and 9-5 two days.  Last week one of those long days became 9-7 and it worked out so well for HER that she wants to continue that. 

Not only do I feel bad that her son is spending SO much time away from his family, but things around here are beginning to change as well.  The afternoons are seriously getting stressful at my house.  When my girls get home from school I have to help them with homework, check over work and sign forms, oversee the 2 year old boys playing/fighting over toys and make dinner.  Wednesday is now the 9-7 day and we have church that night as well.  So we have to eat dinner a little earlier, pick up an elderly lady on the way to church and drop off my friend's son to his house all before church starts at 7pm.  Last night she asked for more time and so I ended up bringing him to church with us and dropping him off afterwards - at 8:15.

This whole time she hasn't offered me any more money than when I started a year ago.  But again, I'm not doing it to make a ton of money.  But I also feel like she is completely taking advantage of me.  On the other hand... she's going to be going to school and needing homework time and she would put him in a child watch program if I wasn't watching him.  She has looked into Preschools and they cost too much.  There is a place called Playdate in town that will keep your child for $7 an hour, but they have a limit of 5 hrs a day I think, and he can't nap there.  She has said how grateful she is that he is here with someone who he knows and loves.

I'm really conflicted.  I don't want to rock the boat.  She's overly stressed with harder classes this semester and I know she needs the extra time for homework, study groups, etc.

And don't even get me started about where her 7 year old daughter is doing after school.  These poor children just want their mom.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frstldyhmsch
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:59 PM
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Oh Boy...it does sound like you are being taken advantage of...and maybe not intentionally ya' know. I would let her know that your schedule will be changing with in 2-3 weeks...Let her know which days & hours you will be available...type it out for her. Let her know that you will still  be able to keep the baby, but according to your schedule. You don't have to give her specifics about the schedule changes and what you have going on...just draw up your availability and a start date for the changes to begin. That way you're not hurting her feelings and giving her plenty of time to find another option.


 Through the eyes of a "Teacher Momma " typing


http://www.branyact.blogspot.com/  Let's talk homeschool  

debmom07
by Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:16 PM
Wow oh wow. That's a lot of work for you to raise her kidos. I agree reset a lighter schudule. Good luck. If she is really your friend she will understand.
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C.Fleury
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:21 PM
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Don't let her use school as an excuse. My daughter was 2 1/2 and my son was 1, and I went to go school to become and RN, all while taking care of BOTH my kids on my own. When I went to school, they went with me to the child care center, wen I left they obviously left with me. I had to study while they slept at night. Dot get me wrong, it was so hard on myself. However I wouldn't trade a single moment of it. I did it all on my own and my kids grew up learning from what I did.

Sit her down and talk to her, if not she will keep pushing and pushing. You need time for yourself and your family.
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isaacsmommy68
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this

You are being taken advantage of. Ask her to pay you $2.50 an hour (that is what my sitter charges per hour, up to $25 a day). Let her know it is too much and you cannot afford to feed her child all the time. If you let this go he will end up ther 7 days a week. I went to school with a 2 year old too. I paid a sitter and ran afterwards to get him because I missed him. If I didnt pay, he didnt stay!

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:30 AM
I agree. Hugs and best wishes!

Quoting C.Fleury:

Don't let her use school as an excuse. My daughter was 2 1/2 and my son was 1, and I went to go school to become and RN, all while taking care of BOTH my kids on my own. When I went to school, they went with me to the child care center, wen I left they obviously left with me. I had to study while they slept at night. Dot get me wrong, it was so hard on myself. However I wouldn't trade a single moment of it. I did it all on my own and my kids grew up learning from what I did.



Sit her down and talk to her, if not she will keep pushing and pushing. You need time for yourself and your family.
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Pukalani79
by Kris on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:34 AM

 

I watched my neice for awile, and it ended up causing a lot of stress in the house.  I finally had to tell my sister that it was just not working.  Not the easiest thing to do, but she understand.  I agree with what this previous poster wrote:

Quoting frstldyhmsch:

Oh Boy...it does sound like you are being taken advantage of...and maybe not intentionally ya' know. I would let her know that your schedule will be changing with in 2-3 weeks...Let her know which days & hours you will be available...type it out for her. Let her know that you will still  be able to keep the baby, but according to your schedule. You don't have to give her specifics about the schedule changes and what you have going on...just draw up your availability and a start date for the changes to begin. That way you're not hurting her feelings and giving her plenty of time to find another option.


 

Marimaru
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:43 PM

I think you either need to charge more money, or tell her that the original time deal is what has to stand.  And if you consider going the money route, you need to charge enough that the stress is worth it.  I think you also need to tell her that Wednesday can't be the 7pm day because you have prior plans.

JuicyRedTomato
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:55 PM

Where are the kid's father(s)? THEY should be compensating and adjusting the schedule, not you.

I,too, am in school currently to complete my grad degree with a concentration in criminology (which is not an easy concentration) I have two kids (3 and 5) and am also homeschooling my 5 year old. However, I do almost all my schooling at NIGHT so that way I can be responsible for my children foremost. Do I sacrifice sleep staying up til 3 doing homework? Yes. Is it worth it to know I'm available for my kids? Hell yes.


I understand why you are conflicted, but you can't sacrifice the well being of your family for the betterment of hers. That's an unrealistic expectation.

CotterpinDoozer
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:04 PM

Yes, she's definitely taking advantage of you. Tell her that you cannot keep the schedule she wants, and reset it to an earlier time. She may not realize she's doing it, but either way, you may want to find a way to let her know that you can't keep watching him the way you are. If she's a true friend she'll understand. She may not even realize what she's doing. Good luck to you!


SassyLaLa85
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:23 PM
I would set a price for the week and tell her what that price is...you say you don't do it for the money, but you are feeding and taking care of another child and having to take him home. She needs to step it up and make some adjustments for her children. School is important however your kids should come first
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