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I've come to the realization......

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:36 PM
  • 23 Replies
I must be a horrible person. Hubby gets invited every where by his brothers and friends. No one ever invites me anywhere. They all make plans in front of me and do not include me. If I do get asked its because either Hubby says something to them or I become sarcastic to block my feelings and I've come out and have asked to go places. I like to think I was fine and was fun to be with but I don't know if I'm doing something wrong. I used to hang with my neighbor and after she made a rude comment I let it go and never brought it up again. There has been numerous times I've made plans with people and they have cancelled and never re-made plans :(

I've been living in PA for 12.5 yrs now and still have no friends.
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CotterpinDoozer
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. If you don't mind my asking, do you work or are you a SAHM? Sometimes, I think it might be harder for some SAHM's to make friends, especially if they've been a SAHM for a long time. If you do work, are there any coworkers that you get along with? Maybe make some social plans with a coworker if you have one. There are meetup sites you can look into to see about finding some friends? Meetup.com often has several groups going on at once. Maybe look into something like that?

I think it's really rude to make plans in front of someone who you aren't including, but that's my own viewpoint. Have you spoken with your DH about how you're feeling?


LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:03 PM
I used to work from home for 2 yrs and recently got a job that's seasonal so I will have my summers off. I work from Sept to April or May. They've gone out at work for happy hour but I was asked out once. I had to take my kids to dance. I have talked to Hubby about it and he doesn't know either. I have let things go that were mean and said to me. I try to ignore certain things. I've tried the Meetings site but lots of them costs money and I don't have a lot right now.

Quoting CotterpinDoozer:

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. If you don't mind my asking, do you work or are you a SAHM? Sometimes, I think it might be harder for some SAHM's to make friends, especially if they've been a SAHM for a long time. If you do work, are there any coworkers that you get along with? Maybe make some social plans with a coworker if you have one. There are meetup sites you can look into to see about finding some friends? Meetup.com often has several groups going on at once. Maybe look into something like that?

I think it's really rude to make plans in front of someone who you aren't including, but that's my own viewpoint. Have you spoken with your DH about how you're feeling?

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Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:12 PM
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I don't know what to say to you.  I kinda feel the same way although not to the degree like you are saying where plans are made in front of you and you aren't invited.  But I know that mutual friends get together and don't invite me.  I've been here for 17 years and have attended the same large church for all of those years and don't have anyone that invites me to do things or get together or anything like that.  It sucks being lonely.  I have six children and just try to immerse myself in my family and being content in doing that.  I'm not really but I try.  It hurts everytime I see mutual friends, friends that would have never met had I not introduced them, getting together and never one time inviting me. 

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  I feel like maybe I'm not a very warm or approachable person.  I don't know if that is the problem or not but even if it were, I don't know how to fix that.  I dunno.  I wish you the best.

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:09 PM

Could it be because they think you won't have a sitter?

MJP76
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM

No offense but I WISH I had this problem... LOL I mean not the whole people being jerks to you and in front of you, that sucks, and I'm sorry people are treating you like a lepar...

but mine issue is the opposite, (unless its one of our neighbors I don't mind walking across the street to hang) people keep inviting me to things I just don't care to attend... I've even tried to be polite and say, we have busy lives and really have no time to "hang". And I still keep getting invited to crap.

but the reality of it is, when we do have free time, I like to spend it with my husband and kids. We don't go to bars anymore, and the things we like to do my group of friends couldn't afford (except neighbors)...

i could care less about a girls night and I've told these people as politely as I can.. They just don't seem to get it.

*end rant*

idk my first guess would have been what was already mentioned the sitter thing...

LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:46 PM
No they know Hubby will watch the kids or my In-laws.

Quoting countrymomma81:

Could it be because they think you won't have a sitter?

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countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

Hmm. I don't know then. 

I have the same thing sometimes. I'm really close with my sister in law and her cousin. The three of us are together almost the whole week. Sometimes I find out that they do things on weekends without me. It hurts but I know they don't ask because they figure I'm busy with my husband and the kids. Neither of them have kids and SIL's husband is always working and her cousin's boyfriend does his own thing a lot. Neither of them have anything tying them down. 

Sometimes I feel bad but I have to realize that they, being cousins, have a relationship outside of me. It sucks because I never leave either of them out but it is what it is. 

Quoting LuvHugs429:

No they know Hubby will watch the kids or my In-laws.

Quoting countrymomma81:

Could it be because they think you won't have a sitter?


CotterpinDoozer
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:04 PM

I'm sorry, and yes a lot of them do cost money. Have you tried organizing something for a few of your coworkers? Maybe invite them to go out with you and see if people agree? It's sucks and it's hard when you aren't quite sure why you aren't clicking with someone.

Quoting LuvHugs429:

I used to work from home for 2 yrs and recently got a job that's seasonal so I will have my summers off. I work from Sept to April or May. They've gone out at work for happy hour but I was asked out once. I had to take my kids to dance. I have talked to Hubby about it and he doesn't know either. I have let things go that were mean and said to me. I try to ignore certain things. I've tried the Meetings site but lots of them costs money and I don't have a lot right now.

Quoting CotterpinDoozer:

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. If you don't mind my asking, do you work or are you a SAHM? Sometimes, I think it might be harder for some SAHM's to make friends, especially if they've been a SAHM for a long time. If you do work, are there any coworkers that you get along with? Maybe make some social plans with a coworker if you have one. There are meetup sites you can look into to see about finding some friends? Meetup.com often has several groups going on at once. Maybe look into something like that?

I think it's really rude to make plans in front of someone who you aren't including, but that's my own viewpoint. Have you spoken with your DH about how you're feeling?



mama.samm.2.3
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Maybe you could try inviting your co-workers out to do something? I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
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Graidyn
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:02 PM
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Why would you automatically think you're a horrible person? Maybe they think you don't like the things they do. Maybe they think you'll say no. Why don't you just ask them?

I guess I have the same problem, though in some ways I tend to isolate myself. I'm a little too blunt and honest the majority of the time, though I do try not to hurt feelings (and often fail). I generally feel that if you ask a question you actually want the answer - but it seems that most people want to hear what it is they want to hear, not the opinion they asked for. I don't play that game all that well, and I'm really not that interested in trying. I also get very annoyed when people want to talk about friend #3 with me behind their back and then get pissed at me when I won't play that game either. I'm a bit too loyal for that. And since that person wants to talk about that person with me, I then know they'll talk about me with me with #3 or #4 or whatever and I find that distasteful. 

I realize that for many women this is apparently the norm and some sort of girl code, but I'd rather be talked about to my face and give others that same courtesy. It doesn't earn me a whole lot of cohorts, lol. But whatever, the couple I do have value me for who I am and I don't feel like a teenager in a new school trying to fit in so I guess I'd rather have the two friends I have (one of which is my sister) or none at all then try to be something I'm not?

I am very sorry that you feel lonely, but I'll be happy to be an online friend if you can stand me, heh.

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