Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Did I reply correctly?

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:50 AM
  • 10 Replies

OK - just want some input on this.

There is a family here in town that I have met the mother a few times.  Honestly - we have less-than-nothing in common (aside from both being from the states).  Her family seems quite disfunctional (to say the least).  From everything I have seen - they are a toxic family and I have succeeded in staying away from them for the most part.  
My youngest daughter though has become friends with one of the daughters in the family.  My daughter is 13, the other girl is 11.  My daughter is far from perfect -- but she is not a 'bad' kid in any way.

I get a message on facebook today from this woman - first acting as though she wanted to shoot the breeze.  I am helping a few other women plan an event for the English-speakers in town and that was what this woman mentioned first.  I sent her a bit more info about the event....but I don't know all of the details yet myself.

Then I get another message from her saying:  
 so, i think it is nice that C (her daughter) and J (my daughter) are friends, but can you please ask her to tone down her conversations with her and to please remembr that C is only 11

I replied saying that I will gladly speak to my daughter if she could tell me what she means by this.  I said that I can't really talk to my daughter when I don't know what is going on.
I have not heard back from her yet -- and DD is volunteering this afternoon then has an event back at school - so she probably won't be home for a few more hours.  Like I said - my daughter is far from perfect - but she is NOT a bad kid.  She isn't the type to curse or be mean to others -- I have NO CLUE what this woman's issues are with my daughter.  I try not to tell my kids who they can be friends with....but I feel like I should tell her to stay away from C -- at least for a while.

I don't know - how would you ladies have replied to this odd message? 

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
CampClan
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:56 AM
I think you handled it wonderfully. I too would want to know what they were talking about before addressing my DD. Maybe her DD has questions about things she feels she can't go to her own mom about? If so that is very sad.

& BTW yes- 13 is 2 years older but I have 2 girls who are 18 months apart & the younger acts more mature than the older sometimes. Just saying yes she may be only 11 but maybe her maturity is older?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:18 AM

Without more info from the other mom, I wouldn't say a word to my daughter. The mom may just be stirring the pot to see what happens. I think we have all met women who do this. If your gut tells you that this friendship may not be good for your daughter, then I would quietly try to keep them apart. 

TableforSeven
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:46 AM


Quoting CampClan:

I think you handled it wonderfully. I too would want to know what they were talking about before addressing my DD. Maybe her DD has questions about things she feels she can't go to her own mom about? If so that is very sad.

& BTW yes- 13 is 2 years older but I have 2 girls who are 18 months apart & the younger acts more mature than the older sometimes. Just saying yes she may be only 11 but maybe her maturity is older?

I don't know the other girl very well...but she seems nice.  She is very quiet - but given what I do know about her home-life, that doesn't surprise me.

My 13 year old is a bit immature for her age -- which is fine (in my opinion).  She has always had closer friends who are younger than her by a year or two.  Her best friend before we moved was also two years younger.

TableforSeven
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:48 AM

Quoting LuckyMom822:

Without more info from the other mom, I wouldn't say a word to my daughter. The mom may just be stirring the pot to see what happens. I think we have all met women who do this. If your gut tells you that this friendship may not be good for your daughter, then I would quietly try to keep them apart. 

Yes - this is a tough one.  I really don't trust the other mother....which is why I avoid her.  If I feel my daughter will get hurt - I will tell her to back away from this girl.  But, at least from what I've seen so far, they are fine together.

It annoys me that the other mother didn't really give any INFO on what she's talking about.  If you want to bitch about my child -- at least be specific about it.  Know what I mean?  :-S


LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:53 AM


Quoting TableforSeven:


Quoting LuckyMom822:

Without more info from the other mom, I wouldn't say a word to my daughter. The mom may just be stirring the pot to see what happens. I think we have all met women who do this. If your gut tells you that this friendship may not be good for your daughter, then I would quietly try to keep them apart. 

Yes - this is a tough one.  I really don't trust the other mother....which is why I avoid her.  If I feel my daughter will get hurt - I will tell her to back away from this girl.  But, at least from what I've seen so far, they are fine together.

It annoys me that the other mother didn't really give any INFO on what she's talking about.  If you want to bitch about my child -- at least be specific about it.  Know what I mean?  :-S


I agree. She may have overheard a conversation that the girls had or she could have just been saying to ask your daughter not to tell her daughter about Santa. Maybe the girls had a disagreement and that mom is getting involved and not staying out of it.  She wasn't clear at all. She took a passive aggressive approach and that alone is shady to me. I would blow her off until she puts on her big girl panties and tells you exactly what she meant. 

TableforSeven
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:04 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting LuckyMom822:


Quoting TableforSeven:


Quoting LuckyMom822:

Without more info from the other mom, I wouldn't say a word to my daughter. The mom may just be stirring the pot to see what happens. I think we have all met women who do this. If your gut tells you that this friendship may not be good for your daughter, then I would quietly try to keep them apart. 

Yes - this is a tough one.  I really don't trust the other mother....which is why I avoid her.  If I feel my daughter will get hurt - I will tell her to back away from this girl.  But, at least from what I've seen so far, they are fine together.

It annoys me that the other mother didn't really give any INFO on what she's talking about.  If you want to bitch about my child -- at least be specific about it.  Know what I mean?  :-S


I agree. She may have overheard a conversation that the girls had or she could have just been saying to ask your daughter not to tell her daughter about Santa. Maybe the girls had a disagreement and that mom is getting involved and not staying out of it.  She wasn't clear at all. She took a passive aggressive approach and that alone is shady to me. I would blow her off until she puts on her big girl panties and tells you exactly what she meant. 

I showed the entire conversation to DH.  He and I agree with what you said -- I don't plan on saying anything to DD unless this lady gives me a little more information.  The funny thing is -- DD spent yesterday afternoon at a different friend's house - I'm pretty sure she didn't even see this lady's daughter.  And today is a full school day - DD and the girl aren't in the same school and DD is off with another friend all afternoon/evening.  I am so confused -- and, apparently over-thinking things now.  I need to let it go unless/until I get more info.  **sigh**

jaytee
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:27 AM
Why don't you trust this woman?

I think you handled the situation well
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mumsy2three
by Shauna on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:30 AM

I would have asked for more information as well~ "tone down her conversations" is pretty vague.

TableforSeven
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:43 AM


Quoting jaytee:

Why don't you trust this woman?

I think you handled the situation well

I have not had too much contact with her since we moved here last fall.  But I have had enough contact with her to know I need to stay away.  The little I do know about them - they are a very toxic family with some serious issues.  At least the parents are....the little I know about some of their kids, they seem to be ok.

MJP76
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:39 PM

I would have replied like you did.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)