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Sister trouble

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:23 PM
  • 7 Replies
My sister lives close to our dad and has always taken him to his doctor apptments. Our aunt died the first of the year and we where talking about how hard it is on her doing everything for daddy. So I told her that I would start going with them to his apptments . So daddy has one this week and I called my sister to see what time I need to be at daddys and she told me but than went on to say that they didnt know what time they would be back and how daddy took forever when they went places. His doctor is 2hours away for me. I want to go but the way she was talking I get the feeling she or they dont want me tagging along. I ask and she says its whatever just letting you know. So I guess ny ? is should I go or just stay home?
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by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:23 PM
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SallyB_LMT
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I think maybe the appointment thing is something she is used to doing and since she probably knows all his health issues and other stuff it's more reasonable for her to do that, perhaps you could offer to help pay for gas for all her running around?  It's not going to be convenient for you to go to all of his appointments and it's not going to really help her out, but because she is having to do all the running around giving her the some monetary encouragement, even if it's just $10 for gas for each of his appointments, since she's doing the actual work, would be really appreciated I'm sure.  Although, I don't know...if you think she'd be offended then...well, you know.  :)  It's just a thought.

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  I don't think it's something your sister 'needs' you to do, she just needs someone to complain to about it.  Maybe ask if she would like you to do something else for your dad, like coming out to clean his house every other week or making him a bunch of meals to put in the freezer.  I get the feeling, just from your short little paragraph, that she is overwhelmed with caring for him.  The dr thing is something she's going to have to do because she's gone to all of them and she knows all of his health issues and it's convenient for her to do it, even if it takes time out of her schedule. 

Hope I helped a little bit.  :)

mom2ALUnREU
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:48 PM
My dad gives her gas money for taken him and I go out to see him on my weekends off. I leave over an hour away from him. I help when I can but just thought that I would go meet the doctor and that way if she could go I could. I just really wanted to spend time with them.


Quoting SallyB_LMT:

I think maybe the appointment thing is something she is used to doing and since she probably knows all his health issues and other stuff it's more reasonable for her to do that, perhaps you could offer to help pay for gas for all her running around?  It's not going to be convenient for you to go to all of his appointments and it's not going to really help her out, but because she is having to do all the running around giving her the some monetary encouragement, even if it's just $10 for gas for each of his appointments, since she's doing the actual work, would be really appreciated I'm sure.  Although, I don't know...if you think she'd be offended then...well, you know.  :)  It's just a thought.

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  I don't think it's something your sister 'needs' you to do, she just needs someone to complain to about it.  Maybe ask if she would like you to do something else for your dad, like coming out to clean his house every other week or making him a bunch of meals to put in the freezer.  I get the feeling, just from your short little paragraph, that she is overwhelmed with caring for him.  The dr thing is something she's going to have to do because she's gone to all of them and she knows all of his health issues and it's convenient for her to do it, even if it takes time out of her schedule. 

Hope I helped a little bit.  :)


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LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:43 PM

I would go if you really wanted to spend time with them. I agree with Sally that she was probably just a little overwhelmed at the moment and wanted to complain. She might feel guilty for doing so. I would go and make a day of it. If sis seems uncomfortable with it, then you have your answer for next time.

Quoting mom2ALUnREU:

My dad gives her gas money for taken him and I go out to see him on my weekends off. I leave over an hour away from him. I help when I can but just thought that I would go meet the doctor and that way if she could go I could. I just really wanted to spend time with them.


Quoting SallyB_LMT:

I think maybe the appointment thing is something she is used to doing and since she probably knows all his health issues and other stuff it's more reasonable for her to do that, perhaps you could offer to help pay for gas for all her running around?  It's not going to be convenient for you to go to all of his appointments and it's not going to really help her out, but because she is having to do all the running around giving her the some monetary encouragement, even if it's just $10 for gas for each of his appointments, since she's doing the actual work, would be really appreciated I'm sure.  Although, I don't know...if you think she'd be offended then...well, you know.  :)  It's just a thought.

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  I don't think it's something your sister 'needs' you to do, she just needs someone to complain to about it.  Maybe ask if she would like you to do something else for your dad, like coming out to clean his house every other week or making him a bunch of meals to put in the freezer.  I get the feeling, just from your short little paragraph, that she is overwhelmed with caring for him.  The dr thing is something she's going to have to do because she's gone to all of them and she knows all of his health issues and it's convenient for her to do it, even if it takes time out of her schedule. 

Hope I helped a little bit.  :)



SallyB_LMT
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:44 PM

Ya, I understand.  I obviously don't know the entire situation, but I am sure you are helping as much as you can at this point.  My mom lives with me, she has her own area of the house.  I don't have to drive her to any appointments at this point because she is still able to take herself, however, if it gets to that point...my sister lives 4 hours away and she isn't able to get down here often and if mom gets sick, I am the one making her soup and making sure she eats it.  I am sure your sister knows you would help more if you could.  I think it's a good idea for you to meet his dr, she's probably just got her own routine down and doesn't want to inconvenience you.  I would go if that's what you want to do.  Lol, like how I change my mind?  ;) 

Just curious, what kind of appointments are we talking about?  If he's seeing a bunch of drs to treat various conditions, it might be good to have a system of information sharing, like a spreadsheet that you both can access to input stuff from the dr so you both know what's going on with his conditions.  I wish you luck.  Having an older parent is difficult, especially when you don't live close by and you can't be there at the drop of a hat.  My ILs are 66/70 and we live over 800 miles from them, when my MIL was going through chemo, a couple of years ago, I wished she lived closer so that we could help out.  It was stressful worrying about her going through all that with just my FIL to take care of her.  I keep trying to convince them they should move here, but so far they're giving me the run-around.  I don't think they'll move down until one of them dies.  Much as it pains me to say that.  :( 

My FIL has multiple health issues as well and if we lived closer one of us could go with him to his appointments, because he's horrible about remembering what his dr tells him and he is on multiple medications which can cause a myriad of issues.  My MIL goes with him when she can, but when she was sick she couldn't go and I just wish they were closer. 

Quoting mom2ALUnREU:

My dad gives her gas money for taken him and I go out to see him on my weekends off. I leave over an hour away from him. I help when I can but just thought that I would go meet the doctor and that way if she could go I could. I just really wanted to spend time with them.


Quoting SallyB_LMT:

I think maybe the appointment thing is something she is used to doing and since she probably knows all his health issues and other stuff it's more reasonable for her to do that, perhaps you could offer to help pay for gas for all her running around?  It's not going to be convenient for you to go to all of his appointments and it's not going to really help her out, but because she is having to do all the running around giving her the some monetary encouragement, even if it's just $10 for gas for each of his appointments, since she's doing the actual work, would be really appreciated I'm sure.  Although, I don't know...if you think she'd be offended then...well, you know.  :)  It's just a thought.

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  I don't think it's something your sister 'needs' you to do, she just needs someone to complain to about it.  Maybe ask if she would like you to do something else for your dad, like coming out to clean his house every other week or making him a bunch of meals to put in the freezer.  I get the feeling, just from your short little paragraph, that she is overwhelmed with caring for him.  The dr thing is something she's going to have to do because she's gone to all of them and she knows all of his health issues and it's convenient for her to do it, even if it takes time out of her schedule. 

Hope I helped a little bit.  :)




KylesMom409
by Linnette on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:47 PM
I agree.

Quoting LuckyMom822:

I would go if you really wanted to spend time with them. I agree with Sally that she was probably just a little overwhelmed at the moment and wanted to complain. She might feel guilty for doing so. I would go and make a day of it. If sis seems uncomfortable with it, then you have your answer for next time.

Quoting mom2ALUnREU:

My dad gives her gas money for taken him and I go out to see him on my weekends off. I leave over an hour away from him. I help when I can but just thought that I would go meet the doctor and that way if she could go I could. I just really wanted to spend time with them.





Quoting SallyB_LMT:

I think maybe the appointment thing is something she is used to doing and since she probably knows all his health issues and other stuff it's more reasonable for her to do that, perhaps you could offer to help pay for gas for all her running around?  It's not going to be convenient for you to go to all of his appointments and it's not going to really help her out, but because she is having to do all the running around giving her the some monetary encouragement, even if it's just $10 for gas for each of his appointments, since she's doing the actual work, would be really appreciated I'm sure.  Although, I don't know...if you think she'd be offended then...well, you know.  :)  It's just a thought.

Honestly, I wouldn't go.  I don't think it's something your sister 'needs' you to do, she just needs someone to complain to about it.  Maybe ask if she would like you to do something else for your dad, like coming out to clean his house every other week or making him a bunch of meals to put in the freezer.  I get the feeling, just from your short little paragraph, that she is overwhelmed with caring for him.  The dr thing is something she's going to have to do because she's gone to all of them and she knows all of his health issues and it's convenient for her to do it, even if it takes time out of her schedule. 

Hope I helped a little bit.  :)




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pottymouthmommy
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:12 PM
Maybe send your sister a nice thank you card and acknowledge how much you appreciate her helping out with dad. Maybe throw in a manicure pedicure gift card. Sometimes good souls just want to be appreciated for being just that.
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Marimaru
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Would it be helpful for you to go to the appointment with them, or would it maybe be helpful for you to take over doing something else your sister does?  Maybe you could go over there one weekend a cook a bunch of stuff that could go in the freezer for easy meals or something like that instead?

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