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What defines you?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:46 PM
  • 23 Replies
1 mom liked this
Until now, my achievements in school and career were used to define me.

I came from a rough side of town. I am only the 2nd person in my family to receive a college degree. I was one of the most highly paid in my family, most of my family are labor type workers. So when I became a SAHM I struggled with what now defines me. I am not trying to be shallow. My family is a wonderful accomplishment. I just discovered one day when updating my occupation on a doctors form that I was a little sad to no longer claim my prior title, maybe even a little smaller to claim SAHM. I feel bad to have such feelings because the job of a SAHM is demanding and difficult, but rewarding. It is by no means a bad thing.

Would claiming an occupation of Domestic Engineer make me feel any better? Is this as simple as just a title or my being afraid of the new road ahead for me?

Have you struggled with this upon leaving your career to take care of your family?
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:21 AM

more like not continuing my career goals because of my family.  I always dreamt of working Internal Affairs for a police department or even being a cop or criminal prosecutor but those can be dangerous careers given the environment and i dont want to put my family at risk.  I also would feel guilty going back to school to further my career rather than save up for my own kids colleges.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:22 AM
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 the only thing that defines me is me.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:12 AM

I understand where you are coming from. I too was also first to go to college and I did receive my AA and started on my BA, but because of certian circumstance have not been able to finish, it is still a goal but one that can wait. Also when I was not in school my jobs would define me, well for the last 2yrs I have not worked because of health issues and I have become a SAHM, which I have not done since my DD was a newborn. I took a year off when she was born as at the time I was able to take that time to spend as a new mom. It is hard not having a title that is attached to a status and that is just it, though our society does not claim to be part of the social classes, it very much defines everyone. After realizing this, it was easy to start letting go, because when I really think about it, I do not want to be defined by my job title, my income bracket, my neighborhood, ethniicity, culture, fashion sense... etc... when you think about it all those things change over time. I would rather be defined by my actions, my words, my kindness to others... those are characteristics that no one can take away.. and though there is much I would like to improve on, the best thing is I am able to do that on a day to day basis and teach my child values that go beyond a status statement. These are the fruits of the spirits as talked about in the bible, the best guide book I have ever found.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:45 AM


Quoting opinionatedmom:

 the only thing that defines me is me.


by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:54 AM

I define me.  My job does not define me AT ALL - hey I wish I could quit and become a SAHM but financially I can't, thanks to my divorce I had to start all over again and buy a new house for which I'm in debt for, for the next 368 months !

I laugh when people ask me my job title ... because what exactly is it ? I'm not even sure myself - I've been here so long and it's a small company even though we have several offices , I touch a little of everything in this company ;  sometimes I'm sales manager, sometimes I'm an executive, sometimes I'm a sales rep, I've also acted as human ressources, marketing and purchasing. 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:55 AM

I stayed at home with DD for a year shortly after having her and I struggled a lot with it.  I have always been academic and ambitious and have always had a career and never expected to stay home.  Circumstances at the time forced me to and I really had a hard time because I couldn't define myself. 

I knew I was a mom, but for me I wanted to be more than just a mom and it took a while for me to admit that.  It took a lot for me to say that I love being a mom but I want to be more than just a mom.  I actually went back to work before DD turned 2 for my own sanity and to really truly re-define myself. 

There are many things that define me - I'm a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a career woman, an entrepreneur.  For me, it was important to be able to retain my independence and have accomplishments outside of the home because I wanted to be an example for DD.  I didn't want to be defined as just a mom and a wife, but as more than own person.   

by Linnette on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Quoting opinionatedmom:

 the only thing that defines me is me.

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by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I guess my education and overall achievements used to define me ..I never really thought about it. I am the first female in my family to graduate with a university degree(from Canada) so that was a huge deal. I was also the first classically trained pianist, and well overall high achiever throughout school in both academics and extracurriculars.

I only had a couple jobs in my field after graduating before I got knocked up and married, so I guess it didn't phase me as much to leave...honestly I never thought much to define myself though. I know I have heard many new moms say that they are "losing themselves" or that they "dont know who they are anymore" after having kids. I suppose I don't think about "who i am" so much. LOL. I don't know if thats a good thing....  

I think I am much more than any achievements I can put under my belt. And even if babies and cleaning and laundry and other Simple Simon stuff takes up most of my time these days, it doesn't bother me too much. I just wish I could get out more!

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:34 AM
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I always put "mom" down as my job. Lol Even though I do so much more, mom is the top priority and I'm proud of it. I do all my other jobs around my mom job. But then in my family just being a good mom is a bigger accomplishment than college or career.
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by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:37 AM

Im Lawyer passed out with a first calss honors from Law School (currently full time mom to a 8 months old son) and a Management Graduate and holds a Masters in Business Admin again passed out with Distinctions.  I have regretted so many times for breaking my career ( A practicing Litigator cum a Visiting Lecturer in Business Management) a year and 7 months back when I found that Im preggy. BUT now I have realised, what defines me is my family (Parents, DH and my dearest son)

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