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Does your parenting style challenge your parents views?

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:09 PM
  • 16 Replies

My mother babysits for us on Fridays. It really helps us out ($), but my girls kinda hate it. My oldest whispers to me that she doesn't like it and the toddler cries most of the day. (This is not a new situation, its been going on for a year and a half now.)

My mom hates that I exclusively bf (15 mos old). She always has a rude comment about it. And we co-sleep, except naps which are usually in the crib. But I don't really care where she sleeps, sometimes its on the couch. She constantly asks about the crib and tells us we are spoiling her.

She does 'cry it out' for naps, and has left them taking naps while she sits outside (out of hearing range) or leaves them asleep in the car while she is inside. Our neighborhood is safe, but I can't imagine not being able to hear them if they needed me. Worse still, is when she gave the baby a children's strength medicine/dose because she didn't think it was much different.

We've tried suggesting other things, telling her what works for us, but she won't take a hint. I've been easy going about it. But now I need to have a real talk. I worry that it will ruin our relationship and hers with the kids.

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TugBoatMama
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Oh do they ever!

Lol my folks are about as conservative as you can get. My hubs and I are liberals through and through. My mom likes to take the kids on Saturdays for a few hours. She also takes them to church with her on Sundays.

She loves to drop little hints that she is not too thrilled with our views on things. But I have learned to just smile and nod. I simply don't care to argue with her.

BOOGIETHEBOOG
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:18 PM

My mom might not always agree with the my parenting style.But she knows that they are loved and taken care of. 

wintermermaid
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:23 PM

I think there's some wiggle room in some things in terms of careproviders watching our kids... but I think other things would be more concerning to me.. things like safety and actions that go against the very core of our parenting style. 

I'm assuming at 15 mos old, your kiddo is also eating some solids and isn't strictly bf at this point? I think some of her comments can be ignored and maybe at some point you can just tell her that you really need her not to comment on your parenting choices. That you are aware of all the options and that you have made an educated and informed decision for your children and that you need her to trust you on that. That if she has something negative to say as a comment, she needs to keep it to herself. If she has a genuine curious question, she is welcome to email you and you will send her some information. 

The CIO would bother me especially with her leaving them inside while she sits outside, as well as leaving them asleep in the car. I think the asleep in the car thing can fall into a safety issue pretty easily and I would be concerned about the temperature, where the car is parked, can she hear them? see them? is she checking on them? doors open? etc... 

I think before you talk to her, it might be helpful to create a list of some key things that are important to you for your kids. And just present it as a hey, we're in this together, since we all love and care for the kids, this is something we are now focusing more on so we wanted to get you on board with us.... 

good luck!

tyfry7496
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Not as much as yours. If your kids are so unhappy, why would you keep bringing them. I don't care who it is, I would not bring my child if all they did was cry. 1.5 yrs is well over a reasonable amount of time to adjust. I'd have huge issues with my child being left sleeping in a vehicle unattended and the overdose of Tylenol (that could KILL a child).

What's more important? Your child's happiness and safety or money?
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christineT79
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't have my mother watch my baby because of things like that. I'd be afraid she'd do those old school things that I don't agree with like CIO. My baby is only 5 months old & is also ebf & my mom is always trying to feed her things, things like cookies. The last time I was over her house with my baby she was trying to give her coffee! So those little things make me not trust her. I personally would have a problem with the things you listed like CIO, leaving them sleeping in the car, the over dose of medication etc. I would rather my kids be in daycare than deal with that. Sorry, just my oppinion.

wingmom
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Parenting style is one thing, but safety is another. It sounds like your mom, while well intentioned, may be less than a completely safe caretaker. Sleeping in the car unsupervised, and inaccurate drug dosages are red flags, your kids lives are more important than anything else. I would find a sitter, or trade babysitting with a fellow mom, or something else that you can work out. And you can word it with her when you talk like, while we are so appreciative of your willingness to watch the kids, we just feel like we want to pursue option B, and of course throw in something about how much time she will still be able to spend with them, but not for all day without your supervision which seems to be issue both safety-wise and emotionally for your kids.

Kris_PBG
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:13 PM
No way I would leave my 1 year old with someone who would make them to CIO.

No money savings would be worth it to me...
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snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 6:31 PM
No it didn't. My mom is the type that her way is always right, no matter what or what it is.

I limit time spent with her as it is and she has watched DS whose 8- twice both emergency type situations and has never watched DD. She always says she's going to take them over night when they're older (Not going to happen)
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Sigmalade
by Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:35 PM

My mom and I are the same, but my aunt adores and spoils my ds(allowing him soda, cookies all day, he had on a pull-up one day and he is potty trained). One day I took the food he was allowed to eat over there and said if he stays this is what he has to eat. He has to go to the bathroom. I value her help and advice, but I am mom. If this has been going on so long, maybe you should find another sitter for Fridays. It doesn't sound like you two need to find common ground because you are so different and she isn't changing. Having him for shorter hours helped the relationship because it was a treat for them.

Kara242
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:54 PM

nope I parent just like my mom did!

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