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Pros & Cons of having kids closer together or further apart in age

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:43 AM
  • 30 Replies

I would really like to know....

What are some of the pros & cons of having your children closer in age (1-2yrs) or further apart say (4 yrs) difference.

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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:43 AM
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Kris_PBG
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:46 AM
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Dh and I were not interested in having the kids any closer than 3 years apart.

We wanted to focus in ds1 when he was little and have ds1 independent enough (potty trained, some independence skills in place) before taking on another kiddo.

Ds1 and ds2 are 3 years, 4 months apart and we love the age difference.
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MJP76
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:48 AM
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The ONLY pro I'd see to having them really close together, is that they'd grow up really close together. I suppose another one would be, you'd get it over and done with sooner rather than later, but that's about it.



Raeann11
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:13 PM
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There are pros and cons to any age group. When we talked about how far apart we wanted our children to be. We went with how we felt about it. We like our children 3 years to 4 years apart. We knew we did not want them any closer, unless it was a surprise.What I see as a positive someone may see it as a negative. Just like I might see it the other way around.

Apr08mom2b
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:42 PM



Quoting MJP76:

The ONLY pro I'd see to having them really close together, is that they'd grow up really close together. I suppose another one would be, you'd get it over and done with sooner rather than later, but that's about it.



My thoughts exactly, people used to advice me to have my kids closer so they would have each other and not feel so lonley.


TableforSeven
by Judy on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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First off- you don't always get to choose how far apart your kids are born.  We dealt with secondary infertility twice -- so some of the age-gaps between our kids aren't what we would have chosen....though all have worked out.

That being said - the largest gap between any two of our kids is the 4 years between DD#1 and DD#2.....the shortest is the 12 months between DS#1 and DS#2.

With a larger gap -- you won't have two in the same 'baby-like' stage, though you will probably be 'done' with certain stages (diapers, bottles, pacifiers) and sometimes 'starting over' isn't fun when you are used to having more freedom with your kids.  An older child will be able to 'help' and should be old enough to understand when you need them to wait while you deal with the baby.

With a smaller gap -- you can get everything 'done' at once (diapers, spoon feedings, naps, etc) but you could easily be chasing two toddlers running in different directions or two young ones who don't understand the need to "wait' for a few minutes.  Depending on sleep-schedules - you might feel like you never get sleep until they are older....but if you are good with schedules and sticking to them, you can get them on the same nap/sleep schedule.

Each gap has its pros and cons.  I can tell you that my sons (the ones who are 12 months apart in age) are the BEST of friends....they are 10 and 9 now.  Not that my daughters aren't close -- even with a 4 year then a 2 1/2 year gap between them all -- they all get alone fine -- but not in the way that my sons do.

MJP76
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:47 PM
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Yeah.. I mean if you are not fond of sleep for like the first 5-10 years (depending on the number of kids..lol) go for it! LOL

i just think, or I know rather, that having my children less than 3 years apart would have been too stressful for me. And honestly I believe that each child is deserving of their own time in the beginning with mommy and daddy. I think if you have them so close together, the parents get spread thin.. Time and emotional wise.

Quoting Apr08mom2b:



Quoting MJP76:

The ONLY pro I'd see to having them really close together, is that they'd grow up really close together. I suppose another one would be, you'd get it over and done with sooner rather than later, but that's about it.



My thoughts exactly, people used to advice me to have my kids closer so they would have each other and not feel so lonley.




arctophile
by Christi on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:50 PM

 All of mine are close together.  I love having them so close in age.  They share so many activities and interests.  It is at times very hectic having so many that are so little.  It takes a while to get ready for anything.

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Apr08mom2b
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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Quoting Kris_PBG:

Dh and I were not interested in having the kids any closer than 3 years apart.

We wanted to focus in ds1 when he was little and have ds1 independent enough (potty trained, some independence skills in place) before taking on another kiddo.

Ds1 and ds2 are 3 years, 4 months apart and we love the age difference.

I think 3 years is perfect! 

Though my ds1 and ds2 are 4yrs apart they were both planned, but I always felt bad for ds1 because he was alone for a good while. The main reason for such a big gap was because I wanted to finish school, and we moved around alot too, because of dh's job. 


Apr08mom2b
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 1:00 PM



Quoting Raeann11:

There are pros and cons to any age group. When we talked about how far apart we wanted our children to be. We went with how we felt about it. We like our children 3 years to 4 years apart. We knew we did not want them any closer, unless it was a surprise.What I see as a positive someone may see it as a negative. Just like I might see it the other way around

You're right about it being different for everyone, but you also have to consider the mother's age as well, I think. I had ds1 when I was in my late 20's  and ds2 just last year @ 31, had I waited any longer to have ds1 I think it would have been harder for me, because I don't want to wait too long to have all my kids. (By all my kids, I mean I want to be done by 35 yrs old)

Raeann11
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 1:06 PM
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Quoting Apr08mom2b:



Quoting Raeann11:

There are pros and cons to any age group. When we talked about how far apart we wanted our children to be. We went with how we felt about it. We like our children 3 years to 4 years apart. We knew we did not want them any closer, unless it was a surprise.What I see as a positive someone may see it as a negative. Just like I might see it the other way around

You're right about it being different for everyone, but you also have to consider the mother's age as well, I think. I had ds1 when I was in my late 20's  and ds2 just last year @ 31, had I waited any longer to have ds1 I think it would have been harder for me, because I don't want to wait too long to have all my kids. (By all my kids, I mean I want to be done by 35 yrs old)

That is part of it for everyone. For me age has nothing to do with how we feel about age gap. I am in my late 30's and still want them 3 years apart. But yes because that works for my age it does not for everyone. That is why I said what I feel is a positive some will feel is a negative. Like you feel being over 35 is a con. I see it not different.

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