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I just called the police on a neighborhood kid...

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for bullying.  We moved into a super quiet neighborhood about 2 years ago.  Last year, a family moved in with an 8 year old daughter that is full of drama, but we could handle that.  Then about 6 months ago, a family moved in that has a 9 year old boy (and some other kids).  This 9 year old boy went through a very traumatic experience not too long ago in that his father was killed in a motorcycle accident with this boy on the back who, obviously survived.  This is important because everytime we try and talk to mom about this kid's behavior we get "he's gone through alot recently and has anger issues." 

He calls my daughter terrible names.  He beat up a neighborhood child.  He won't let the other kids play in the 2 grassy fields or on the sidewalks (claiming that they are his).  He is becoming sexually aggressive with his 8 yr old "girlfriend" (another neighborhood child with severely lacking parental supervision).  He rarely goes to school and when we asked his mother about that one she said that she does not make him go on days he does not feel like it "because of his trauma."  I understand that he went through something TERRIBLE recently, but that is no excuse to let him bully others.  Myself and 2 other neighborhood mothers have tried to talk to his mother.  We have tried to talk to the child.  We have tried to talk to the child with his mother.  I feel terrible that it came to this.  He is only 9 years old.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Replies (11-20):
lexishandRyason
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:35 PM
2 moms liked this

bullying is over used term just my two cents. you needed call to CPS not the police. the mother is failing her son


anotherandree
by Inga on Feb. 19, 2013 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I completely agree that his mother is failing her son, but what would call the harassment?  Childhood harassment?  I think CPS should be called because the child is not in school (but the should be aware of that fact, you would think).  As far as I know, they have food, a clean home, and the mother is present.  What he is doing is harassing my children (and other neighborhood children).  I think MY children need protection, not him.

Quoting lexishandRyason:

bullying is over used term just my two cents. you needed call to CPS not the police. the mother is failing her son



amarie85
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:44 PM

My son went through a terrible ordeal during my divorce. Luckily it wasn't anywhere near as bad as experiencing an actual death, but it was BAD. He said and did terrible things to me and others. NOTHING helped him until he went to the RIGHT therapist that was right for HIM. Trust me! You did the right thing. Parents can't always see the right direction in the midst of their grief.

Amanda

Single mom in South Jersey

BLRiley
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:56 PM
I understand why you did what you did. I would also call CPS to get involved because it is abuse/neglect to not send a child to school and to not monitor her child. She needs to be the one they are looking at. His actions are ultimately HER responsibility. Whatever he does, at his age SHE is at fault for.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
WAHUHeather
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:57 PM

I think what you did was right. My daughter and I went through a very tramatic experience as well and she started being bullied and buullying others. I immediately put her into counseling becaue bullying is not acceptable whatsoever. My ex-husband was the abuser. It took awhile for both of us to start healing but we are so much better now. I understand if the son is missing his father and taking his sadness out in anger but that does not give the mother rights to allow her child to do whatever he wants at school, home, or in the neighborhood. He obviously has no structure at home and probably needs to feel loved or needed by someone. He is probably feeling out of control with his feelings and needs good stable counseling and love. My daughter has had two years of counseling since we left my ex and she is finally able to cope and recognize her feelings. She was four when we left and almost 7 now. Children need lots of love, structure, discipline, patience, and understanding to make it in this crazy world of ours. I do not tolerate bullying and have gotten after kids for it where we live now and have no qualms about reporting to parents, schools, or police about it. I believe it is very unacceptable behaviour for children or adults.

KRIZZ25
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 8:01 PM
i would call social services if he,s not going to school.i would go up to him mom and say control ur brat or i will..no excuse for that.if she dont stop it it will get bad..she is prob depressed.
KRIZZ25
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 8:02 PM
Quoting WAHUHeather:

I think what you did was right. My daughter and I went through a very tramatic experience as well and she started being bullied and buullying others. I immediately put her into counseling becaue bullying is not acceptable whatsoever. My ex-husband was the abuser. It took awhile for both of us to start healing but we are so much better now. I understand if the son is missing his father and taking his sadness out in anger but that does not give the mother rights to allow her child to do whatever he wants at school, home, or in the neighborhood. He obviously has no structure at home and probably needs to feel loved or needed by someone. He is probably feeling out of control with his feelings and needs good stable counseling and love. My daughter has had two years of counseling since we left my ex and she is finally able to cope and recognize her feelings. She was four when we left and almost 7 now. Children need lots of love, structure, discipline, patience, and understanding to make it in this crazy world of ours. I do not tolerate bullying and have gotten after kids for it where we live now and have no qualms about reporting to parents, schools, or police about it. I believe it is very unacceptable behaviour for children or adults.



never add ur # or post ..just some advice..
BLRiley
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 8:10 PM
Never assume that CPS already knows. We lived with a boy in our neighborhood whose mother was abusive/neglected him, and he was only 8 years old at the time (same age as my son). Her neglect--not watching him--led to him being sexually attacked by a teenager and he shared it with us at dinner one night (we had a heart for him!! He was always welcome at our house..and he was always over because his mom would literally lock him out!--she was also an alcoholic and very honest about it!) anyway...I started by calling the school counselor bc he went to school with my son. They knew most of everything I told the counselor and they had also called CPS many times. They encouraged me to call CPS as well bc the ultimate goal of CPS is to keep the child with the parents unless the hold is in immediate/obvious/physical danger (my friend who worked at CPS told me this--she eventually quit bc she couldn't handle NOT removing children from their homes when it was SOO obvious to her that they needed to be). There just aren't enough resources and homes for them to go--so they just remove ones that meet a certain criteria (so I've been told). I called CPS as well and stayed on top of them, as did the school. Together they gave the mom the ultimatum of either cleaning herself and her act up and taking better care of her son, or lose him. We moved away and came back one day to visit him. His mom was so nice to us and was telling us how well he's doing as how she had been sober for I don't remember how many days. She knew it was us who were on CPS, but she also knew we loved her son. But the moral of the story is that we didn't call just once. We had to call ALL THE TIME, and for everything. So did the school. The more you stay on them, the more likely they are to respond.


Quoting anotherandree:

I completely agree that his mother is failing her son, but what would call the harassment?  Childhood harassment?  I think CPS should be called because the child is not in school (but the should be aware of that fact, you would think).  As far as I know, they have food, a clean home, and the mother is present.  What he is doing is harassing my children (and other neighborhood children).  I think MY children need protection, not him.

Quoting lexishandRyason:

bullying is over used term just my two cents. you needed call to CPS not the police. the mother is failing her son




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
anotherandree
by Inga on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:18 PM


Quoting KRIZZ25:

Quoting WAHUHeather:

I think what you did was right. My daughter and I went through a very tramatic experience as well and she started being bullied and buullying others. I immediately put her into counseling becaue bullying is not acceptable whatsoever. My ex-husband was the abuser. It took awhile for both of us to start healing but we are so much better now. I understand if the son is missing his father and taking his sadness out in anger but that does not give the mother rights to allow her child to do whatever he wants at school, home, or in the neighborhood. He obviously has no structure at home and probably needs to feel loved or needed by someone. He is probably feeling out of control with his feelings and needs good stable counseling and love. My daughter has had two years of counseling since we left my ex and she is finally able to cope and recognize her feelings. She was four when we left and almost 7 now. Children need lots of love, structure, discipline, patience, and understanding to make it in this crazy world of ours. I do not tolerate bullying and have gotten after kids for it where we live now and have no qualms about reporting to parents, schools, or police about it. I believe it is very unacceptable behaviour for children or adults.



never add ur # or post ..just some advice..

What? What number?

lisahappymom
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:40 PM

I absolutely agree with your decision to call the police. 

As for how to handle things going forward (since one phone call to the police will not stop the bullying entirely), my suggestion is for you to keep your kids away from that bully - even if it means that they can only play in your backyard.  I know that's easier said than done, and yes in principle your kids shouldn't have to be confined to your yard, but their physical and emotional safety is more important than their right to play with the neighborhood kids.  Everyone who is bullied is unfortunately and inadvertently learning how to bully.  Sadly, the bully is teaching them that bullying is power. 

I can tell that you're a very caring mom, so I'm not saying that you're kids are going to bully - just that being bullied puts them at risk for bullying as well as emotional scars from the bullying in the meantime.  Being separated from that bully will be to their immense benefit.

Quoting anotherandree:

His mother and the father had divorced when he was very young.

I called the cops because he was calling my daughter constant names (fatty, retard, stupid) whenever she stepped foot outside the door.  He threatened my youngest (who is 5) to beat him up on more than on occasion.  He threatens to beat up my daughter and her friend (her mother was with me when I spoke with the police) if they "don't leave his grassy area and get off his sidewalk."  He basically chases them around all evening after school and on the weekends telling them they cannot play because he is there until they are forced to go inside.

Quoting SallyB_LMT:

What was he doing that you called the police for?  I mean specifically?  I understand needing someone other than the obviously greiving mother to do something for him.  He sounds like he really needs some psychiatric help to deal with the trauma and to support him mentally and emotionally.



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