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**update** I'm in the middle of a marriage falling apart.. and I didn't do anything!!!

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:31 PM
  • 8 Replies
Back story:: Roughly 10 years ago I dated a guy for like 6 months or so. I became friends with his sister that is my age. I didn't see the end of our relationship coming. He was seeing someone else and left me. I last heard from him a week or less after he left me, and nothing since. Within a year or so they were pregnant and got married, I continued to stay friends with the sister. Though sparse in communication, we still stayed in contact.





His sister got married and then we both were pregnant within months of each other. I wasn't invited to parties or get togethers which I was fine with because I didn't want to run into him and drudge up all the emotions that I worked so hard in pushing away.





In the last year my friend has told me that his wife is jealous of me and doesn't like me. Seriously, after 10 years and not having done anything to her or to him, come on. She hates that my friend still talks, and even that she invited me to a mommies night out. (Which I declined because I was going to be out of town.)





My friend calls me tonight in a panic. She had read a FB status of her SIL and thought it was directed to her, which after talking to her found out it wasn't but that she was also still mad at her. My friend dropped the conversation. My friend got a call from her brother late last night, drunk. Explained that he and his wife got into an argument about me. As he was walking out the door, he told he was going to my house. (Mind you, I haven't talked to him in over 10 years.) The last thing my friend told him was that she would call him in 20 minutes to see how he was and where he was. He lives roughly 2 hours from our town. No one has heard from him. They call his phone, it rings and eventually goes to voicemail, no return calls or texts. They found out that he used an ATM, but don't know where.





So my friend and I'm assuming her husband drove to his area to look for him, and they are going to drive back the way that he would have driven to get to her house. I'm hoping that he wised up and checked into a hotel and is laying low. They called everyone and every place that they could think of. His car isn't listed as being in an accident, no one by his description or name has been admitted to hospitals or has been arrested.





I hope that things work for the best. He really isn't a bad guy, from what I understand she's nice.. and they have 2 boys. I told my friend that if by some chance he shows up at my door (which I highly doubt) that I would let her know. If he thinks to find me of FB and talks to me that I would let her know. I have no landline and my cell is listed under my SOs name.





I just feel that I'm ruining a marriage of an ex that I haven't seen since before he left me..


**update**

My friend just texted me and said that she found her brother and that he's OK. He promised to follow her back to her place. *sigh* I guess it's time to read a little and cool down so that I can get some sleep now. Get me all worried and jumpy.. ugh.. men.
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:31 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2013 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Whew, let that guilt go. Obviously he is still in love with you but you had nothing to do with this. Hope he turns up soon.
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Pukalani79
by Kris on Feb. 24, 2013 at 12:21 AM

 It's not your fault.  He's using you as an excuse.  Distance yourself as much as possible.

crazymomma79
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 12:34 AM

I agree, not your fault. Chances are, maybe the new wife found something he kept and it bothered her and made her jealous.  And if she kept on about the subject and it became a fight... just like most guys, walking out the door saying "I'm going to her house" gives him the last word in it, with the idea that "If I'm gonna get accused of it, I mine as well do it!"  It's obviously their issues.... and I wouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship with the sister/your friend.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Feb. 24, 2013 at 7:34 AM

Agree~

Quoting Pukalani79:

 It's not your fault.  He's using you as an excuse.  Distance yourself as much as possible.


Garnet_Iris11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 7:53 AM
That's pretty much what I'm going to do.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 It's not your fault.  He's using you as an excuse.  Distance yourself as much as possible.

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Garnet_Iris11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:04 AM
Although I am a woman.. I still don't understand certain thoughts. LOL If I kept in touch with him I would understand her being mad. If he and I were engaged or had possesions together, etc, I would understand. But to stay in touch with the sister shouldn't matter. We run into each other, we don't hang out anymore because of our schedules. And when we talk its about our DDs, SOs, her other siblings, and our parents. He and his wife never come up in conversation. I don't know what he could have kept, I got my hair ties back from him that I had left. If by chance he has photos, whatever, he had a box of ex-gf pictures and letters even when I was with him. *sigh* So much unneccesary drama.

Quoting crazymomma79:

I agree, not your fault. Chances are, maybe the new wife found something he kept and it bothered her and made her jealous.  And if she kept on about the subject and it became a fight... just like most guys, walking out the door saying "I'm going to her house" gives him the last word in it, with the idea that "If I'm gonna get accused of it, I mine as well do it!"  It's obviously their issues.... and I wouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship with the sister/your friend.

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e-doolittle
by Kelly on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:24 PM

crazy stuff!

snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 8:39 PM
There are most likely other big problems in their relationship. It's probably because you where his last girlfriend that she brings you up.

Some people are just so possessive that they can't stand the thought that anyone dated their bf/dh before them. So she's going to focus on you and his past untill your the "evil" one.

You didn't do anything wrong. Their problems are caused by them not you.
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