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Working Mom of 2-LOST!!

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:37 PM
  • 22 Replies

Hello Ladies! I just joined CafeMom because I'm looking for some support/suggestions/validation, etc...

I have two beautiful little girls ages 4 and 9 months. The baby is THE BEST BABY EVER! She is happy all the time, sleeps well, never cries, doesn't need to be held all day long. My 4 year old has been a bit stubborn when it comes to behaving appropriately (nothing I wouldn't consider normal behaivor) but we've made alot of progress in the past few months. The two of them get along really well.

I work a full time job, as does my husband. My schedule is regular, his is not. It fluctuates from day to day and sometimes he is gone 2-3 times/week. With that said, the majority of cooking, cleaning and child caring is done by me, on top of holding down the job. I absolutely love my children and my husband but often times I feel like I am a slave to them. I feel completely lost as to who I am and what I enjoy doing for myself. I think back to who I was before children and the things I liked to do, do not really interest me anymore (bars, bowling, spending hours in the gym). I know I need time for myself but when I do get it (which isn't often due to schedule conflict), I have nothing to do. I'm starting a garden and back to the gym when I can get there. I need ideas on things I can try. I feel I have nothing I'm passionate about. Also, does anyone else feel this way or am I a horrible mom because caring for kids isn't enough for me?

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:37 PM
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by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:43 PM

Yeah, idk..take up knitting?

no seriously I don't know what to tell you. I don't go out unless I'm with my husband or with my whole family. That's what keeps me content... Well that and shopping online...

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:43 PM
I feel ya. Reading or writing. Drawing or sewing are fun
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by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:51 PM
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No you are NOT!! I feel the same way at times, REMEMBER there was a YOU Before there was a THEM!! And the truth is, although most of the emotional and mental support is riding on your shoulders, you still need to make time for you in there otherwise you will find yourself resenting them as time goes on for it!

I think its normal, you have to find peace outside of that life you've built with them. YOU HAVE TOO!! Your childrens happiness is a general reflection of your own... Especially because you are raising girls.. You have to teach them to remember who they are before they become a wife and a mother and lose sight of it

I am battling sort of the same dilemma.. Only difference is my boys are 17 and 11 and I am remarried and finally am starting to put work back into me before I lose myself more then I was years before..

You can still  bowl, you can still go to bars, you can still live, who says you can't?
Its just now you have to manage the time differently in order to achieve that ultimate balance which i believe is what most of us "Woman" want!

I hope that helps :) 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:54 PM
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You are not a bad mom. Unless you beat starve or neglect your child.
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by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:56 PM
I go to school full time (no job) and do majority of chores myself. I also feel like a slave sometimes. I have no ideas on things to try, I don't do much after homework except watch movies.
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by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:06 PM
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The thing is that you AREN'T the same person as you were before kids. Your priorities and interests HAVE changed and that's okay. You are going to evolve as a human being the older your children get. Finding yourself isn't really the issue. You just need to get comfortable in the new you and find contentment there for now.
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:15 AM
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I have friends I love that we meet each Friday on school early day. I treasure days I am with them. I love my friends. :) they also have dd's in the same grade my dd is in. :) I'm a homebody, and love family time, but I love chatting with my girls. :) 

you are NOT horrible! We all need human contact outside our home! Jmho

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:45 AM
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I understand.My husband works in days(legal office)for five days while I work at night(hospital)3 to 4 times in a week and sometimes 5 days.We take turns vice versa taking care of the kids because there is no one to help us here so it is tough.Hiring a baby sitter is like trying to recruite a new employee..we are just picky and consciousMy eldest is in preschool and the 2nd one will be soon(thank GOD).I find something major to do like cleaning and reading or interesting like craft.My husband hobby when I am not home is minature dollhouse(which he sell for extra income)But my major right now is my nursing boards.Find what you like the most.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:06 AM
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Boy do I feel you. I desperately want to go away alone somewhere for at least a week. I bust my ass at work, come home and bust my ass there. I have nothing left for me. I just want to be alone where I don't have constant pressure to perform. Just some time where I don't have to be super worker, super mom, super wife, maid, cook, errand runner. It's like it's constant clamoring for my attention.

I enjoy being alone and miss it.
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:14 AM

I completely relate to the slave to my family. In my home, if I dont do it,it does not get done and I complained and complained about this for a long time. There would also be times where my home would be a mess for days at a time because I just didn't feel like cleaning up behind everyone. About 8 months ago however, as I was washing dishes one afternoon and complaining again to myself, I heard this question from God: how can you (meaning me) serve me (meaning God) if you CAN'T serve your family and others? I was in complete awe at this revelation because its true. I try me best to live my life according to the principles of the bible. God never complained about having to heal someone or travel to distance place to teach the gospel etc.. so if he has blessed me with a husband and 2 children, why complain about having to care for them? Please don't misunderstand me here, I am NOT saying you are complaining. I am saying I was and until God opened my eyes yet again to my blessing I did not understand it. My advice to you is, you have to find time for you even if it mean hiring a sitter for a few hrs. Every 4-6 weeks I make it a point to go get a pedi and my nails done with out my children. As a working mom who works full time, go to school part time (2 classes per week) and having a full schedule except for Fri and Sat, I have to make sure I am taking care of myself or I would not be able to give my family 100% of me. You HAVE to find a way to crave out time for yourself or you will burn yourself out. It does not have to be every week, but start out small. Say once a month you will do something for yourself for at least an hr or two even if its hiring a sitter so you can spend an hr reading or laying down and taking a nap. It can be anything. If you don't have a passion for something, there has to be something you always had an interest even if its small, pursue that.

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