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So upset with my in-laws! Don't know what to do.

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:52 AM
  • 18 Replies

So here's the thing...We moved into a house on my inlaws farm in 2009 b/c we had to short sale our house and that was really the only option at the time. My husband works for his father (who doesn't do any work for the business anymore) by himself and I work full time too. I am also in school 2 nights a week and next spring will have to quit my full time job to begin the nursing program. So we got our taxes back and needed to buy a new washer/dryer b/c both went up and got a new fridge b/c the old one was too small and not working right. Not such a big deal until MIL and FIL find out we're going on a cruise for a week in the summer to celebrate our 10th Anniversary! They flipped out on DH saying we're selfish for taking a cruise and how dare we make this decision without talking to his father b/c he is DHs boss and will lose a week of work. Here's an idea...........how about for that week, YOU go out and do some work! So my MIL decides to spring this conversation on me this morning when I drop off my DD on my way to work. And goes on and on about how they sacrifice everything for the family and we don't. I'm sorry, but I don't go anywhere, don't buy anything frivilous, and if I want to take a cruise for my 10th anniversary, why in the world is it any of their business. And Selfish???? Let's talk about that for a second. The only reason we are still there is because DH is so loyal to his parents, and didn't want them to suffer from us leaving. He is a Great Son!!! Not to mention the most loyal of their 3 children. I understand that they opened their home to us and truly appreciate their help, but I don't need them telling us how terrible we are that we want to do something for ourselves for once!

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PinkButterfly66
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:55 AM

What type of job does your husband do?  Perhaps he could find another job at another company that will allow vacations?  Perhaps, your husband can look into getting a temporary employee to fill in for him the week that he would like to take off?  

mama_mcneal
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:58 AM

He is an electrician. He's thought about finding a new job, but we have to make sure that we have another house lined up, b/c when he stops working for them, we'll need to move.

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:24 AM

 I am sorry you have to go through that.  I don't think there is a reason for them to be upset with you.  If you were constantly doing things that you were unable to afford or borrowing money from them and spending it on things that are extras, then that would be different.  Hopefully you will be able to find a house soon.  I agree with the other post, maybe your FIL can find a temp for that week.

Jessiejem
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:08 PM
3 moms liked this

I can understand your frustration with being told you are terrible for doing something for yourself but here is the problem ..... first, your Dh works for his father ( FIL)and with ALL jobs you clear with your boss first before you book a trip  not afterwards. It is 100%  their business since he works for his father.

Second I am unclear how you living with them because you had to short sale your former home is doing them the favor , aren't THEY doing YOU the favor ?

When family and money/business are intertwined things like this happen . What I would do is let your DH handle it since it is his parents

xoch86
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:12 PM


I hope it gets worked out. They're  being assholes 

Quoting mama_mcneal:

He is an electrician. He's thought about finding a new job, but we have to make sure that we have another house lined up, b/c when he stops working for them, we'll need to move.



CotterpinDoozer
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:16 PM

How frustrating! Honestly, I'd recommend trying to get another house lined up soon. I understand your DH is loyal to his parents, but they're way overreacting, is your FIL retired, or does he just not bother to do any work anymore? I hope you're able to work everything out.


SallyB_LMT
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:43 PM

What kind of rent/mortgage are you paying them for the use of their house?  What kind of problems will they have with you leaving?  Why is it a big deal that you have to buy appliances for the house?  Does this mean you won't be paying them rent or you will be borrowing money?  Why didn't you discuss the cruise with them before you made the plans?  Did your dh ask for the time off before you booked the cruise?  Do you have the money to take a cruise, but not enough to move out of their house and support yourselves?  Is your dh finding a temp worker to replace himself while you are gone, one who will work at the same wage and level of competence he does? Why do you say you are only staying there because you are loyal? 

If the answers to those questions still leave you wondering why they are calling you selfish...then very likely they are out of line in calling you thus.

Firewoman33
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:51 PM


I agree with this. 

Quoting SallyB_LMT:

What kind of rent/mortgage are you paying them for the use of their house?  What kind of problems will they have with you leaving?  Why is it a big deal that you have to buy appliances for the house?  Does this mean you won't be paying them rent or you will be borrowing money?  Why didn't you discuss the cruise with them before you made the plans?  Did your dh ask for the time off before you booked the cruise?  Do you have the money to take a cruise, but not enough to move out of their house and support yourselves?  Is your dh finding a temp worker to replace himself while you are gone, one who will work at the same wage and level of competence he does? Why do you say you are only staying there because you are loyal? 

If the answers to those questions still leave you wondering why they are calling you selfish...then very likely they are out of line in calling you thus.



LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Time to look for a new job and a new house. Obviously, they are a little controlling. It is February. They have plenty of time to figure out what they are going to do during that week this summer. Thats a hell of a lot more notice than I give my company and I practically run the whole thing myself. I don't care what happens while I'm gone. That's for the boss to figure out.

mommybug77
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 8:02 PM

 this is a mess i could do without.

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