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How to deal...

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 10:57 PM
  • 18 Replies

Its been some time since I've been on CM but you ladies are good with the advice...

my question is this, my FIL is dying of cancer, when he passes, is it appropriate to allow the children to attend services? I have a son (8 1/2), two daughters (5 1/2 & 3).... I know this varies and its a personal choice,however, i still have all four of my grandparents and this is new to me.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.  If you've had a similar situation that went bad or regrets.... Thats what we're afraid of... Thank you ladies

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 10:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Knightquester
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:06 PM

I recently struggled with this question and chose to have my children attend the service of their godfather whom they are all very close to.  My children are older than yours, my youngest about the age of your eldest, however I felt it was only right that they have a chance to say goodbye.  I took them to the service but not the wake, so they were able to say their respects to those that were dealing with his loss and place flowers on his grave.

Knightquester
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:11 PM
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I thought I'd add.  I did loose my grandmother when I was 9 and my younger brother was 7 1/2.  We attended the wake (open casket).

My brother was oblivious and visited many of the patrons there, my mom asked that he stick close to her and so he didn't approach the casket.  I however wondered around and happened upon the casket and it did give me nightmares for some time afterwards.  My grandmother had suffered for years with brain cancer until it finally took her life.  Her body wasn't the same as I had remembered it and all I recall is crying and my mom taking us home.

I still remember in vivid detail her in that casket as my last memory of her face, which sounds creepy but it never left me and so that's why I chose not to take my children to their godfathers wake.  I want them to remember what he looked like and was when he was alive.

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:18 PM

We lost my FIL in January and my mom brought my kids for 30 minutes before the rosary. They are 5 and 10. 

LuckyMom822
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:21 PM

I agree with this 100%. Take them to he service but I don't think they need to see fil. 

Quoting Knightquester:

I thought I'd add.  I did loose my grandmother when I was 9 and my younger brother was 7 1/2.  We attended the wake (open casket).

My brother was oblivious and visited many of the patrons there, my mom asked that he stick close to her and so he didn't approach the casket.  I however wondered around and happened upon the casket and it did give me nightmares for some time afterwards.  My grandmother had suffered for years with brain cancer until it finally took her life.  Her body wasn't the same as I had remembered it and all I recall is crying and my mom taking us home.

I still remember in vivid detail her in that casket as my last memory of her face, which sounds creepy but it never left me and so that's why I chose not to take my children to their godfathers wake.  I want them to remember what he looked like and was when he was alive.


Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:24 PM
As long as they can behave, I would take them.
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DragonMother10
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:35 PM
When my grandma died from my dad's side, I was only 10. I went to the rosary and went up to see my grandma and touched her hand. Her death affected me quite a bit, but I wasn't traumatized. It just got me thinking of my own mortality. I was neverous seeing her, but even as a grown woman when my other grandma died this past September, a few days before my birthday, I was a bit nervous.
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graycalico
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:44 AM
3 moms liked this
I think kids need to have that closure and see how to mourn and say good bye. Sit them down before and tell them what to expect so they are prepared.
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Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:53 AM

I agree...  My daughter was just 8 years old when my Aunt died of cancer.  My daughter knew early on that my Aunt was dying and we visited her many times in the hospital and then hospice, so when the time came, my daughter asked to go to the wake and the funeral.  

And although she was sad, as we all were, she found comfort in her family and being able to say goodbye really meant something to her.  It prepared her for when she turned 10 and we loss my mom (her grammy).

Quoting graycalico:

I think kids need to have that closure and see how to mourn and say good bye. Sit them down before and tell them what to expect so they are prepared.


** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

AuntieMom101
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Unfortunately we have had a lot of experience with this issue. We have not had any huge catastrophes from taking the little ones to funerals. I have always allowed them to approach the casket to say their goodbyes and I think the worst moment from allowing that was at the funeral of my 2 and 1/2 yr old nephew. My oldest son who was almost 2 wanted to go night night with his "boogie". All of my kids have cried at funerals but no massive breakdowns.
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loveTHEviking
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:04 PM

 When my grandma passed away I didn't take either of my boys. DH & I left them w/ a friend of ours. My boys are busy & they would have been all over the place!

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