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Moms Don’t Need Hospital Visitors After Having a Baby, They Need Space! Do you agree?

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:25 PM
  • 67 Replies
1 mom liked this

Moms Don’t Need Hospital Visitors After Having a Baby, They Need Space


by Nicole Fabian-Weber

mom and newbornHaving a baby is life's most joyous occasion. And not just for the new mom and dad, but for the new mom and dad's parents. And grandparents. And friends. And aunts and uncles. Everyone loves a baby. And everyone wants to see and hold a baby shortly after it's born. But, here's the thing: Everyone needs to wait.

Aside from being joyous, having a baby is stressful and confusing. The last thing a new mom needs is brigades of people traipsing through her hospital room when she's trying to bond with her little one, and/or trying to figure out how to breastfeed.

I know none of us like saying no to people (especially people we love), but when it comes to those first precious days after giving birth, I'm all for the dreaded "n" word. I didn't do it last go 'round, but if I'm lucky enough to have another baby, I most definitely will. Some of you on CafeMom beg to differ, though.

After reading through the comments and answers to a question Anonymous asked regarding whether or not she was being unreasonable not wanting any visitors the first day in the hospital, it seems like, ultimately, it comes down to a personality thing. Some want lots of friends and family visiting that first day to share in the joy, others (like me) would prefer a more low-key couple of days. There's no "right" way to do things in motherhood, as we all know. Just preferences.

When I was in the hospital after having my daughter, there were a million visitors. And it made me feel very loved that people drove all the way into land-of-million-dollar-parking New York City to see me and my daughter. But also, it was chaotic. Really chaotic. I was so sore and exhausted that I barely had any idea of what was going on. I was learning to nurse my baby (and my family's old school), so every time I had to whip out a boob, everyone would shuffle out. My husband and I were trying to get to know the new addition to our family, and, well, that wasn't super easy with people constantly coming in and out of the room.

I know that it's coming from a place of love. And it actually feels a little bit like a bratty thing to do -- telling people you don't want them to visit you and your new baby. But ultimately, if it's what you want, you should do it. It's your baby. You get to call the shots. And if anyone's feelings get hurt, guess what? They'll totally forget about it when they're holding your newborn a few weeks later.

Did you have lots of visitors when you were in the hospital?


Image via ConspiracyofHappiess/Flickr

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sthflachk
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:27 PM
Nope...five people came...it was awesome.
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CreziaMommyTo2
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:29 PM
1 mom liked this

oh god, no, i LOVED having everyone there...  with my 1st i had about 20 visitors in the 2 nights i was there..

with baby #2, i had many more visitors (because now i had local friends).

i love having visitors... 

snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:38 PM
I think It's a personal decision. If moms o.k. with it, It's up to her.

Now Personally I agree. Your at the hospital to rest, not hold social hour. Luckily my family feels the same way. The baby's not going anywhere. Does it really matter if you see it the day It's born or a few days/week after mom and baby is home.

DH has a cousin and her parents paraded everything and their brother into the hospital. I didn't go but MIL got talked into going up their by her SIL. She said that girl was dog tired but no-one would take a hint.
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Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Five pregnancies, 6 births and my opinion would be different after each birth. I had a never ending stream of visitors after the birth of my twins and it was horrible. I had a 4 unit blood transfusion, I was trying to breast feed 2 babies, they gave me a diuretic so was up around the clock peeing and getting no sleep and I even had elderly volunteers dropping by to see the new twins that were born vaginally. Yes, for some reason that was the talk around the hospital. So it just depends on the birth.
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MinglingMom
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:50 PM
2 moms liked this

 DH and I made it perfectly clear that no one was allowed there and we didn't even tell anyone when I went into labor so that they couldn't invite themselves. We told them when the baby arrived and said that they were welcome to visit the next day but mama and baby needed rest. I'm glad we did that.

mewebb82
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:02 PM

I had no visitors with my 1st (nobody lived close enough). After my 2nd, only my parents and my grandmother came and they didn't stay long...just a quick visit. After my 3rd, I had 7 visitors including my 2 older kids. They all came at once and I loved it. 

The only person I was not happy about was my husband's pastor, who came while I was in labor with my 3rd. I'm not religious and I didn't even let my own mother come until afterwards. I couldn't believe my husband let him in at all. He asked me a question at one point and I couldn't answer because I was in the middle of a really hard contraction and trying to focus on breathing. For some reason, he decided that would be a good time to pray. My husband looked at me with this "Oh, shit" face. I'm not comfortable in church, so of course I was incredibly uncomfortable with such an intrusion on such an intimate moment. I was not happy at all and I have never wanted to scream so much in my life.

Lorena
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:03 PM
With my first they only visitors we had was my mom and she was rude. The other was my mil but she was with dh most of the time because I was so out of it.
My second the only visitors I got was my bff (I needed baby name books), my mil, and sil.
My third we had no one. Which was nice
My forth my mom was in town. I wasn't allowed visitors outside of family because I kept having complications and almost died.
I have to say I prefer no visitors. It was much calmer and we could enjoy.some family time with just us and the kids before everything got crazy and we could rest.
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urbpro
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:10 PM

Obviously, it's different for everyone. I loved having visitors! Not only that, I regret the decision to only have dh and my mom in the room with me while I delivered. I was just so damned ecstatic, I wished all my friends and family could have been there :o)


 

ittybit2012
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:14 PM
I specifically told people that I didn't want a lot of visitors with my second. I had a scheduled c-section and a tubal. I barely let anyone in the front door the first week home.
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anotherandree
by Inga on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:19 PM

I agree that it is not social hour and I wanted a quiet, bonding time with my baby and husband.  However, I got BORED.  So my closest friends, whom I didn't mind whipping a boob out in front of, would kindof take turns keep me company.  THAT, I just absolutely LOVED.

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