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In the school's bathroom, another girl showed my daughter how to *updated

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:24 PM
  • 27 Replies
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 French kiss! Complete with putting her tongue in my dd's mouth!

This happened a few months ago around Christmas time. My dh and I were shocked and upset and wanted to speak with the girl's parents. We waited until after winter break to try to make contact. When I learned the little girls' mom died last year, I didn't feel comfortable talking to her dad who may, or may not, be abusing this little girl. My dh and I really didn't know what to do. More and more my dd would tell me of things this other girl would do at recess even though my dd considers the girl a friend. She is very aggressive and bossy but I figured they are children and will learn to work things out. (the girl is the size of a 4th grader. Both the girl and dd are in 1st grade.) I recently contacted my dd's teacher after I had enough of this other girl. 

I got a response from her teacher, counselor and principal. We exchanged several emails between the 4 of us. The principal and teacher seemed very helpful in trying to find a way to work thru everything. The counselor, however, started out really nice and then her last email upset me but I can't figure out why. In her first emails she said my dd was a sweet girl. And she said she pulled the girl and my dd aside and talked to them. I did not want this to happen without me or her dad there! Anyways, it's done. So I told her if she wants to have a counseling lunch session to discuss things please do so without the other girl. This is her last email:

"No worries. Your daughter will not be invited to lunch. It would have been helpful had you notified us of the kissing event when it happened--that way, we could have intervened appropriately."

I don't know why she'd say "no worries". It seems like she's dismissing us. And her wording on not inviting my dd to lunch seems like a punishment in a way. Her saying we should of notified her sooner of the kissing pissed me off the most! We really did not know what to do and tried to feel the situation out a little more. She's hinting I failed my dd for not coming to her about the kissing right away. 

I don't know if I should email the counselor back or if I should meet with her teacher and principal only. Can anyone tell me if I'm reading too much into her last email? And what would you do about the kissing event? I think the last email was a brush off. 

Again, my dd thinks of this other girl as a friend. My dd is almost 7 and the other girl is 7. TIA

Update: I sent an email worded how Mama_l suggested. Of course I changed a few things but her advice was spot on! It worked because I immediately got a response and a meeting for the next day! The counselor came, along with the principal and her teacher. When introduced, the counselor was very warm and friendly towards dh and totally avoided eyecontact with me, lol! Anyways, all went well and we ended up getting an understanding of everyone and of the situation. It went very well. And the counselor came to me and shook my hand as we were leaving. So, they're going to look further into the other girl and her boundry issues and they said they'd keep an eye on dd. I'm happy with the outcome!

CafeMom Tickers
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Daya81
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:39 PM

 bump

mrsrobin
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:48 PM
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It is a serious matter. I would file a police report. Seems like too much, but i used to work aft a school for behavioral kids and it's the only way to get the other girl to realize it's a big deal. I would also tell my own daughter to stay away from her.
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Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:06 PM
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How did your dd react to the kissing? Did she say it made her uncomfortable & she told the other girl to stop? I really don't know what I would do in this situation except tell my dd that she has to tell other people to stop if they do somthing that makes her uncomfortable. I would also praise her for telling you & reassure her that she can tell you anything. I don't know what to do with the counselor & principal other than have a meeting in person with them & the girls father. This is really a tough one. Good luck & keep us posted.

Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:22 PM
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I really think you are overreacting a bit to the email. You are emotional about this (I would be, too) and I think the counselor is really trying to work with you. I don't understand the lunch comment. And it probably would have been more helpful had they been notified straight away about the kissing. I'm not saying you were right or wrong. I think its time to meet in person because I think you are going to have a hard time interpreting the tones of all emails going forward. I do wish you the best and hope you can get this resolved.
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Daya81
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:24 PM

 She told my dh first. She wasn't too upset but she knew it was strange and we needed to be told. It's hard because I asked dd's teacher to help keep them apart but I understand there's only so much they can do. And the fact that dd considers her a friend. I think the girl's aggressive behavior comes into play there- she bosses the other girls around but thinks it's ok as part of their friendship. I don't think the other girls have an easy time avoiding her.

Thanks for your response- I'll update after my meeting with the principal.

Quoting Tckosdk.2012:

How did your dd react to the kissing? Did she say it made her uncomfortable & she told the other girl to stop? I really don't know what I would do in this situation except tell my dd that she has to tell other people to stop if they do somthing that makes her uncomfortable. I would also praise her for telling you & reassure her that she can tell you anything. I don't know what to do with the counselor & principal other than have a meeting in person with them & the girls father. This is really a tough one. Good luck & keep us posted.

 

mama_l
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:27 PM
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I would be sending back an email saying ....



Dear x,



I received your email and am not sure how to take what you have written. Email can come across differently than intended and I wish to clear up a few questions I have about your last email. At first you say "no worries" and then go on to say how if "I would have contacted you sooner and you could have intervened appropriately". Are you saying that you are not handling this "appropriately" and that has to do with how "timely" I reported the situation? This is confusing to me as you said "no worries" but then tried to admonish me for my attempt of navigating the unknown. While you may see a timeline all I see is trying to do right by my child in an awkward situation that I had no idea had a specific "timeline" associated to your ability to help. I would like to set up a time to speak in person so that confusion is not caused due to the inpersonal and often misinterpreted emails.

Your name



I would also cc everyone involved so they see what she is attempting to do to you.
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Daya81
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:35 PM
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 thank you. this is really helpful! i'm starting to get upset so i didn't email her back right away because i didn't want to say anything too rude when i really feel like saying "wtf, lady?"!

Quoting mama_l:

I would be sending back an email saying ....

Dear x,

I received your email and am not sure how to take what you have written. Email can come across differently than intended and I wish to clear up a few questions I have about your last email. At first you say "no worries" and then go on to say how if "I would have contacted you sooner and you could have intervened appropriately". Are you saying that you are not handling this "appropriately" and that has to do with how "timely" I reported the situation? This is confusing to me as you said "no worries" but then came back and tried to admonish me for my attempt of navigating the unknown. While you may see a timeline all I see is trying to do right by my child in an awkward situation that I had no idea had a specific "timeline" associated to your ability to help. I would like to set up a time to speak in person so that confusion is not caused due to the inpersonal and often misinterpreted emails.
Your name

I would also cc everyone involved so they see what she is attempting to do to you.

 

LuckyMom822
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:56 PM
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I am always accused of sending angry work emails. I have a tendency to be direct and get straight to the point when there is a disagreement and in my line of work there is always a disagreement. It is hard to infer tone in a work email because emoticons and lol's are not appropriate. I read it as her just saying that there is no need to worry but that she could have done more when it first happened. Not as a brush off. Read the email again in a happy tone and see how you feel then.

Pukalani79
by Kris on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:08 PM

 I think you might be reading too much into the email.  I'm sure I would too if it were me though

SarahSuzyQ
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:29 PM
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i agree that it's just time to meet in person. You are never really going to get a sense of someone's tone or perception through written communication.

If it were me, I would let the email go until you can gauge the counselor's attitude at the actual in-person meeting.

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