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Changes....not in a way I hoped.

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:02 PM
  • 7 Replies

Okay so I am a wee bit frustrated by a e-mail from my friend's wife. **edit** I changed the named before hand just incase..
Let me give you a back story. When I was in High School, I was friends with more guys than girls because it was less drama with the guys. Pretty much my guy friend to girl friend ratio was 4:1. Well I didn't think in high school that the guys would grow in to men and get married. Well, mostly now they are all married with this own families and the ones I am still in contact with I am now friends with their wives. There was one who was my best guy friend, Brad. I mean we would do a lot of things together. And he even took me to my senior prom because my boyfriend at the time broke up with me a month before the prom. We both had a mutual understanding that we were both in the "friend zone" and will never leave the "friend zone". Right before graduation, he met a woman named Kelly and they both started dating. Now, during this time I started dating someone else and because of the time we were spending with our significant others we rarely hung out together. The only communcation would be several times a week communicating though e-mail just to keep in touch. I broke up with my boyfriend and he was still with Kelly and she one day broke up with him because she wanted to see what else was out there. He was upset and of course I was there for him to comfort him in this time of need. A month later they got back together and a few other times after that she broke it off with him to date someone else and everytime I was there for him. Well, after the last time they broke up and got back together he got really sick and ended up having to get emergancy surgery. He called me up and told me that what happened and that he needed to get up and drain his cafeter bag and get something to eat and was to sore to do it himself. He asked me to come over and help him out and I did. While grabbing some take out at our favorate resturant (local hangout for college kids) I see Kelly with another guy. I went to Brad's and helped him out then told him what I had saw. He of course was upset because before calling me he called her and she said she was "too busy" to help him out. Then several months later things looked like they were going to break up and the next thing I know. I get a e-mail from him telling me that he is now getting married. I responded "To Kelly?!?" At this time we were both 20 years old and she was 22. I thought he was to young and asked him if he was sure. Kelly was his first relationship that lasted longer than a few months so I would really think he would wait longer or see what else was out there. I called up his sister and asked him what the "hell" he was thinking and find out...Kelly is pregnant. It all made sense why he would pop the question. He tells everyone that they got engaged before she found out she was pregnant and I did the math and when he proposed was two weeks after she found out she was pregnant. Of course I called him out on his b.s. and told him that he really need to make sure he wanted to make this commitment to her. I also explained that he can still be a good Dad without being married to Kelly. He was dead set on doing the "right" thing and marrying her so I decided if I still wanted to remain close friends with him I would have to befriend her.

I went to the baby shower and gave them a lovely gift for their daughter including a diaper cake that I made, a quilt that I sewn for them, and some other nice crafty items that I hand made for their daughter. Once she saw the effort that I put in for this we became friends.

After her daughter was born she had an infection and had to stay in the hospital for a week after she was born. So I stayed at their house (a house that her Dad paid 100% in full for...he is pretty well off) to help out Brad because well he really can't make toast more or less making formula for a baby or making anything to feed himself. So I stayed there and slept on their couch for the entire week she was in the hosptial and another week after that to help them out around the house. She appericated the help and her and I became good friends after that.

Fast forward about 5 years later we were still good friends and she got pregnant again and after she had their son, she got really bad post pardom depression and decided to crash in to a light pole to attempt to kill herself. Brad was devestated and again asked me for help with the baby and their older daughter while he worked and would go and see Kelly in the hosptial. I stayed there again for another two weeks while she was in the hosptial. By this time I am married with my own daughter. Since I was a stay at home Mom, my DH understood we were really good friends and became friends with Brad as well. So when this all went down he knew that I should stay there to help them out.

Things seem to be going really well until recently. Her doctor finally took her off her depression medication after 6 years and now she seems to be back in a bad state of mind. Brad and I spend a quite significant amount of time playing Star Wars the Old republic (yes we are geeks) online. So, I am now more talking to him more because of the game than I have with her. So now she is accusing me of  having feelings for Brad and that I need to stop talking to him. I questioned to her as in why she would come to that assumption why and she ended up telling me to never speak to her or her husband again. This has come out of the blue to me. Right now they live at least 4 hours away and there would be NO way I could even have relations with him. Well this was my response to her e-mail last night.

 

Kelly,

I am terribly confused in why after 10 years of our friendship you would come out of the blue and accuse me and your husband of having a affair. First off, me and Brad are so deep in the "friend zone" that  having any type of relations with him would be to werid. It would be like kissing my brother. Him and I were friends several years before he even dated you and to be honest if we had some sort of romantic feelings for each other we would already dated before you even came into the picture. During the times YOU LEFT HIM, before you two were married, we could of gotten together if we wanted to during those times and we did not. Why? Because we are FRIENDS. Each and everytime you broke his heart because you wanted to see other people I was always their for my friend. Just like he had done with me when I dated a guy and broke my heart. That is what friends do - be there for each other.

When you two first got engaged, I was there for you when I really didn't know you that well. I hand made items for your daughter because I love Brad like a brother and know that you would cherish these items. When you were sick I was there making sure your daughter was fed and changed, made meals for Brad, and cleaned your house. So wouldn't have to worry and you would come home to a clean and organized home. In addition, I stayed at your house a week after when I really didn't have to. When you go into you car accident after you had your son, I was so worried about you, that I cried so hard every night that I made myself sick. I was so worried that I would lose you as a friend expectully after you knew that my Mother went the same way as well.

So many times I came over to your house to clean and organize your home because some how it isn't done at your house. So many times I helped you out with your children. Where were  your other friends? No where to be found. I was there. Always.

So, why now? What made you think we were having an affair? Is there something that you are trying to hide?

From: Me

So, this morning I logged on and I didn't get a response from her. I did notice that she deleted me and now he is gone as well. I sent him an e-mail with a forward with the converstation that her and I had and if he deleted me off fb or if it was her. It was her that deleted me.

I am not sure how to handle the situation. I still want to be friends. I just don't want to lose both of them as friends over some mis understanding. Any suggestions?

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:02 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Junebaby18
by Nannerz on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:22 PM
WOW! That was long! I got almost to the end.
I think if she gets back on her meds, she will go back to the way she was before the dr took her off of them.
Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:28 PM

Sounds to me like there is something to hide.... and she's trying to cancel you out of her and Brad's life because she knows you see through her.

emiliasmom1028
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:02 PM

 


Quoting Junebaby18:

WOW! That was long! I got almost to the end.
I think if she gets back on her meds, she will go back to the way she was before the dr took her off of them.


 Yeah when I messaged "Brad" today I told him that she needed to get back on her meds. We will see.

emiliasmom1028
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:03 PM

 


Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Sounds to me like there is something to hide.... and she's trying to cancel you out of her and Brad's life because she knows you see through her.


 Yeah that makes me wonder too. She has been spending alot of time with another guy...I might need to do some poking around.

LuckyMom822
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Geez she sounds like a nut job. Brad made a mistake. I wouldn't do anything else. Brad needs to take care of this situation IMO. And yes she needs meds.

kjbugsmom1517
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:35 PM
Wow i felt like you were writing my life for alittle bit there. U could say id be the kelly, and my hubbys name is brad. He had a female friend similar. main thing about ur kelly and me is that i was the one trying to befriend her and except her and she wouldnt have it. And im not crazy lol. Let it play out. You dont know whats happening at their home.
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emiliasmom1028
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:13 AM



Quoting kjbugsmom1517:

Wow i felt like you were writing my life for alittle bit there. U could say id be the kelly, and my hubbys name is brad. He had a female friend similar. main thing about ur kelly and me is that i was the one trying to befriend her and except her and she wouldnt have it. And im not crazy lol. Let it play out. You dont know whats happening at their home.


Yeah I had that with my DH i basically told her that we are married and that we needed to work something out. Long story short we no longer speak to her. That is why (even before I met my DH) I became friends with "Kelly". I was friends with the rest of his family my as well be friends with her. I am going to step back and keep my distance from her. 

I spoke to "Brad" today I guess her doctor did not take her off the meds. She stopped taking them on her own accord. I guess she thought she didn't need them anymore. We shall see what happens!

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