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Does anyone take care of a parent or grandparent?

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:15 PM
  • 5 Replies

 My husband's grandmother is to a point where she really needs to not live alone.  She's 87 and her memory is failing.  She's becoming more and more childlike every day.  She is adament about not moving out of her house.  My in-laws already care for my mother-in-law's father who is 92 and legally blind.  They've been trying to care for my father-in-law's mom as well, but it's just too much.

My DH and I have been talking about moving in with his grandmother so she isn't alone and taking over her care.  I'm wondering if any of you have experience with this and how it worked out.  My in-laws are concerned that it would be too much to handle since we have three children (11, 9 and 8), but they can't take care of both parents.  Their siblings are not much help.  Suggestions?

by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:15 PM
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Replies (1-5):
breebree04
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:52 PM

I dont take care of my grandparents but I do live with them. They can pretty much take care of themselves still but my grandma is starting to forget/lose her memory. I also worked in an assisted living facility and from my experience its basically like having another child. You basically have to do everything for them (if shes to that point) feed them, bath them, help them get dressed, take them to appts, ect. on top of your own daily life and activities. If you think you can handle it then thats awesome. I hate to see parents/grandparents put in nursing homes if its not necessary but I understand sometimes it is necessary.

girlnextdoornco
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 4:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow! I am so impressed by you and your husband seriously considering this...what loving, selfless people you are!  It's good that you aren't just jumping into it without careful thought, though.  I can't help but think what a valuable lesson this would be to your own children. I work at a ministry called Focus on the Family and we have an article series on our website that you might find helpful.  It's called, "Becoming Your Loved Ones' Caregiver".  Blessings!

Pukalani79
by Kris on Mar. 11, 2013 at 5:38 PM

 I definitely would not consider myself selfless, but thank you. She needs something and we're just trying to figure out what is going to be best all the way around.  I'll look at the article, thanks!

Quoting girlnextdoornco:

Wow! I am so impressed by you and your husband seriously considering this...what loving, selfless people you are!  It's good that you aren't just jumping into it without careful thought, though.  I can't help but think what a valuable lesson this would be to your own children. I work at a ministry called Focus on the Family and we have an article series on our website that you might find helpful.  It's called, "Becoming Your Loved Ones' Caregiver".  Blessings!

 

e-doolittle
by Kelly on Mar. 11, 2013 at 9:06 PM

You are an inspiration!  I took care of my dad when he had cancer.  It is very rewarding but draining too.

Ziva65
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 9:14 PM

Only you can figure it out.

If her memory is failing, the one thing I would be concerned about is if she wanders, especially at night when you are all asleep. You may or may not be set up for that.

Determine her care needs, and what you can do. Does she ahve any type of insurance for care at home? Was she or her husband a VA? Does she have funds for it to help you? (I don't mean to pay you, I mean to hire someone when you can't be there).

 As for your inlaws, sometimes having a few seniors togetherisn't a bad thing if they have the space.

Check out some senior care sites and see what you can do. I'm a geriatric NP, and see it all the time. I care for my parents too, and help care for my FIL. It's hard,  it's the right thing to do :) that said, it isn't always feasible or reasonable. If you need to look at a place, sometimes that is most appropriate too.

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