So - a response I read to another post got me to thinking and therefore now sharing a recent event with a dear old friend of mine.
She and I have known each other since elementary school, but didn't become close friends until high school.
Since graduating high school - 13 years have passed.
Summer of 2004 I had a miscarriage (4 months) In 2005 I had my first son (I was only 22 - and he was born 30 weeks old) it was the scariest time of my life. My bf (baby dad) had full custody of his DD - she was diagnosed ADHD and ODD and other forms of mania at that time as well. 2009 we (bf/baby dad) finally got married, and 2012 we had our 2nd son. And just recently we moved states away from all family and friends - for new job/school opportunities.
From 2004 to present for my dear friend - she graduated college, went on to get her masters, has had some really amazing employment opportunities in her field, and teaching at her alma mater. She was a party girl and serial dater - but in 2011 found her prince and got married. She is now planning a move with her husband to FL and does not want children.
Now - about a month ago - I received and email from her - asking for my new address. (Moved about 6 month prior). I respond and ask how she is doing - she responds very abruptly (short one answer response) - so I just write back I miss you - hope you and the fam is well, you must be busy - let me know how u r doing when you have the time -
So - then - I get a weird response saying "well I was going to write you a letter but I guess I can do it like this - I'm sorry for anything I have done to you that has hurt you or affected our friendship, etc. etc"
I am totally taken aback by this and respond - like what ru talking about you are a great friend - blah blah blah. I miss you and maybe we can try to talk more, etc.
Finally she comes back saying - you have never been a good friend, you don't know what it's like to be a friend, I have been a great friend to you with nothing in return. i can't be friends with someone who doesn't know how to be a friend.
I was in total shock! I had no idea where that was coming from - considering the tone of her prior email was apologetic and whatnot.
Needless to say I just responded "Fair enough. Good luck in Florida"
She responds - "I don't know what to do to make you understand what it means to be a friend - guess I need to tell you the definition of friendship"
I don't respond.
I hate confrontations. HATE them. I HATE arguements, and HATE to fight.
I feel like she was just being nasty and I didn't want to go back and forth via email of all places!
I don't know - I am surprised and shocked - I really have no idea why she has blown up at me - except that before we moved I told her about us moving and she kind of flipped out - saying - you only contact me with big things - "im pregnate, im getting married, im moving" I will admit - i am not the best at keeping in constant contact.
I have been apologetic countless times to her over the years, about not calling or being able to hang out or make the 3.5 hr drive to visit her or whatever - I feel like she's pissed about our friendship having changed - but OUR lives have changed. I became a mother and my WORLD changed. I live for them and everything I do is for them - so I'm sorry for not having the time, means or energy to cater to a friend who could not have possibly understood or even currently understand where I am coming from or what I have gone through. BUT NEVER once would I or have I made her feel like she was responsible for that! I mean - very swiftly after I left school my life changed (miscarriage, new baby, being a live in step mom - all within a year of leaving school) so no - I wasn't going out drinking, searching the bar for a hook up or a boyfriend, or worried about my hair or make up or nails - I was burying a child, visiting a gravesite, having a baby, driving everyday for 6 weeks to the NICU to visit, VISIT! my baby, and dealing with a psycho child at home.
I'm sorry - i know this is a LONG post - but I guess I just want to see what you all think - I feel like maybe her blow up was 7 years in the making. Of course I miss her too - I miss the life I had when SHE was such a big part of it. When my only concern was shopping and going out. I let her know several times over the years how much I miss her and wish we could get together more and all of that - basically apologizing for how my life has changed our friendship - but now I feel like she's pissed about it and even if she's pissed cuz I'm not the friend to her I once was - why would she feel the need to be so nasty to me about it. I acknowledge a lot of relationships in my life have changed because of my life changing - and just simply - growing up! But I don't hold a grudge or judge or harbor any animosity toward them for it - it's a part of life.(I did try to say some of this to her - but she very quickly said she did not want any 'explainations')
Guess I am just sad that my friend is in that place with me. Don't like feeling like now - if we saw each other in a aisle of a store - she would ignore me - where I would be like "Hi!!! How are you?!" and give her a big hug! I mean to me - I'm the type of person that if we don't talk to each other or don't see eachother for years - and we run into each other - I would still be excited to see you and give you a hug and be genuinely excited to hear how you are doing (especially if at some point in our lives - we were considered friends)
To me - I guess - once friends - always friends. And for others - daily affirmation is needed.
Dunno. Sorry again for the long post.