I've become that friend for my BFF **small update**
We've been friends for over 15 years. We've been through ups and downs together, we even had a near 3 year falling out. We've been there for each other for everything. But now, it seems that I am now a friend of convenience when times are hard for her. Things are finally looking up for her, and I am happy. How long this positive road will be for her, I don't know. I hope it lasts and she can stand on her own two feet for herself and her children. I've begun to notice in the last few months that she is distant. We don't hang out let alone talk as much as we did. I planned an evening at her house but DD had a meltdown in the store and I wasn't going to reward her behavior with seeing BFFs DD. I'll text her, message her and it's always brief. It hurts that we aren't as close as we were. But I guess our paths are finally drifting apart.
Yesterday after I got off work I sent BFF a text asking if she was home, figured DD and I would stop by and hang out for a bit. I didn't get a response so I continued on home and about 30 minutes later she said she was. So we headed over. Her DD was across the street at the Grandparents so we hung out for a good hour before she came over while her friend/roommate napped on the couch. She caught me up on a few things and explained why her house was in the condition it was in. (So not going there right now, lets just say, it's the worst I have ever seen it.)
I was there for like 3 hours (maybe less), and all I could do was bite my tongue on just about everything. Two grown women living in the house and it's trashed, the eldest child won't help clean, the other two sort of help but not really. She has issues with the eldest, blames it all on the Father and what he witnessed growing up with them...... Neither BFF or the friend/roommate have a job. She was cleaning two houses, I don't know if she does them anymore. I got her in contact with another woman, cleaned for her twice maybe and cleaned the womans MIL home, hasn't done either in nearly a month (she says that the lady is giving her the run around). The job she got hired for, it fell through she said, didn't want to get into with her so I left it at that.
So she and her friend/roommate visit the friend/roomates BF in county jail and his bunky (who ends up being a very old aquintance) every other week or so. Sitting around the house, running around.. basically being teenagers all over again.
My heart was just breaking. She has gone through so much, just when things really look good for her it all come crashing down for one reason or another. I've stood by her side, got her a job, gave her food, gave her money. I can't take watching her in a sense ruin her life as well as her children's the way that she is. I so badly wanted to have a heart-to-heart conversation on options for her, but it would be for nothing. I've had several conversations like that with her before and it was like talking to the wall. I wasn't going to waste my breath or time on another conversation.
When we left I told her to call/text me some time and maybe we can get the girls together again or maybe even meet at the park. On the way home I thought about the last 5 years or so since I moved back and we mended our friendship and everything that has happened. I didn't know what to think by the time I got home, but by this morning after I dropped DD off at daycare I knew what I had to do. As much as it bothered me that we were "drifting apart", it's for the best. I don't have the perfect life, perfect relationship, nor have I made the right decisions - but at least I am trying and not letting my life or the people in take me down. I grin and bear it and go to work every day because how else are bills going to get paid, how else am I going to keep a roof over my DD's head ... etc. So, I am quietly walking away from our 15+ year friendship...