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No! You can not marry my daughter!

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So the other day my little brother (well I guess not LITTLE lol he is 24) took his girlfriends parents out for supper to ask their permission to ask Kelley to marry him. Well when he asked her dad looked him in the eye and was like "No! Absolutely not! Kelley deserves so much better than you. I will not allow her to marry a man who has had a child out of wedlock and did not marry her." After he said this to him got up and walked out! While yes my brother had a child at 17. But he WANTED to marry his DD's mom. But she didn't want to get married just because they were having a baby. Well that was for the better because they make MUCH better friends than they did a couple. My brother is an AMAZING father to his daughter. His girlfriends parents have even told him he is an amazing dad. So what do you ladies think he should do? Should he talk to his girlfriend about it? Would you ever tell your DD's boyfriend no for that reason?
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by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Replies (21-30):
ChrystalGreene
by Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 7:17 PM

Well she is dating him so obviously with OUT there permission, so this girl will do as she pleases marriage or not.

Yes I would of told him NO too but not in such a rude of a way.  And if my DD still married him I would not disown her or anything like that but she will NOT receive one penny towered her wedding or house purchase from me.

This is NOT a judgment of your brother or single dads (I got plenty in my family and love them)... you asked how we pacifically would fill with our daughters and you got the truth.

mama.samm.2.3
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 7:19 PM
He is going to talk to her. I hope they decide to get married anyways. They are so happy together. I've only seen my brother this happy when he is with his daughter. And he always goes above and beyond for both his daughter and his girlfriend.


Quoting Amberleigh81:

This happened to my friends... they decided to get married anyway, and told her mom to get over it or don't participate. She got over it and they have been married 9 years... :)



Quoting mama.samm.2.3:

As ridiculous as it may seem. And as old fashioned as it is. Thats how my parents raised the boys in my family. That you go to the door when picking up a girl for a date, open doors for them, and ask for their parents blessing before asking for a girls hand in marriage. All my older brothers did this with their wives. I know in the end it is her choice not her fathers choice. But he wants to have their blessing. She is also close with her family so I'm sure she will want their blessing as well.






Quoting jillianmayasmom:

Asking for permission is ridiculous. It is not up to her father, it is up to her. If she doesn't mind that he has a child, that is all that matters. If my husband had asked my father for permission to marry me, he would have fallen out of his chair laughing.


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Amberleigh81
by Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 7:31 PM
My friend's boyfriend asked both parents in front of my friend and her mom said, "No way! I will not allow my daughter to marry a LOCKSMITH!"

Funny thing is... boyfriend was recently out of the USMC and fFIL hired him to learn HIS business so he could take over when he retired! Talk about IRONY!!! :)


Quoting mama.samm.2.3:

He is going to talk to her. I hope they decide to get married anyways. They are so happy together. I've only seen my brother this happy when he is with his daughter. And he always goes above and beyond for both his daughter and his girlfriend.




Quoting Amberleigh81:

This happened to my friends... they decided to get married anyway, and told her mom to get over it or don't participate. She got over it and they have been married 9 years... :)





Quoting mama.samm.2.3:

As ridiculous as it may seem. And as old fashioned as it is. Thats how my parents raised the boys in my family. That you go to the door when picking up a girl for a date, open doors for them, and ask for their parents blessing before asking for a girls hand in marriage. All my older brothers did this with their wives. I know in the end it is her choice not her fathers choice. But he wants to have their blessing. She is also close with her family so I'm sure she will want their blessing as well.








Quoting jillianmayasmom:

Asking for permission is ridiculous. It is not up to her father, it is up to her. If she doesn't mind that he has a child, that is all that matters. If my husband had asked my father for permission to marry me, he would have fallen out of his chair laughing.


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mushmom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 8:18 PM
You would think asking there permission would mean something to them. That never happens anymore (though mine did 7 yrs ago ;). I can't believe their reaction. They may feel that way but that was damn rude.
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billssweety
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 8:28 PM

 As a mother of daughters truly respect this young man for asking their blessing, and really that is what it is, it isn't "permission" it is asking to have the daughter & future son-in-laws decision blessed. 

How he should handle it now is quite difficult and sadly that is all the dads fault, he flat out handled this pourly.  I would be tempted to go to the father and ask for time to explain why he is not married, though really it isn't any of his business, but if you are going to be family for the rest of "I am really sorry you do not feel I am good enough for your daughter, however I am still going to ask her and hope she says yes.  I will also be sure to tell her that I did ask you first and how you feel before she gives me a decision.  If she does say yes at that point, I hope you and I can be friends and you can respect your daughter decision....."  I would be sure to say this in a respectful tone.

e-doolittle
by Kelly on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:41 PM
So sad! Hope they can move forward if they truly love each other
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mama.samm.2.3
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:09 AM
Worst part is they know why my brother and his daughters mom aren't married. They are good friends now actually (my brother and my nieces mom.) And last September my older sister got married. And we had a BBQ a few days before the wedding. Well my brother, his girlfriend, his girlfriends parents, my nieces mom and her husband and my niece were all there along with other family too obviously. But somehow it got brought up that my brother and his ex never got married. And she told his gf's parents that he wanted to but it didn't feel right to her to get married at 17 solely for the fact that they were having a baby. But I honestly think it has worked out for the best. Because there is no "baby mama" or "baby daddy" drama between them and they actually do alot together with their DD.


Quoting billssweety:

 As a mother of daughters truly respect this young man for asking their blessing, and really that is what it is, it isn't "permission" it is asking to have the daughter & future son-in-laws decision blessed. 


How he should handle it now is quite difficult and sadly that is all the dads fault, he flat out handled this pourly.  I would be tempted to go to the father and ask for time to explain why he is not married, though really it isn't any of his business, but if you are going to be family for the rest of "I am really sorry you do not feel I am good enough for your daughter, however I am still going to ask her and hope she says yes.  I will also be sure to tell her that I did ask you first and how you feel before she gives me a decision.  If she does say yes at that point, I hope you and I can be friends and you can respect your daughter decision....."  I would be sure to say this in a respectful tone.


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mama.samm.2.3
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:12 AM
I respect the fact that you were honest.


Quoting ChrystalGreene:

Well she is dating him so obviously with OUT there permission, so this girl will do as she pleases marriage or not.

Yes I would of told him NO too but not in such a rude of a way.  And if my DD still married him I would not disown her or anything like that but she will NOT receive one penny towered her wedding or house purchase from me.

This is NOT a judgment of your brother or single dads (I got plenty in my family and love them)... you asked how we pacifically would fill with our daughters and you got the truth.


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paganmommy4
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:31 AM

THEY NEED NO ONES PERMISSION..

ruby_jewel_04
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:25 AM
Wow. Her dad sounds like an ass hat. I'd say ask the girl friend anyway, but make sure she knows what her dad said.
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