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hi, im new and need advice on 11 year olds.

Posted by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:40 AM
  • 20 Replies

I am going to go crazy. My daughter, who turned 11 in december, has got an attitude problem. I love her so much.. she is my miracle baby, but sometimes, despite that love, I cant stand her! She is selfish, cruel, hateful, and thinks the world owes her. Example: she woke up this morning, and cruelly elbowed her sleeping brother in the ribs and screamed at him to get away from her. He is older btw, and LOVES his little sister. Sometimes, at night, he checks on her to make sure she is breathing.. wierd, but touching, then he tucks her blanket about her to make sure she is warm, kisses her, then curles up protectively beside her. He spends his last dollar on her and gives her anything thing she DEMANDS. I tried to stop this, because she is already such a brat, but he cant help himself for some reason.

Anyways, I scolded her on hitting him this morning and made her get up, get dressed, and do her chores. He got up and felt bad for irritating her and offered to help. I wouldnt let him. I made him do his chores and told him she has to do things on her own. Please keep in mind this has been my attitude since she was 2. Its not like this is a new excercise on discipline for her, shes just lazy.

We get ready for church, and its great. But the moment we get home, no, before we get home, its back to her screaming at him and calling him worthless. He has patience, but to a point, and he called her worthless back. I told them neither one was worthless and if I heard that talk again both were grounded. Well, it turned into, but he said she said nonsense, until I ended that as well with a fine, extra chores threat. We get home and it becomes a blaming game between the two as to who started it. It slowly esculated into a screaming match between the two and my daughter hitting her brother again. I put her on a time out in the corner for hitting and then both got grounded from the computer for fighting. So, my daughter starts complaining and kicking the wall and whining and saying "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE HERE!" I told her she knows why and she says nuhuh!!! he started it! He made me mad with his singing!

Shes 11 and sounds like a 2 year old! I told her the more she makes noise the longer she stands there. Did this stop her? NOO.Now its "Well why isnt T in the corner then!! HE was the one humming his stupid songs!"I told her humming is not a punishable offence and she gets 5 more minutes.. More "WHY!! I didnt do anything! You cant punish me and nOT HIM! ITS NOT FAIR!" Frankly by this point, I wanted to take a brick to her! She does this EVERY TIME TO ME. I tried to ignore her, but finally after an hour of her still being in the corner and still whining, I took a paddle to her bottom and put her back in the corner. She cried for like, 10 seconds then went right back to complaining that her brother should have gotten a spanking for mking her hit him in the first place! SERIOUSLY IS MY CHILD POSSESSED? Shes an A student! She cant be that DUMB!

Finally I told her to go to her room so I didnt have to hear her. I told her that she couldnt go over to her friends to play as was earlier planned that day as punishment. She said WHATEVER and marched to her room. So everything is better for awhile, she even eventually gets out of her room and plays nicely with her brother. UNTIL its time to go to her friends. I reminded her she is grounded and not going.. And it was back to the ITS NOT FAIR I HATE YOU! WHT DID I DO WRONG!!! ITS not my fault its T;s! He was the one humming!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... and so on and so on.. and well.. lets say it went that way for about 30 minutes and her still trying to get me to tell her what she did wrong. Which I did a dozen times. Finally after an hour she burst into tears and threw herself on the floor in front of me and wouldnt let me go anywhere. She kept grabbing my ankle and doing this drama queen high pitched wail!

I finally got away from her and told her to go to her room to do her crying, so she started wailing louder. After another 10 minutes of it just getting louder and louder, I took the paddle to her again until she ran out of the room and slammed her door. I sit down for a well needed break, when my son looks up from his book and says, uh, mom? Sica is trying to steal your car. ..

So I go and check adn sure enough, she had snuck out of the room and was trying to start my car. I pulled her out of there and she started yelling at me that if I wont take her she will go herself!!!! So I drag her back inside with her pulling then her dead weighting herself forcing me to drag her.. She ended up wailing again and screaming that its not fair its her brothers fault and what did she ever do wrong and she wished he was never here because then he wouldnt have made her get in trouble with his annoying humming.. etc.. I make her go to her room and stay there, this time watching her door.. It takes 2 hours from then for her to come out, and tell me she is sorry and hug me and pretend it never happened. I spent the rest of the evening dispising her for what she put me through. I seriously wanted to slap her face so hard!!

If it was a one time ordeal, I may attribute it to a bad day. The fact this is a constant battle.. I just dont know? She gets punished jsutlike her brother for the same things. The same punishments. I spend LOTS of time with both of them together and one on one. They have lots of functions they go to..

Just recently she had a sleep over at the church.. a week later, her brother did.. BOTH the same get away, same expectations, but SHE had to be selfish and scream that is wasnt fair her BROTHER got to go on a sleep over at the church too!!


help.. :(

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pukalani79
by Kris on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:01 AM

 I'm not quite sure what to say.  Family therapy might be a good idea.  She can learn how to control herself, and you will learn ways to deal with her effectively.  Sometimes they need outside intervention.

story0702
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:46 AM
Wow. I agree with the family therapy idea. In the mean time if it were my child behaving in such a way they would be ground much longer than a week. I would explain that privileges are earned based on behavior. If you choose to behave like a 2 year old then you will have the privileges of a 2 year old. Our house has a very strict CYOB policy .....cover your own butt and worry about keeping yourself outta trouble. Parents will deal with brothers and sisters. There is also only one except acceptable response in our house when the kids Re told to do something .... Yes ma'am/sir. If they step out of line with attitude or actions in any major way it's mama boot camp. No outside activities . It's home , school , chores , homework, and exercise. They must also write a essay as to why their behavior was unacceptable. No privileges are give back unless they are earned. Luckily this has only had to been done once or twice. Stealing my car would be a month of perfect boot camp behavior before I even began to consider restoring even a single privilege . Just my opinion . Good luck mama
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JoGibson
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:58 AM
I think therapy and boundaries are needed. She is starting to grow up and maybe some of her actions towards her brother are due to his hovering. Have him stay away from her completely. And with all due respect, an eleven year old should not have her older brother in her bedroom ever. She needs her boundaries.
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momamanda
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 10:17 AM

I was going to say maybe it is hormonal. Starting at about age 9 I got major additude with my parents and would cry on thhe drop of a dime!  I couldn't help myself. but then I read the part about trying to steal the car and my jaw dropped! wow! Maybe some therapy would be good. If it doesn't change now you'll have a scary teenager. My oldest is 9 and she has additude and when she doesn't get her way she will cry and stomp to her room and say things like "I HATE MY LIFE" but she still fears me and doesn't like to be punished. I hope it all works out for you. Wish I had more advice.

AuntieMom101
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 10:20 AM
I agree with all the other posters... Family therapy. And like story0702 I run a very strict household. We do not tolerate fit throwing. We have manual labor for offenders in this house. I tell them once to stop their bad behavior and only once. I also wouldn't engage in her "what did I do wrong" game. She knows your buttons and she is pushing them for all she is worth. She knows exactly what she is doing. I would also put a stop to brother enabling her spoiled behavior.
At the risk of infuriating you I will also say if she is 11 and brother is older they should NOT be sleeping in the same bed together.
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Jamie1972
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 10:33 AM

how long has this type of behavior been going on? does she exhibit this only at home? like others said she needs therapy, possibly medication. my oldest at 5 would have these horrible fits, be completely horrible to his lil brother who was only 3 at time.  so i placed him in therapy. he was diagnosed with aggressive behavior disorder and placed on risperdal. 

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:51 AM
I agree.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 I'm not quite sure what to say.  Family therapy might be a good idea.  She can learn how to control herself, and you will learn ways to deal with her effectively.  Sometimes they need outside intervention.

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kn1ght1ngale
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:23 PM

Thank you for all your advice. Ive actually already tried counciling. The councilor finally said she cant help her. Told me to keep a diary instead and she her the diary at the end of the week and point out her behavior problems. I use to do sentences, biblical or educaional ones. It did help then, but her attitude was the same until she completed her assignments soI still dealt with the crybaby manipulative agravating fits of temper. Maybe its my inability to deal with tantrums? I expect certain behavior from both my kids and wont settle for less so refuse to budge on punishments. My son was whipped into shape by the age of 2 and now rarely crosses me. /my daughter has always been more stubborn and more resistant. She reminds me of her aunt, my sister..and my dad.BOTH who have the exact same personality traitS! My dad is sooo bad both of my kids HATE him. frankly I dont like him too much either. I dont like parenting experts advice. FEW of them are parents and their advice is to get on my knees in front of my child so I dnt intimidate her too much and calmly tell her that such behavior is unacceptable. Ive seen the results of that in action,.. I watched one expert who did have a child shake her daughter violently while on her knees and scream in her face. Right now she is acting like an angel doing everything i ask.. this will go on until she wants something in return, the the fight will be on.

PISCIS29
by Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:38 PM
I have an 11 yr old son and THIS is news to me. Idek. Hugs hun mine has a bit of an attitude but not to this extent hugs.
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AuntieMom101
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 6:30 PM
Maybe a different therapist (that is if you haven't already tried that too?) Have you talked to her pediatrician about her behavior? Sometimes talking to them can rule out any medical reasons and you can go from there?


Quoting kn1ght1ngale:

Thank you for all your advice. Ive actually already tried counciling. The councilor finally said she cant help her. Told me to keep a diary instead and she her the diary at the end of the week and point out her behavior problems. I use to do sentences, biblical or educaional ones. It did help then, but her attitude was the same until she completed her assignments soI still dealt with the crybaby manipulative agravating fits of temper. Maybe its my inability to deal with tantrums? I expect certain behavior from both my kids and wont settle for less so refuse to budge on punishments. My son was whipped into shape by the age of 2 and now rarely crosses me. /my daughter has always been more stubborn and more resistant. She reminds me of her aunt, my sister..and my dad.BOTH who have the exact same personality traitS! My dad is sooo bad both of my kids HATE him. frankly I dont like him too much either. I dont like parenting experts advice. FEW of them are parents and their advice is to get on my knees in front of my child so I dnt intimidate her too much and calmly tell her that such behavior is unacceptable. Ive seen the results of that in action,.. I watched one expert who did have a child shake her daughter violently while on her knees and scream in her face. Right now she is acting like an angel doing everything i ask.. this will go on until she wants something in return, the the fight will be on.


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