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Feeling out of place

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:34 PM
  • 12 Replies

I consider myself a friendly, easy-going, and caring person who enjoy meeting new people.   Whenever I try to interact with women my age, I feel out of place.  I feel they would rather be around somebody that has it all together, but in reality nobody has it together.  I'm a very soft spoken person and a little corky, and sometimes I have to speak up when others are taking advantage of me.  I try to spark up a conversation with some of the women in church or my neighborhood , it doesn't seem to work.  They would rather be around  somebody that is consider important or have fancy clothes.  I can't judge them , but I have to admit we are living in a cruel and shallow world.  I can't change the world.  I have to change and I have to accept my weakness.  I am a wife and mother of three wonderful children.  It's not easy raising a child with severe autism and another with mild autism.  They are truly a blessing to me, but most people see it as a curse and don't want any part of it.  I need some advice.  Can somebody help me?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ashleysmommy123
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 3:13 PM

Not sure if I can offer any real advice, but it sounds like someone who doesn't want to be your friend is missing out.  You sound like a great person with lots of strength.  Your children, regardless of abilities, are blessings.......blessings aren't always easy either.  I think that like you said, most people are shallow and aren't strong enough to be around children with disabilities.  Unfortunately lots of people would rather turn away and pretend like they don't see.  Good luck momma.....I hope you can find a true friend.......I have always believed that real friends can be counted on 1 hand.....I really have only 1 true friend that I know I can count on for anything.

iluvmybabe
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:16 PM
I feel the same way. I feel like that with everybody though, not just other mothers. I have enough "friends" but I would still like to feel accepted by my peers.
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JoyfulMemories
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:44 PM
2 moms liked this

Hello Brina! What a beautiful picture of you with your children. 

Raising children can be a lonely journey, at times, but then be filled with unexpected joys and blessings. Have you looked into any support groups for parents of children with autism in your area?  Having a group of moms and dads facing the same things can often be encouraging.

And I agree, it is hard to make lasting friendships as we get older. I've been in that situation of feeling out of place in our image-conscious society - it's no picnic.  What is shown on the "outside" is no match for the confidence and beauty you have on the "inside." I know it might sound trite but it is very true. 

It's hard not to allow our emotions to get the better of us.  When you are feeling down, take a look at your husband and children.  You are valuable to them!  They love you and are blessed to have you as their wife and mother!  Your strength and love for them is more beautiful then any outfit you can buy in a store.

Keep moving forward.  I will be praying that you find a true friend. I'm looking forward to hearing from you again. 

 ((Hugs))

LivinDeadGurl
by Maranda on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:32 AM
1 mom liked this

It's tough. I know. I too have a child with autism. 

Just keep putting yourself out there hon. You WILL find a good friend in time.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I"m sorry you are going through this - maybe look for a support group in your town ?  There is bound to be some kind of association, parent help center for families affected by autism where you can meet other moms who will understand

achelle391
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

STOP LOOKING TO THE LEFT OR RIGHT. QUIT GOING TO THEM. YOU SOUND LIKE AN AWESOME WOMAN. LET THEM COME TO YOU.  IT COULD BE THEY ARE AFRAID OF YOU BECAUSE WITH YOUR CHILDREN THEMSELVES YOU HAVE A WISDOM ALOT OF WOMEN DONT OBTAIN. GOD PULLS SPECIAL PEOPLE FOR THESE SPECIAL CHILDREN. I BELIEVE ITS THEM THAT IS MISSING OUT. BEING AT CHURCH YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE THAT PROBLEM BUT UNFORTANTLY IT DOES. MAYBE THEY ARE  NOT THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS IF THEY ARE ACTING THAT WAY. SO WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE AROUND THEM. STAND OUT AND STAND UP FOR WHO YOU ARE. BE PROUD AND SHOW OFF WHAT GIFTS GOD HAS GIVEN "YOU".

annelauer
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this

I am very sorry you are feeling that way.  I don't know what advice to give, but hope it gets better soon!

trae1982
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:42 PM

I know how you feel. I have tried playdates around town, my son just started kindergarten this year so I have tried to talk to other moms while we pick up and drop off our kids, meeting people online to make friends and just recently my son has started t-ball so I have tried to talk to other moms during practices and games and I get nothing from these other ladies. I am also quiet at first but once I get to know you I do come out of my shell. I have 3 kids and I am married. I love being home with my family but sometimes I just wish I had a friend to go out and have a girls day or night with. Someone I can talk to and isn't going to judge.

I hope things get better for you.

jsmom01
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:47 PM

I think dealing with other people is tough some times.  I say forget about those people, they are not worth your time and energy.   Honestly I rarely have my self together, and I found friends who just don't care about the superficial, I lucked into them and stumbled upon them by chance. Maybe connecting with people who have hobbies simiar would be a good avenue.

I think its good for kids to be around children who are different, and learn to be kind no matter what, and appreciate all kids for who they are. I like my son to interact with a variety of kids. 

Don't give up, not all people suck.  

bbjade
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:27 PM

Hi Brina. It does seem to get harder to make friends as we get older. I don't know why that is but I guess most of us experience it. You clearly have a beautiful heart & spirit, and a beautiful family too! It's too bad the women in your area aren't friendly but they're the ones missing out. all children are blessings... we are blessed to be entrusted with their care and all the love they bring. I can only assume raising children with autism is a strengthening & fortifying experience for you. I hope you find the friend(s) you're looking for ((hug))

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