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Boyfriend and I have different views on parenting

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:55 AM
  • 2 Replies
My bf and I have been together for 3 yrs..we live together with my daughter 16 and son 14...he has his kids every other wkend 2 daughters 8 and 15 and a son 6...recently we got into an argument which has affected our relationship as well as our 2 oldest daughters...we both love and care for each others kids and look out for them as if they were our own...however...I feel he has overstepped boundaries when telling me I should not trust my daughter and her bf of a year...that they are not sexually active...I have openly talked with my daughter letting her know she can feel comfortable coming to me to let me know if she were to become sexually active...while I do not condone it nor allow it...however..I cannot be with her 24/7...I allow her bf to come over and they are well supervised in my home...hang out in the neighborhood with friends and walk to the corner store...my boyfriend...one day..tells me I shouldn't trust that they are not doing things..that I am stupid and gullible to think that she is a virgin...and that he has discussed this with his brother and he feels the same...I was appalled to think that my bf is discussing my daughters sexuality with his brother,,.he insisted that I call her of which I had just did within 15 mins prior...they were walking back from the store...I became irate that my bf was telling me not to trust my daughter only bc he does not trust his due to her sexual experiences...I was angry and used the words he used when describing what his daughter experienced...while they were blunt and harsh...I meant no disrespect nor compared the two girls...I only said "just bc u don't trust yr daughter bc she ____ ____... Does not mean I need to not trust mine...I have apologized knowing it was wrong of me...but I feel that my daughters sexuality is not his business to be talking about...it's created a large issue as he told his daughters mother what I said but added more than what I actually said and which resulted in threats and her insulting my daughter...I only apologized again...and informed her of the real convo between him and I...I have found that my daughter has been sexually active and have talked with both her and her bf as well as his mom...it was not a big shocker to my daughters father nor I...as we expect her age is when a lot of kids start to experiment...also we have now put restrictions on her going to his house as that is where they were not supervised as we trusted...I have told her I will do what I need to as a parent to prevent any other incidences until she is at an acceptable age...preferably 45...but I have to be reasonable and talk to her instead of yell and make her feel ashamed...I've talked with her again on the birds and bees and explained to her why I will not allow it. My bf thinks my approach is not correct and again feels its his place to tell me what to do...I do not agree with what he suggests...make threats and scare her about sex...if that is what he choose with his daughter that is his parental right...and i have not told him differently,..just as my choice is mine and should not be told that i should not trust my daughter or that I am not dealing with the issue correctly...had he not tried to interfere we would not be in the predicament we are in know...and before I could even tell my daughter that I found out she was sexually active she had already came to me and told me...but now my bf's daughters mother has passed my daughters personal business around to his family and hers...I find that more disrespecting and insulting than me quoting what my bf said about his daughter...we are going for counseling this week to see what can come of this...any thoughts...opinions or advice...
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by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:55 AM
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Replies (1-2):
funhappymom
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:51 AM
2 moms liked this

I think counseling is a good place to start. Hopefully you'll be able to come to a resolution.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:12 AM

raising kids is one of the hardest things... I agree with counceling

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