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Should I let the ex move in?

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I have posted recently about struggling financially.  My ex works, but works sporadically, and just got evicted. He asked to live with me a few times, but I've said no.  My daughter (5) has been really taking the divorce hard.  She gives me a tough time every day - tantrums, disrespect, whining, crying, complaining - very defiant. This morning she slapped my face, told me she doesn't like me anymore, and wants mommy and daddy to live together again.

I know it could be the "crazy" and panic in me talking, but do I allow him to stay with me until he finds a place? Will that ease my daughter's distress? Or would it just be more confusing?  I don't want to get back together with him.  I have no love left for him and have no desire to be with him.  I just don't know what to do.  I want my kids to be ok, and if I have to live with my ex to make that happen, I'm willing to do it.  Plus, living with me might be beneficial financially - he'll get back on his feet faster (hopefully), and I'll start getting the child support money I need to survive.  Or am I just being really dumb because I'm upset about my daughter?

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:06 AM
Replies (11-20):
Crissy2424
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Get counseling for your kids and I would listen to these ladies; don't do it because, like breebree4 said, it is like putting a bandaid on the wound.

hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:31 PM
Um, no....it sounds like an incredibly bad idea.
If you allow him back, the chances of him finding a job does not go up, I'm afraid you will simply be feeding and sheltering all three of you.... No extra money and a child so turned upside down that she may be in counseling for years.
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Jen4boys06
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:31 PM

 I would say no.  I think it would make things much worse for your dd.  I agree with a previous post about family counseling. 

bbjade
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:53 PM
I say No. My dd was 1 1/2 when I divorced. now she is 6 and it just took time and a lot of reassurance to help her. I know your dd is older and so it may affect her differently, but you may confuse her if he moves in and be more traumatic for her to see him leave a second time. Just keep telling her mommy and daddy love her very much but you two don't live together anymore.. my ex-dh asked twice to stay with me while down and out. i had to say no and he understood.
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momma2b2008
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't do it for 2 reasons. The first and foremost, your dd doesn't need him to be moving in, it will just make things worse. And secondly, he needs to grow up, find his own place and get a steady job!

teamwilson
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Hell no! I'm sorry but if you all are not about to be together then daddy needs to find away to take care of himself and his kid not turn to you. That will show you how he'll take care. Of business. I would not do it myself. And dd can't be acting like that either.
lovinmyair
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:03 AM

That has to be a hard place.  This is just my opinion and you can take it with a grain of salt, but I think your daughter might be confused with your ex going in and out.  Divorce is hard on a child either way and it is hard for them to understand.  Eventually she will understand it.  She just needs to know that both you and her dad are not leaving her and it's not anything she did wrong.  It's hard for everyone involved.

savingtheworld
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:21 AM
Sounds like your in survival mode..think about it..would it really b better?
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Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:23 AM

no it will just confuse your daughter and give her false hope

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:26 AM

DD's dad and I divorced when she was 6.  The initial separation was mostly on good terms and we agreed never to let DD know we were on bad terms.  It overall went well for me but mine also went through phases of anger sometimes.  It's a way for your kid to test your boundaries - don't give in.   She must get used to the fact that you and her dad are no longer together and will never be again.  She will get used to it

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