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my whinning step daughter

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 5:51 PM
  • 11 Replies

Okay so I have many children 4 my own and 4 step.. Yes I know BIG FAMILY!! Anyways, one thing that drives me abosulty insance is when children cry for no reason. I can handly a little but WHEN ITS ALL DAY I want to rip my hair out. My step daughter, sweetie pie she is 7 years old but she crys over everything. Today her brother tossed a piece of a pretzel and it landed on her stomach, this wasnt hard, it didnt hurt her but she had a major melt down. She was screaming and crying and jumping up and down. I told her , it's nothing to cry about, you weren't hurt or anything and her complaint was "I didn't like that" then an hour later she wanted to take a shower. She already has today and I told her, "no you already did and you can take one tonight, your going to get dirty playing outside no point until tonight" Once again she started jumping up and down crying like craZy. And the only reason she wanted to take another one was because she was hot. I told her just to wash her face (i really hate when she takes showers, she leaves her clothes on the floor along with the towel and leaves the water running) She wasn't happy about that and I told her to go cry outside. an hour later she was playing on the tire swing and asked her brother to push her and so he did, but he wanted a turn a few minutes later and she flipped out AGAIN. I wouldnt let her inside and told her to stop crying before she can come back in. Many other things happened today I would say at least 5 more meltdowns ugh and it's only 2:30!!! My kids are older then her and they stopped the JUMPING UP AND DOWN when they were 4. When I talk to my husband about it, he is abolvious to it and says "it;s okay" and he totally babys her. I tell him all the time not to do that, her behavior isnt right. Am I wrong at this? What do I do? I'm at the point that I don't want her to come over on the weekends ( I watch them while my husband works so he has one day with them and i have 3)  Normally when she has a meltdown, I tell her to stop (course that never works) or I tell her to go cry outside. I got a 1 year old who doesnt cry as much as her though when my 1 year old was getting upset she was kicking her feet like her sister, but I stopped that real fast. seriously!! I just am at wits end and can't handle her anymore and I cant handle my husband thinking it's okay and 50% doesnt back me up. What can I do to curve this behavior so I can stand to be around her. I try to do fun things with her, like paint things or do girl stuff but it always ends with a meltdown ... HELP ME

by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 5:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sigmalade
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 7:17 PM

Ask her mom how she acts. Bring it up like I tried to do fingerpaints with her and she cried, does she do this with you? Some children just cry more than others for no reason. I hope you find something that works.

teri4lance
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this

#1 your dh needs to be on board with you, or he needs to find alternate childcare for her when he's not home but has her. That should get his attn. If he's going to ask you to care for his child then he needs to respect your needs and requests. 

#2 keep not responding to her fits. lol I was thinking, I'd put her butt in the corner everytime she cries and she can come out when she stops. I'd ignore her whenever she acts like that. and when she's not acting like that, you should act like it never happened. it should be good when seh's good and nothing when she's whining. a positive and a negative consequence gives a much more balanced and effective discipline than only punishing bad behavior or only rewarding good. 

as for her issues with the shower, send her back in to fix it every time. she will figure out what she can and cant get away with around you as long as you stay consistant. 

linnclark
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 7:56 PM

She only sees her mom maybe once or twice a month. She lives with her gmaw mon-thursday!  And she does act that way at her gmaws so I know it's not just me. I think she just wants the attention but she is going about it the wrong way.

Liyoness
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 8:56 PM
4 moms liked this

You need to give her more positive reinforcement. She is looking for attention. However, both you and your husband are going about this wrong. You are ignoring her, and he is enabling her. You need to meet in the middle. Praise her when she's handling things well. Walk her through the steps to handling disappointment, and encourage her progress. When she's playing with her siblings, really focus on encouraging when someone uses their words to express themselves. "I really like the way you asked for that ____." "Wow, those were some great manners when ______." "Hey, Soandso, come here - I just want you to know that I saw the way you chose to play with something else when Youngestchild grabbed that from you. You really set a good example for everyone else."

Do not make this about just the one child - make it about everyone. And soon everyone will be encouraging each other. It's basically the way things work in any daycare, preschool or kindergarten classroom.

NCJen84
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 8:58 PM

This is apparently the only way she knows how to get attention. Kids don't care if its good or bad attention they want attention. She needs one on one time with you and your dh and . We have 6 kids between ex and us so I know its hard but once she starts getting regular good attention this will pass. 


Quoting linnclark:

She only sees her mom maybe once or twice a month. She lives with her gmaw mon-thursday!  And she does act that way at her gmaws so I know it's not just me. I think she just wants the attention but she is going about it the wrong way.


 

Liyoness
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:04 PM
1 mom liked this

2/3 of the caregivers in her life are rewarding this behaviour. I'd say that in her mind, she's going about it the right way. She has always used this method and it has always worked. No one (other than you) has encouraged her to express herself in a different way.

Once everyone is on board, you will have to 'retrain' her. You cannot just ignore her behaviour without teaching her new methods in its place. You'll each have to walk her through the steps of conflict several times before she is able to self-regulate her emotions.

Quoting linnclark:

She only sees her mom maybe once or twice a month. She lives with her gmaw mon-thursday!  And she does act that way at her gmaws so I know it's not just me. I think she just wants the attention but she is going about it the wrong way.



KylesMom409
by Linnette on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:52 PM
I couldn't agree more. Great advice.

Quoting teri4lance:

#1 your dh needs to be on board with you, or he needs to find alternate childcare for her when he's not home but has her. That should get his attn. If he's going to ask you to care for his child then he needs to respect your needs and requests. 

#2 keep not responding to her fits. lol I was thinking, I'd put her butt in the corner everytime she cries and she can come out when she stops. I'd ignore her whenever she acts like that. and when she's not acting like that, you should act like it never happened. it should be good when seh's good and nothing when she's whining. a positive and a negative consequence gives a much more balanced and effective discipline than only punishing bad behavior or only rewarding good. 

as for her issues with the shower, send her back in to fix it every time. she will figure out what she can and cant get away with around you as long as you stay consistant. 

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ooCherryo0
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:23 PM

I had a sd like that. She grew out of it for the most part. She may just want attention. Have you tried spending time with her? As annoying as it might be she might need some one on one time.

BuckeyezRule
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:48 PM

My own 8yo dd will sometimes act like that. Thankfully, it only seems to be a few days, then she's fine for a few weeks. She can be the best child, or so dramatic I want to scream. Lol

linnclark
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 4:40 PM

I spend time with her on and on all the time. We paint nails, garden, do hair.. I do lots of girl stuff with her but still she whins about EVERYTHING!!

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