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I need help

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:29 PM
  • 15 Replies

I need help,I introduced my daughter Alexis and Hayley to the new man in my life,Heath tonight.Alexis took it very well and kindly shook his hand.I am proud of her for this.The problem is with Hayley,she is 10 and ran away going in her room.I was not too happy with her and had a talk with her about it saying how unhappy I am with her.She felt I was going to spend more time with him and I told her that is not true.Told her I still love her and will spend equal time with her including Alexis.Heath,he called an hour later and I told him I had the talk with her about it.He was cool about that and knows I am resolving the problem.I have talked to Alexis about it,she wants to know him more.Hayley,she does not want to know him more yet.I have talked to a friend of mine that is a therapist whom works with people in relationships.Said there is a wall between that needs to be broken and she said would kindly help out.What else can I do?I don't want to see it get into bad blood at all.

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Did you spring this on them?  Like a surprise?  Or did you talk to them about it before actually introducing him to you kids?

CassieJ13
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:50 PM

I talked to them on this last night including introducing them to Heath.Heath is a nice guy and we started dating on Monday,Alexis understands to move on with her life and my friend Rebecca whom is a relationship therapist says Hayley has not moved on yet for a reason which we are going to find the answer why this is happening.I love Heath and he is a single father of two kids also.

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:30 AM

probably has more to do with losing the hope that Mommy and Daddy are going to get back together.  Maybe have a fun outing together.

ruby_jewel_04
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:41 AM
3 moms liked this
Personally, I think you introduced everyone WAY to soon. They didn't even have time to get used to the idea of you dating. You've been together for 4 days. That's not really enough time in my opinion. She might come around. But its going to take a while.
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KylesMom409
by Linnette on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:01 AM
I agree.

Quoting MixedCooke:

probably has more to do with losing the hope that Mommy and Daddy are going to get back together.  Maybe have a fun outing together.

kidlover2
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:12 AM
I introduced my kids very quickly to my fiancée... within a week of dating. For about three months ( mind you we dated fast and heavy) all of our "alone dates" were when the kids were not around, no babysitters, they were just doing their normal other activities. Most of other dates were trips to the fair, the zoo, the playground, fireworks etc. You'll make sure the kids don't feel left out and you'll also get a good feeling on how your date feels about kids and how he interacts with them. I actually applaud women who introduce " boyfriends" right off to their older kids. IMO, it shows that they care what the kids think and not just themselves.
Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:58 AM
2 moms liked this

You just started dating this man and you introduced him to your children?  I think that was really too quick.  You need to give your girls time to realize things are changing, and you need to give yourself time to see if this new guy is actually going to be in your life for awhile.  I am a firm believer that children don't need to meet every person their parent dates unless it's getting serious.  Even then they need some time to prepare.  You can't just spring something on them.

My dd never met anyone I was dating until I meet my SO, and even then he and I had been together - only seeing each other for about 6 1/2 months.

You're just going to have to give it some time.

** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

kranger
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Agree. Too soon and too personal. I would have introduced in a public place, that way there was no stranger moving in on their territory. My girls never met anyone I dated unless I thought it was heading in a serious direction. In the 14 years of being divorced they have met 3 people. (one they were too young to remember). I had a friend who brought her daughter around everyone. I always felt bad for the daughter. Waking up to a new guy in her house all the time.


Quoting Briesmom38:

You just started dating this man and you introduced him to your children?  I think that was really too quick.  You need to give your girls time to realize things are changing, and you need to give yourself time to see if this new guy is actually going to be in your life for awhile.  I am a firm believer that children don't need to meet every person their parent dates unless it's getting serious.  Even then they need some time to prepare.  You can't just spring something on them.

My dd never met anyone I was dating until I meet my SO, and even then he and I had been together - only seeing each other for about 6 1/2 months.

You're just going to have to give it some time.


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Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:17 AM

Absolutely I agree with you about introducing them in a public place, my SO first met my dd at a park.  This way she got to play and when she wanted to speak with him she would come over for a bit, it was a  really nice day.  I had prepared her well in advance, she knew about him and she actually wanted to meet him.

Quoting kranger:

Agree. Too soon and too personal. I would have introduced in a public place, that way there was no stranger moving in on their territory. My girls never met anyone I dated unless I thought it was heading in a serious direction. In the 14 years of being divorced they have met 3 people. (one they were too young to remember). I had a friend who brought her daughter around everyone. I always felt bad for the daughter. Waking up to a new guy in her house all the time.


Quoting Briesmom38:

You just started dating this man and you introduced him to your children?  I think that was really too quick.  You need to give your girls time to realize things are changing, and you need to give yourself time to see if this new guy is actually going to be in your life for awhile.  I am a firm believer that children don't need to meet every person their parent dates unless it's getting serious.  Even then they need some time to prepare.  You can't just spring something on them.

My dd never met anyone I was dating until I meet my SO, and even then he and I had been together - only seeing each other for about 6 1/2 months.

You're just going to have to give it some time.



** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:55 AM

Wait...you started dating MONDAY?  As in, less than a week ago??  Whoa....  I think you're lucky your DD didn't punch the guy or something.  That was way way too soon for an introduction.  You have no idea where the relationship is going to go.  What if you only date for a month and then end it??  And you've brought this guy into your kids lives already?  How can you say you love someone that you've only been dating for 4 days?  Sorry, but I think I'm on your DD's side in all this.

Quoting CassieJ13:

I talked to them on this last night including introducing them to Heath.Heath is a nice guy and we started dating on Monday,Alexis understands to move on with her life and my friend Rebecca whom is a relationship therapist says Hayley has not moved on yet for a reason which we are going to find the answer why this is happening.I love Heath and he is a single father of two kids also.


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