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Not sure how to respond to this

Posted by on May. 4, 2013 at 9:56 PM
  • 15 Replies

so my husbands grandma came up to me at church when someone was talking to me about our sons upcoming heart surgery and she said in a very rude comment, dont feel sorry or pity for eli dont even worry if you want to worry about any child go to a childrens cancer ward there are children there they need someone to worry about them.

i just looked at her and couldnt even open my mouth if was so rude and hurtful, i just wanted to cry. she also thinks shes a know it all. the guy was saying how long they think his recovery will be and i told him it depends on his ability to swollow after the tubes that were in his throat because the dr told me that in babies this young they lose there ability to swollow and he just needs to learn again. she said no they dont its called sore throat he will be fine and the drs dont know what they are talking about after that i just walked away and told my husband i wanted to leave. she really hurt my feelings she has never been that rude to me and uncaring especially to her great grandson

Like my baby boys CHD awareness page https://www.facebook.com/CHDEliasPierceStory

by on May. 4, 2013 at 9:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
anotherandree
by Inga on May. 4, 2013 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this

At this point, if you want to say something, I might say something along the lines of, "Last weekend when you said (paraphrase but be specific so she can't dispute it), what I made up about that is that Eli's upcoming heart surgery is not a big deal even though surgery on someone this young is always risky, and your comments made me feel hurt and angry."

However, I might just let it go and just be prepared with something if (and more like WHEN) she says something again.  Now that you know it is coming (because that would have caught me off gaurd too!) have a well prepared, non-pissy, but still shut-the-hell-up-you-hag type thing ready to stop her in her tracks!

How dare she!  Old people can either be adorable or really suck.

IQuitCounting
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, I'd just let it go, since the moment has passed.  Who knows what's going through her head, and in fact it could be her way of coping.  Some people get mean as a way to guard themselves against possible pain.  Sounds weird, but there it is.

As for if she does it again, I would say try to just be honest and tell her that even though there are kids out there going through "worse" it doesn't mean that this isn't impactful to you and your family.  It's still scary and it's still hard and he's just a baby.  She needs to keep her opinions to herself if they're not going to be helpful and positive.

Narwa
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:21 PM

yea ty

---terrah---
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:41 PM

I wouldn't say anything now since time has already passed since the incident.

It sounds like she is just one of those rude and abrasive senior citizens and it's better to just let what she says go in one ear and out the other. Everyone knows that a baby having heart surgery is a big deal...so "grandma" saying otherwise just makes her look like a fool. Don't even bother worrying about what she said....chalk it up for being so old.

If you really want to set the record straight, just politely let her know that you would appreciate if she keeps her comments about your son's health to herself. Let her know that you are stressed out enough as it is and would ask that she respect your feelings and keep her opinions to herself.


opal10161973
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Sounds like she is developing dementia to me.  Especially if she wasn't like this before.  If that's the case, well, then there is nothing you can say that will make a difference.  Maybe remind her to take her memory meds because she has lost her mind?  LOL

Narwa
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:48 PM

ty i did let it go, i just needed to talk to my cafe mommies because its safe for me to vent to you guys and also none of my husbands family knows what cafe mom is so i can talk on here better then on facebook i love you guys you are all so supportive and helpful

Quoting ---terrah---:

I wouldn't say anything now since time has already passed since the incident.

It sounds like she is just one of those rude and abrasive senior citizens and it's better to just let what she says go in one ear and out the other. Everyone knows that a baby having heart surgery is a big deal...so "grandma" saying otherwise just makes her look like a fool. Don't even bother worrying about what she said....chalk it up for being so old.

If you really want to set the record straight, just politely let her know that you would appreciate if she keeps her comments about your son's health to herself. Let her know that you are stressed out enough as it is and would ask that she respect your feelings and keep her opinions to herself.



Like my baby boys CHD awareness page https://www.facebook.com/CHDEliasPierceStory

Narwa
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:49 PM

lol thats what my MIL and DH think

Quoting opal10161973:

Sounds like she is developing dementia to me.  Especially if she wasn't like this before.  If that's the case, well, then there is nothing you can say that will make a difference.  Maybe remind her to take her memory meds because she has lost her mind?  LOL


Like my baby boys CHD awareness page https://www.facebook.com/CHDEliasPierceStory

diaperstodating
by Angel on May. 4, 2013 at 10:58 PM
Bump
Crissy2424
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 11:10 PM

WOW

opal10161973
by on May. 4, 2013 at 11:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Then if that is the case, all you can do is ignore her when she says things like that.  Sad news is that it will likely only get worse.  Try not to take it personally. 

Quoting Narwa:

lol thats what my MIL and DH think

Quoting opal10161973:

Sounds like she is developing dementia to me.  Especially if she wasn't like this before.  If that's the case, well, then there is nothing you can say that will make a difference.  Maybe remind her to take her memory meds because she has lost her mind?  LOL



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