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Are parents becoming more judgemental...

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When I had my first DS 5 years ago, I can honestly say that no one ever bothered me or interrogated me about our parenting choices. As a matter of fact, most people didn't even ask us whether we planned to FF or BF, use cloth diapers or disposables etc....

But since I had my newest baby it seems like all of a sudden, everyone has an opinion on what we choose to do with our kids. Before we even had our newest DS, people were quizzing us about feeding options, what diapers we planned to use, whether we planned on using a crib etc....And it seems like the same people that are asking us all these questions are pretty opinionated and judgemental if you don't agree with them.

For instance, we decided to co-sleep with our first DS and no one said anything at all. Now we are co-sleeping with our newest baby and I'm amazed at how often I hear negative remarks about it. I feel like I am constantly defending our choices as parents. 

Do you feel that parents are becoming more aggressive and opinionated recently? Do you feel that you are judged more now about your parenting choices than before? Or do you feel that things have stayed the same?


by on May. 5, 2013 at 10:15 PM
Replies (11-20):
KDBeckham
by on May. 6, 2013 at 8:58 AM

I believe the media and well the rest of the world have a lot to do with it. Research changes daily and the results of that research blinds people to the differences held by each baby/family/situation around the world. Everyone thinks if a scientist/doctor says it that it must be true or the gospel. And those are usually the people that are the most opinionated and judgmental. Those are the people who usually are not happy with their own choices so they feel its necessary to tell everyone else how bad they are as parents.

jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2013 at 9:07 AM

You shouldn't necessarily.  BUT, if you're one of those people that bitches and moans that nothing is working and you don't know what to do and your kids are running rampant, etc. etc. etc. (Not saying this is you, just giving examples of what a lot of parents do nowadays.)  And you ask for help, opinions, ideas, or whatnot, essentially "airing your dirty laundry", then don't be surprised when people judge you, especially if what you're doing goes against proven research.  Again, not YOU, a general YOU.

Quoting deskorcasmomma:

But why should I have to " back up "my decisions to you. I do what I do to my kids because it is my choice to do it. I should not have to justify my reasons to anybody. If you want to judge me then it is your time and energy you are wasting. I will not lose a wink of sleep just because you think I am doing something you do not agree with.

Quoting jackiewal10:

Honestly, I can be pretty judgmental. And it's toward those parents who don't research their choices.  Because SOOO many don't. They just say, "I'm doing this because 'so-and-so' told me that's the way to do it".  Well, that's crap.  There is so much out there that we know now that we didn't know 20/30/40/etc. years ago. Things change daily.  It's your job as a parent to be up to date on YOUR decision(s).  If you have done research and can back you decisions up with more that a "just because" (like to vax or not to vax, for example), then I don't care what your decision is. 


mamaslilpunkin
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2013 at 9:12 AM

 THIS exactly!! Took the words out of my mouth!! I don't have to justify my actions and decisions to ANYone.No one does.

Quoting deskorcasmomma:

But why should I have to " back up "my decisions to you. I do what I do to my kids because it is my choice to do it. I should not have to justify my reasons to anybody. If you want to judge me then it is your time and energy you are wasting. I will not lose a wink of sleep just because you think I am doing something you do not agree with.

Quoting jackiewal10:

Honestly, I can be pretty judgmental. And it's toward those parents who don't research their choices.  Because SOOO many don't. They just say, "I'm doing this because 'so-and-so' told me that's the way to do it".  Well, that's crap.  There is so much out there that we know now that we didn't know 20/30/40/etc. years ago. Things change daily.  It's your job as a parent to be up to date on YOUR decision(s).  If you have done research and can back you decisions up with more that a "just because" (like to vax or not to vax, for example), then I don't care what your decision is. 

 

mamaslilpunkin
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2013 at 9:15 AM

 When I had my dd 9 1/2 years ago,no one EVER questioned me as to why I formula fed,used disposable diapers,did not co-sleep and fully vaxed.I have my own reasons for ALL of it and I don't need to justify my actions to anyone.I'm sooo happy I don't have a very young child now,just for the fact that mothers are so bitchy and judgemental.I could care less what other people do with their kids,why would they care what I do?

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM

People are definitely judgemental but I've always said, the way you raise your children is such a personal choice.  No 2 people are alike and nothing you can do will ever make everyone happy.  I used to be on another mommy site where we were a small group and we ALL had different ways of raising our children. 

Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM

I just had my first baby 8 months ago & I'm struggling with this. I generally don't tell people what I do anymore because everyone seems to have an oppinion. I'm more for attachment parenting because that is what has come naturally to me. I breastfeed & co-sleep. Most other older mom's don't understand because they didn't breastfeed. They don't understand how much easier it is to co-sleep so I can night nurse without getting out of bed. I get alot of questions about how long I will breastfeed. I find that question to just be rude. I don't think it's anyones business how long I decide to breastfeed. I just wanna go with the flow & let my baby wean when she's ready. I really think as a mom your damned if you do & your damned if you don't. Someone will make you feel bad about your choices no matter what.

Amberleigh81
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:30 AM
It's because of the interwebs and sites like these... The flip side is there is also more support. It's all in who you choose to associate with... :)
Raeann11
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2013 at 12:32 PM

I feel it is the same.

KRIZZ25
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2013 at 12:33 PM
options are like ass holes every one has one.
Scribbleprints
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 4:46 PM

I haven't noticed a difference...but then I don't get out much except with a few good friends who happen to be very non-judgemental (or if they are, keep it to themselves).  

I DID notice the opposite difference on co-sleeping between the hospital where I had my first, and the hospital where I had my second and third (after we'd moved).  The first hospital really discouraged co-sleeping.  Told us to always put the baby in the warmer to sleep, etc. and made it sound like a crime if the baby ever slept in our bed.  At the the second hospital, just 19 months later the nurse came in around 1:00 in the morning while I had my son laying next to me, and I told her I had brought him to bed because it was cold (which was true) and was all prepared for a fight, but in stead she said "Oh, if he's going to stay with you I can take the warmer away if you like...so it won't be in your way."   

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