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Are parents becoming more judgemental...

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When I had my first DS 5 years ago, I can honestly say that no one ever bothered me or interrogated me about our parenting choices. As a matter of fact, most people didn't even ask us whether we planned to FF or BF, use cloth diapers or disposables etc....

But since I had my newest baby it seems like all of a sudden, everyone has an opinion on what we choose to do with our kids. Before we even had our newest DS, people were quizzing us about feeding options, what diapers we planned to use, whether we planned on using a crib etc....And it seems like the same people that are asking us all these questions are pretty opinionated and judgemental if you don't agree with them.

For instance, we decided to co-sleep with our first DS and no one said anything at all. Now we are co-sleeping with our newest baby and I'm amazed at how often I hear negative remarks about it. I feel like I am constantly defending our choices as parents. 

Do you feel that parents are becoming more aggressive and opinionated recently? Do you feel that you are judged more now about your parenting choices than before? Or do you feel that things have stayed the same?

by on May. 5, 2013 at 10:15 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on May. 6, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Actually, with my second I feel like there's less judgement.  I think some of it is that I'm no longer in the first-time mom panic mode - OMG, he'll be stupid if I don't breastfeed for a year!  He'll die of cancer if I don't get him circumcized! He'll have ADHD if i even consider turning the TV on for 5 minutes! - and once you actually make all those hard decisions for the first child, it's much easier with the second child.  I also now have enough balls to be able to tell people to butt out, I know what I'm doing.

In real life, I find a lot of moms my age struggled with the same things - and we bond over that and don't judge.  It's mostly on the internet that people gets really judgey.

by on May. 6, 2013 at 8:40 PM

Agreed. :)

OP, fwiw, we co slept with our kids for years. From the time they were 2 and 3 until about 6 and 7. You would not believe how nasty people were about it. I rarely got positive comments. The one I got the most was, 'our bed is for hubby and I'. Well, good for you. I can share my bed, and still have a great marriage. They were always saying it in a negative tone. If they'd just said it nicely, it wouldn't have been so bad. :(

Quoting TroyboysMom:

To a degree, yes. I think, in part, it has to do with the shift toward the "tabloid" culture - the paparazzi/news started it by getting so caught up in trying to report every little thing about everyone that it breeds the idea that nothing is private anymore, and that everything should be open for discussion; social media furthers it because the lines are blurred. Everyone reports everything. Anyone has to know every last thing about anyone else's life, in order to be able to make a statement about it. I find it very sad.

by on May. 6, 2013 at 9:48 PM

You know, in real life I didn't get it too much. Well, I did BF my son until he was 2, and I caught hell about that, but I really didn't care for the most part. I think the place I got judged the most was when I would post my questions and/or look for advice on forums, and I would get my butt handed to me every time.

Not because I was saying something off the wall, but because I didn't understand forum ettiquette and to steer clear of mommy war topics (FF vs. BF, co-sleep vs. no co-sleep, working moms vs. sahms, etc.). Some moms can get downright nasty and despicable if you don't agree with pop culture, the TV doc of the time, or, um, THEM and their idea of what good parenting is. I mean, I don't even parent each of my children the same way, so how in the hell can anyone tell someone how to parent? Every kid and every family is different.

 I just keep my parenting to myself, and raise my children the way I know they need to be raised. It's been working out just fine. 

by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 9:54 PM
I find people to be pretty judgemental.

The inky time i say something about anyones parenting is when it comes to the childs safety (not hooked in the carseat right etc)
by on May. 6, 2013 at 10:04 PM

It really doesn't matter if someone is making educated choices or not. Fact is, they are the parent and they can make whatever decision they want for whatever reasons they want. I'm sure we have enough things to deal with in regards to our own children that we really need to focus on THEM right now and not children outside our own homes. How ridiculous.

Quoting deskorcasmomma:

But why should I have to " back up "my decisions to you. I do what I do to my kids because it is my choice to do it. I should not have to justify my reasons to anybody. If you want to judge me then it is your time and energy you are wasting. I will not lose a wink of sleep just because you think I am doing something you do not agree with.

Quoting jackiewal10:

Honestly, I can be pretty judgmental. And it's toward those parents who don't research their choices.  Because SOOO many don't. They just say, "I'm doing this because 'so-and-so' told me that's the way to do it".  Well, that's crap.  There is so much out there that we know now that we didn't know 20/30/40/etc. years ago. Things change daily.  It's your job as a parent to be up to date on YOUR decision(s).  If you have done research and can back you decisions up with more that a "just because" (like to vax or not to vax, for example), then I don't care what your decision is. 

by Kelly on May. 6, 2013 at 10:13 PM

definitely judgmental!

by on May. 6, 2013 at 10:14 PM

Ever since I had DD I've had people asking what I was going to do but nobody I know is rude enough to say anything terribly negative to my face, so that's just fine with me. I don't care what their opinion is, really. They can judge me until the cows come home and it doesn't bother me. I don't ever feel like I have to defend my choices because if I get a whiff of some attitude I shut down the topic and we move on. It's none of anyone else's business what I do with my DD or how I do sleeping, feeding, and all of those things. I know what works for my DD (who is extremely difficult and sensitive with her sleeping) and what doesn't and nobody else (even DH is a bit clueless) does so it doesn't offend me. I just know they don't have all of the information and so it's not worth discussing with them. I don't need to defend myself at all. I do think that parenting techniques are always good for stirring up readership in blogs and magazines and lately there have been a lot more stories about things like breastfeeding and co-sleeping, so yes I think  more people are aware of those things to have an opinion about them these days as opposed to years ago.

by Ivy on May. 6, 2013 at 10:37 PM

 I don't think people are more judgmental, they just have less filters and are a lot more vocal about their opinions

by on May. 7, 2013 at 12:14 AM

Hi!  Can someone tell me where I go on this site to find out what all the abbreviations stand for? ex DS DD FF


Quoting snowangel1979:

Yes I swear filters are gone now.
When I had DS 9 years ago no one really said anything. I sometimes got that random crazy lady but that was it.

With DD who's 2. Omg. I swear, I got so many opinions from just random people. When I went to DS school it was the worst. Hello, random mom that I didn't catch your name but thank-you for the 30minute lecture on how you pumped for the first year of your child's life or how vaccines are important. I'm not giving you the reasons I don't vax or why I had to bring her with me to drop DS off at school because It's none of your business. I just started walking away when people talked.

by on May. 7, 2013 at 1:23 AM
You only have to have an account here on CM to know that the practice of 'minding your own damn business' is quickly fading.

I don't really discuss or defend the way I parent. It's my choices, and if someone doesn't like it, family included, they can kick rocks with no shoes on.
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