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Marriage trouble

Posted by on May. 9, 2013 at 8:47 PM
  • 14 Replies

My husband and I have been married for 9 years.  This past March, I found out he was having an emotion/sexual affair online through texts and email.  This is a women he met in person in our town through a work thing.  That is how they started contacting each other, but it turned into much more.  I found out cause I saw a mesage she sent him.  This had been going on 1 year!  She sent him naked pictures and the text I saw was very sexually explicit.  I confronted him, he came clean and stopped contact with her.  He says he has never done anything like this before.  We have talked about this only 2 times!  Since the whole thing was exsposed, we- mainly I have been very unhappy.  He acts like nothing happend.  I have brought up seeing a marriage counselor several times, but he just blows it off.  I know it's something I just need to set up myself.   My question to all you is... has anyone else gone through something like this?  I still find suspicous emails, texts, FB messages from women.  I confront him and he is defensive and quick to blow it off and change the topic.  I don't even know how much a counselor would help.. we have 3 kids and it's hard to get time away.  I honelsly don't trust him.  I don't think he would have an actual affair, but then again I don't know.

by on May. 9, 2013 at 8:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KRIZZ25
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2013 at 9:14 PM
i have been the other women..if he don't women to try u cat make him..its ur decision to stay or go..
luv4life678
by on May. 9, 2013 at 11:28 PM
2 moms liked this

My dh has cheated on me and we went through counseling and our marriage came out stronger because of it. But both parties have to be willing to work it out. But I guarantee you if he will cheat online, he will cheat sexually,IMO. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it can be. 

C12H22O11addict
by on May. 9, 2013 at 11:34 PM
For me, once the trust is gone, that's it.
Good luck OP.
I hope everything works out.
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jenni_b76
by on May. 10, 2013 at 12:06 AM
I have gone thru it with my dh and it led to him leaving me and our kids for the other woman! But we are still together after it all happened and we are each inn individual counseling and soon we'll be in marriage counseling, which was his idea! My dh doesn't have a fb and he even changed his phone service to get calls no texts, no web so things work out for the best at times. Good luck. If you need someone to talk to you can pm me.
Saharra
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 7:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Now, I don't take divorce lightly.... But this is one case were I would threaten it and pull it through if it was needed. Once the trust is lost, it is hard to bring it back. But even before that, are you willing to fight for your marriage? Set some terms with him. Tell him he needs to get rid of the phone. Take the computer out of the house for awhile. Go to counseling. How hard are you willing to fight for your family and kids? If he chooses to not follow the conditions you put down, tell him you want a trial seperation. This will give him a taste of what it's like without you (and the kids). Tell him you are still there if he wants his marriage, but you don't want to put the kids through this and it's his choice. Put the ball in his court and let him take it. You can't carry the worry and fear around because it wil eat you and make everybody unhappy. Praying for you guys!
kidlover2
by on May. 10, 2013 at 7:33 AM
I have very little trust with men to begin with. My first husband cheated and left. If my fiancée started pulling something similar, I'd be gone.
Briesmom38
by Gold Member on May. 10, 2013 at 7:55 AM

I have no tolerance for any of that crap.  If I can't trust my man, and he has no respect for me, then there is no reason for him to be my man any longer.  I'm very sorry you are going thru this.  Good luck with whatever you decide.

** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

nurse1997
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 10:04 AM

 This is the best advice to give someone you saved me alot of writing ;]

Now, I don't take divorce lightly.... But this is one case were I would threaten it and pull it through if it was needed. Once the trust is lost, it is hard to bring it back. But even before that, are you willing to fight for your marriage? Set some terms with him. Tell him he needs to get rid of the phone. Take the computer out of the house for awhile. Go to counseling. How hard are you willing to fight for your family and kids? If he chooses to not follow the conditions you put down, tell him you want a trial seperation. This will give him a taste of what it's like without you (and the kids). Tell him you are still there if he wants his marriage, but you don't want to put the kids through this and it's his choice. Put the ball in his court and let him take it. You can't carry the worry and fear around because it wil eat you and make everybody unhappy. Praying for you guys!


 

Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 10:41 AM

I'm so sorry your going through this. I think the best thing to do is have a real heart to heart with him & tell him if he dosn't do some kind of therapy with you then the marriage is over. That's what I would do anyway. Good luck hun.

BannerElkHogans
by on May. 10, 2013 at 10:47 AM

Hun there only sorry they got caught an they kiss your ass with the Im so so sorry's afterwards so you'll stop chewing into his ass about his behavior....from what I read emotional cheating is so much worse an it sounds to me like he thinks what he did isn't that bad.......I would leave for a week or 2 give him enough time to start sweating ....worried,etc.....an I would lay down the law to him now!  If this happens again I'm gone Capeesh!

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