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i dont know where else to go for opinions

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Ok, here's my situation. I have a 12 year old son. Me and his father split up in 2008. I went for custody while we were still together. I was with my sons father for 8 years and he sat on his ass the whole time. I raised my son I worked I went back to school all while this man sat home on the computer. Anyway, I got sole physical custody and his father got no visitation. He is court ordered to pay $25 a month and he has never made one payment. I honestly don't even want it. Here's where my problem lies. I am now married to a wonderful man who is willing to adopt my son. My son tells me each and everyday that he wants me to change his last name to what mine is (which is my husbands last name). I sent my sons father a polite email asking if he would sign over his rights and he replied rudely telling me no (amongst other things). Is there anything I can do, being that he doesn't pay child support, and hasn't seen his son since 2008. I would love to honor my sons requests but want to do it the right way. Any input is appreciated.
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:58 PM
Replies (11-20):
peledomer
by on May. 12, 2013 at 8:45 PM

If you son wants to have your new husbands last name, would your ex be moved if your child was willing to write a letter to his father asking for this one thing? Not to bring you son into it but if this is what he wants then maybe he could write a letter to his father, maybe even get out some built up emotions from over the past years.


That is awesome that your son wants your husband to adopt him, the age he is sometimes no matter how amazing the person is that you bring into your life a child will rebel against it for it is not their biological parent.


Whatever the outcome, appreciate the relationship the 3 of you have now as a family.

fingers crossed

Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2013 at 9:08 PM

Was it court ordered for your ex to pay the 25.00 a month? Sounds like you need to talk to a lawyer for advice. It wouldn't hurt to just give a lawyer a call.

Karen_29
by on May. 13, 2013 at 9:11 AM

I would take it to court and have his rights terminated. I would have your lawyer tell them that dad is not an active part of sons life and has not paid any support as well. A friend of mine went through this back in the late 90's and the judge told her ex that he either paid all of his back support,go to jail for non payment or sign over his rights. It was a lengthy process with the termination of rights and the adoption but it was well worth it! Good luck...

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 9:23 AM

lawyer

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 9:23 AM

this will have to be done through lawyers & court

nickigoingon8
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM

I had this situation with my oldest....your best bet is to get a lawyer they will send him papers...if you know his address....if you don't know his address they will put an article in the newspaper for about 7 days, if he doesn't respond then the adoption should go through...in 2008 it cost about 1200.00 but if you are lower income you might be able to get a probono attorney that will do it for free! GL

SugarMamaO76
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:41 PM

 You need to ONE fiel in court.... 2 if he cannot be reachethat way you are suuposed to take out a publc ad in your local newspaper... a desperately seeking susan kind of thing..... I would pra that you get no response. Here in AZ where I live I can change my name to anything I want if I can prove I have been using it for 6 mo or longer with OUT having to file a legal nme change document. He could use that name at scool, which is what my cousins did, they just dropped their dads name took on their step dads name. ny case I wish you the st of luck, I would file for legal aide i f youcant afford to get an attourney.

SugarMamaO76
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

 OMG so sorry for all the typos I let my kids use my laptop and they got crumbs all up under my keys GRRRRRR

WandaSue
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:49 PM

 this exactly!

 

Quoting peledomer:

If you son wants to have your new husbands last name, would your ex be moved if your child was willing to write a letter to his father asking for this one thing? Not to bring you son into it but if this is what he wants then maybe he could write a letter to his father, maybe even get out some built up emotions from over the past years.

 

That is awesome that your son wants your husband to adopt him, the age he is sometimes no matter how amazing the person is that you bring into your life a child will rebel against it for it is not their biological parent.

 

Whatever the outcome, appreciate the relationship the 3 of you have now as a family.

fingers crossed

 

arctophile
by Christi on May. 13, 2013 at 2:56 PM

It depends on if you want him to be adopted by your current husband or if you just want to change his name.  My husband had frequent visits with his son, still pays child support every month, etc and his son changed his name in October to match his maternal grandmother's last name.  He changed his middle name at the same time.  They will have to send a notice to  your ex that the name change is being done, but I would imagine with the lack of child support, etc even if he showed up for court, the judge would likely grant a name change.

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