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I never knew I would be this lonely...

Posted by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:37 PM
  • 58 Replies
1 mom liked this

Wow.... I'm surrounded by kids and people all the time, but I feel like I'm completely isolated.  Sound familiar to you?  I used to be an RN working 12 hour shifts, constantly on the go, and never had a free minute in a day.  I used to daydream about being a SAHM, homeschooling my kiddos, and being the best housewife I could be.  But the truth of the matter is this is the absolute lonliest time of my life. 

A little intro... I'm 33, married, and I have three beautiful little angels.  My hubby recently took a small church, which uprooted us from family and the few friends we had into a place we've never been before.  We've been here nearly two years, and I thought at first I just neded time to settle in.  Things have been rough... really, really rough.  I'm still standing strong, but sometimes I feel like I'm falling to pieces on the inside.  I have no friends whatsoever here.  My husband works a full-time job from home, and when he is not working he's being a pastor and all that goes into that.  I am with him and my children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Even if I had time for myself, I wouldn't know what to do or where to go.  Somedays I do ok.  There are a few that I do really well.  But others, I barely make it through the day.  Truth be told, that's the way it is most of the time, only no one really knows.  I am a private person, I'm not one of these to air my dirty laundry on facebook.  Posting this is not me.  This is an "I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do but vent online to anyone in a cyber audience who cares to listen" kind of deal.

Just wondering if there is anyone else out there in the same or similar boat.  Not trying to have a pity party.  I'm simply looking for any support out there I can find.

by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KendallsMommee
by Chrissy on May. 21, 2013 at 11:43 PM
Some women just aren't "cut out " to be SAHM's. Just like I'm not "cut out " to be a working Mom. No shame in it.

I hope you find peace and wish you luck.
e-doolittle
by Kelly on May. 21, 2013 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs! You are not alone
friendlymom48
by on May. 21, 2013 at 11:56 PM
You're also in a unique situation being a pastor's wife. I am a PK, so I saw how lonely my mom was at times. Pray that the Lord would provide good Christian friends....oh and I can also relate, but I feel like I was born to be a SAHM, so even when the days are lonely I feel peaceful because I am where I should be. Pray for friends and also maybe consider talking to a therapist. That could really help.
MommyTritsch
by on May. 22, 2013 at 12:08 AM



Quoting friendlymom48:

You're also in a unique situation being a pastor's wife. I am a PK, so I saw how lonely my mom was at times. Pray that the Lord would provide good Christian friends....oh and I can also relate, but I feel like I was born to be a SAHM, so even when the days are lonely I feel peaceful because I am where I should be. Pray for friends and also maybe consider talking to a therapist. That could really help.

I have and will continue to pray.  :)  I probably shouldn't have even posted this in the first place, because I may come across as being unthankful or that I am not where I am supposed to be.  This is what is best for my family and I.  I do find peace in that knowledge.  I would like very much to speak to a therapist, and I have asked to do so on more than one occasion.  But in our present circumstance, my husband prefers that I don't.  Plus, I don't quite have the extra funds on hand anyway.  But thank you for your response.  I do feel a peace in knowing I am also where I am supposed to be.  I just need to learn how to adjust to having no one but my immediate family.  I'm sure it will come with time.  Didn't mean to vent quite so much.  :) 


WendyRhea
by on May. 22, 2013 at 12:28 AM

HI!  Sorry to hear about your feelings!  I live in a similar situation.

I moved to a small town 5 years ago and it was one of the hardest things I have ever been through.  My husband owns a consulting firm and was working with a company that offered him partnership within the company but inorder for him to accept this we would have to move, soooo we did.  It is a very small town and most of the people who live here have family here or family really close.  We are very few of the families that live here that have no other relatives within 100 miles.  So, the "friends" I have are really only people I see at events or say "HI" to when I see them.  I have friends here but not really a TRUE friend that I would share a lot with.  I have learaned a lot about myself in the last 5 years and how to deal with my life.  I do know the feeling of being lonely and do not like it at alllll.  One thing that has really helped is that I have a 5 year old and a 14mth old so they keep me very busy.  At times I wish I had some "me" times but at the sametime they keep me busy.

Feel free to send me notes anytime!  I hope your week goes well!

wickedstepjenn
by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:29 AM
4 moms liked this
Everyone needs friends. Its not selfish or being ungrateful. We are social beings. I was so sad and alone before I met my bff. I had/have online friends but nothing beats having someone to just sit and talk about nothing and everything.
Maybe try to set up a tea party or a book club something like that at church? You never know you might just click with someone. My friend and I are many years apart but you wouldn't know it.
I wish you luck in finding a great friend.
Jen4boys06
by on May. 22, 2013 at 8:02 AM
1 mom liked this

 Do you have a MOPS group near you?  Or look to see if their is.  I've been in my local MOPS group for 5 years and it has saved my life! I have meet other SAHM's, joined a Bible Study because of it.  Some of my closest friends I met through MOPS.  We all need friends and someone to talk to, go out to dinner with, have "girl talk".  I'm glad you shared how you are feeling.  Praying for you!

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on May. 22, 2013 at 9:57 AM

I'm surprised that you can't find some kind of church group to go to and meet people.  Or your husband being a pastor that you don't do events at the church.   The ladies here and very nice though, although it's not a face to face group, it's like you're amongst friends ... sometimes writting stuff down is an excellent therapy as well !!

I would LOVE to be at home with my husband 24/7 -I have friends but I don't get to see them.  We are all busy with our respective lives.  I spend all my time outside of work with my husband and daughter.  I guess one person's misery is another person's hapiness !

KylesMom409
by Linnette on May. 22, 2013 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Definitely. We're here for you.

Quoting e-doolittle:

Hugs! You are not alone
ruby_jewel_04
by Member on May. 22, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I really don't understand why your husband won't let you see a therapist. That seems counterproductive for your mental health. I'd be pissed if my husband said no when I needed it.
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