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Do you punish even if the action were for the right thing.

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:14 AM
  • 32 Replies

Good morning!

So with the rain yesterday I took my kids to the library to get some books and look for craft ideas for next week. Well I left the older kids in they section and took the two 2yrs old to the toddler room. We were playing with the puppets when my 9yr Joni cames running in and to tell me that my 12yr dd is hurt and my 10yr ds is fighting with other kids. 

I grab the girls and follow Joni to the room, lucky the librarian was in trying to break it up my son was hold his nose and Alexia was in the corner hold her wrist. The other kids were trying to make a run for it but the librarian and I got them to sit down. 

At first no one would talk then but the librarian said either I call your parents or the police?? Then my 9yr ds (Jarred) said that those boys were making funny of them about having no parents and calling them freaks and other bad things. Jarred said they were trying not to argue back about it, but then the boys started gang up on Alexia following her around and pinning her between them. She try to move away but couldn't some how she was push over a shelf of books, that's where my son Jon jump in and punches were throw and he got his bleeding nose and the other boy fat lip and the other one has a black eye. The other boys didn't say anything but what they parent numbers were. The librarian asked me what I want to do I said I wait for they parents. The parents came and try to make their kids apologize but they said nothing one mom(who I knew from PTO)  told me I could call the police, the librarian said that everyone was suspended from the there for 30 days and then after only allow in with a parent.

Got everyone in the Durango and head to our dr office, lucky the dr office wasn't busy and they took us right away. They did a X-ray of Alexia hand and it is just a sprain. Jon nose was done bleeding but was swelling.

Now we live in a small town and most people know that 4 of our kids are my hubby's cousin kids that she left with us over a yr and half ago. We have custody of them and for the most part the kids have call us by our first names but since we have two 2yrs old only week apart in age they more like twin (autumn is our daugther and Summer is our cousin) since they learn to speak one will say something and the other will replete it.

After last Xmas Summer started call us mommy and daddy at first we didn't know what to do, I asked the old kids therapist about it she said that it was normal, and we could let it go or teach her our names, but then the other 2yr old might call by our names too. So we had a family meeting with the kids and close family and friends. We asked the kids what they thought and they were happy with it. Family and friends understood and supported the idea. 

Sorry this so long but that's where the fight came from the other boys were saying they were unwanted and were nothing. I'm more upset with that then the fighting and I know fighting bad, but words cut deeper. So we still need to talk about everything today. Do I punish or let it slide??

again so so sorry this long post (more like a vent)


by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:14 AM
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by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:15 AM
1 mom liked this

need some details

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:33 AM

Yes. There are two parts to any form of epistemology: method and conclusion.You can be wrong even when you're right. Our goal as parents should be to instill proper methodology so the conclusions follow.

In a sense, then, it doesn't matter if your kid did the right thing. If he/she did it for the wrong reasons, that method has to be corrected. How you choose to do that is your parental prerogative.


by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:39 AM

Depends on the situation. 

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 7:51 AM
It depends on the situation.. In my house if its the right thing but done for the wrong reasons I correct that. Example I have taken something away for backtalking then my youngest will say im sorry mom. 2 seconds later shes asking can she have what I have taken because she said shes sorry. In my eyes she's only saying sorry cause she wants it back not becasue she's truly sorry for doing it.
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:20 AM

Sorry I still new to this hit the submit button  before I wrote the post, I edited now there the rest of the post!


by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:23 AM
Sounds like he was defending his sister and if he didn't throw the first punch I wouldn't punish him but I would have a talk about getting an adult before it gets that far again and I would press charges.
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by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:55 AM
4 moms liked this

 Based off what the children said (and since the other kids didn't dispute it), I would sit your kids down and expalin to them that while it is honorable to stand up for your siblings, sometimes there are other ways to handle it.  Fighting isn't always the answer.  In this case, I would not punish any of them. 

by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I would lecture but not punish

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:21 AM

I don't think punishment is necessary- they were simply standing up for themselves.

However, a discussion is in order about what happened.

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:48 AM
2 moms liked this

If the kids had only said things to them and they were fighting for just that reason, I could say punish them for it BUT, they were getting in her space to the point where she couldn't move to get away. That is not okay and I can see why her brother was defending her. 

I would sit down with them and explain if something like this happens again, to go get help first. If there isn't anyone around they should have the right to defend themselves. 

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