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HI - new to group and experiencing overwhelming problems....

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:47 PM
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Hi, My name is Jen and I am experiencing problems that are overwhelming me.

6 months ago I re-married a wonderful man.  He is different than any man I have dated before and far different than my first husband.

He is native american and was born/raised on his reservation - he is very much connected with the culture of his tribe.  I had been in an abusive relationship and this native man treats me very well.  After dating for 6 months we married on valentimes day.  We both teach in the public school system.

We have arrived at his reservation where we will be for a month with his family.  I like his family.  I have never been on an indian reservation before and honestly I have never been a minority before - which I certainly am with white skin and blond hair.  My husband very much looks indian.  He has 2 sons age 12 & 8, I have 3 sons age 11, 9, & 7.

There are pow-wows and "sweat-lodge" ceremonies going on along with "sundance" - that is all what my husband came for and is a years tradition.  His family has taken us into their family home - a HUGE 2 story 6 bedroom house with satellite TV and internet - far from the meager lifestyle I expected on a reservation.  They are including my sons in all their activities and his family is calling me "sister" along with giving my boys "indian" nicknames to call them by.

We have been here on the reservation now for 4 days. What has caught me so much off guard is the nudity.  His 2 boys were naked from the moment we arrived - along with their cousins.  Now my sons are starting to go "native" (naked) for some of the activities - 2 of my sons arrived home last night naked with a bunch of body paint and didn't see any reason to put on clothes.  Yes, his kids are naked but they are indians on their reservation - my kids are white with blond hair.

In talking with them about it today my boys saw no reason to put on clothes for the activity today - and of course his 2 kids were naked but again they are indians on their reservation.

I am almost thinking of leaving with my sons. I feel like I am losing control just because of the different culture here. Plus there is no respect for race or background for my sons.

honestly, I don't know what I should do but feel as a responsible parent I need to do something.


by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ChancesMommy07
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:53 PM

What tribe is he a part of that walks around naked all day and just gives people native nicknames? I'm married to a native man and a member of his tribe now and that sounds a little strange. 

alexsmomaubrys2
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:57 PM

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it. They are experiencing a new culture and it is good for them. It is helping them bond with their step dad and their step brothers.

Lighten up.

jen-meyers
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 5:24 PM
He is Sioux and we are on the Sioux reservation. While I think it is wrong, if he choses to allow his children to be naked on the reservation as a part of their culture that is his choice. But doing it within view of white people is rude. Getting my children involved in the nudity and body painting is out of line. Now I am having to address the matter and looking like the "bad guy". My children are christian - that should be respected.
ChancesMommy07
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this

Really? Wow, Did you not know that he was active in his culture when you married him or did you expect him to just not do it when you and the kids were around?  You are on a reservation (although we have some Sioux friends and have never known them to ever walk around naked) with the the man that YOU chose to marry and are being given an opportunity to participate in things that most non-tribal people never get to see. If this was going to be such an issue for you then why did you even marry him? I'm still shaking my head over the "doing it in front of white people" line. When I married my husband I knew exactly what being the wife to a tribal man meant and what it would mean for any children we have. I'm proud that my son is growing up knowing the culture and traditions of his father and his people and i'm proud that I'm a part of that life. I'm not sure what you expected from this marriage but I think you need to sit down and reevalute a few things. 

Quoting jen-meyers:

He is Sioux and we are on the Sioux reservation. While I think it is wrong, if he choses to allow his children to be naked on the reservation as a part of their culture that is his choice. But doing it within view of white people is rude. Getting my children involved in the nudity and body painting is out of line. Now I am having to address the matter and looking like the "bad guy". My children are christian - that should be respected.


breebree04
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I dont understand "the doing it in front of white people is rude" comment. IMO that comment is rude. You willing went to their reservation. Its not like they showed up to your house naked. Did you and your husband not talk ahead of time about what it would be like on the reservation? Your boys are old enough to understand and to listen so if you dont want them participating then tell them no and next time do not bring them but I wouldnt put down their traditions and ceremonies, this will only cause problems with you and your husband.

Debnew1000
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Honestly, you are on their land, absorbing their culture and customs. If that's what they do, then let your kids explore and make decisions for themselves. When you leave the reservation have a talk with your boys and explain to them that when you go back to "city life" they know what's expected. 

nurse1997
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Leave you dont belong there your only looking for problems and do not have a baby with him check out the laws regarding birth children if you are not of their race and they want the baby the tribe alone by its self can step in to take it do your research Dr.Phil had lawyers on talking about this a couple of weeks ago !!

Pnukey
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:51 AM
2 moms liked this

When in Rome . . . . 


Lighten up. It's their culture. You really should have considered all this before you got married. If it's bothering you THAT MUCH, then yes, you should leave before your boys get even more attached.

Firewoman33
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:14 PM

If you stay at a nudist colony you are expected to go nude.

To go to someone else's community and stay in their home and expect them to conform to your cultural mores is the height of rudeness.

Although, in fairness to you your new husband should have clued you in. Even if he was raised there he has to know that is not the norm elsewhere. I am also married to a Native American. He wasn't raised on the rez but we've been and there were no signs of public nudity. 

If I were you I would apologize to your new family and your sons, just say that you were shocked because this wasn't what you were expecting. In the future if you don't think you can hack it keep your visits to just a few hours or a day. 

I'm not sure what nudity and Christianity have to do with each other? Nothing I'm hearing breaks the 10 commandments. 

Luv.My.Kidz
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this

what were you expecting was going to happen when you married an Indian? That they were going to say "Ohhh she can't be involved because she's not Indian and her kids can't participate either?" 

They are accepting you as their family along with your kids. They are welcoming you and your boys and involving you in their traditions. Get used to it!

Quoting jen-meyers:

He is Sioux and we are on the Sioux reservation. While I think it is wrong, if he choses to allow his children to be naked on the reservation as a part of their culture that is his choice. But doing it within view of white people is rude. Getting my children involved in the nudity and body painting is out of line. Now I am having to address the matter and looking like the "bad guy". My children are christian - that should be respected.


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