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HELP PLEASE!!! MIL is

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:27 PM
  • 29 Replies

Okay! I really need advice. So much is going on right now and my MIL is the cause of it!

Recently I had posted that my MIL wanted to take 2 out of our 5 kids for a visit that changed to a sleepover that changed to a 2 night sleep over. While I was fine with the idea of a visit and even a one night sleep over for my older daughter i was uncomfortable with our younger daughter having a sleep over. With out re telling the entire post.... She backed out of taking them at all because she was upset with something we said.

Our children know who my MIL is and have seen her before and had visits in the past. (Over 8 months ago when my older daughter, she was six at the time, had a one night sleep over) since then the kids have only seen her one time for about a 20 minute visit when she came to our house approx 6 months ago.

MIL and I had a falling out and she took it out on the whole family and even refused to talk to my husband. since then my husband has only spoken to her less than a handful of times and we have not seen her at all. Like i said  she was supposed to take the two girls last weekend and backed out of it at the last second. (which we found out by a phone call from FIL!!)

So here is my new issue(s).....

Last night my husband got a call from MIL and she asked if she could take the two girls on the 4th of JULY for the 2 night sleep over. Before my husband could even answer she continued with... "YOU HAVE TO BRING THEM UP TO MY HOUSE AND DROP THEM OFF BECAUSE IM PISSED OFF AND WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK. AND DONT BRING YOUR WIFE."

My husband said fine and hung up. Then after some thinking and him relaying the onesided "demand" she made with me, he decided he would call back to ask what was going on because he didnt want to wait a week and wonder what he could have possibly done to "piss" her off.

He took the phone into the other room while the kids and I sat down for dinner.

About 20 minutes later he came back upstairs visibly upset and after we dismissed the kids from the table he relayed the conversation.

He told her he didnt want to bring the kids up and instantly get in an arguement with her and that he wanted to know what was going on right now.

She said she was "pissed" that our (my husband and I) relationship is all one sided and that i take advantage of him and that I am lazy and do nothing all day and I dont take care of our kids and that I make us live like pigs and make all the decisions in the family and he doesnt get a say and he needs to put his foot down. along with a thousand other complaints that she has towards me.

My husband kept telling her that it really is none of her business what happens in our house or family and she actually had no idea what happens in our family and that she wouldnt know because she has never asked or cared. He said everything she just said was ridiculous and a lie (which it is) and he doesnt want her to stick her nose in where it doesnt belong. (I am proud of him for doing this because he has never stood up to this woman)

she starts flipping out and saying that now she will never see our children again and that I will keep them away from her!

He says she is being ridiculous because neither of us would ever do that. and his exact words to her were "Mom even if I hated you for the rest of my life we still wouldnt keep the kids from you. Our relationship isnt going to effect you and the kids relationship unless you make it that way."

at this she goes back to saying that I am lazy and not good for him or our kids.

He had had enough and interrrupted her saying he would drop the girls off on the fourth, and hung up the phone.

We sat for a while discussing this and he is really upset. I told him she is just trying to cause problems between us (just like she always has) and that nothing she ever says is going to change our marriage.

Now I dont know what to do..... this womans lies are really hurtful to me and I tried not to complain to my husband to much about how they effected me because he is already feeling bad over it.

In all honesty i hate the idea of sending any of my children up to spend time with this rude and vicious woman. And i dont want to cause any more heartache for my husband.... but what do I do? As bad as I feel for him I am also worried about my children while up their and dont think that they will be treated right at her house because she is the type of woman to put her anger on other people and I dont want it directed at my sweet babies!!

And besides all this I already had my concerns with them going up there because it has been so long since they have even seen her and the younger of the two barely knows this woman!!!

UHG!! I just dont know what to do!! please any helpful advice would be great.

And to clarify I am a wonderful mom and love my husband and children more than anything! I have a part time job that I work my butt off at. My children are always taken care of, BY ME and no one else! I even take them to work with me. No sitter needed. I feed them and clothe them and bathe them and care for them!! My house is NOT the cleanest house ever. there is a LITTLE clutter and toys may be in the corners of every room but it is NOT FILTHY or DIRTY! And out of the two of us my husband is the big decision maker. And most everything we do is agreed between the both of us together.

by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:35 PM
8 moms liked this

Honestly, If that were MY MIL, she wouldn't be seeing my kids.  If I don't trust her, she gets nothing.  And in your MIL's case, I wouldn't trust her to not start in on your kids about how awful you apparently are.  She needs to grow up and learn her place. THEN maybe she can see your kids.

ETA:  My kids wouldn't be going over a holiday, period.  I don't care if it's "just" the 4th of July or it's it's Christmas. 

Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 6:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 

This. I wouldn't let her have my kids over without me there because I'd be afraid she would tell my kids how she feels about me. Until she can appologise to you I wouldn't let her see my kids.

Quoting jackiewal10:

Honestly, If that were MY MIL, she wouldn't be seeing my kids.  If I don't trust her, she gets nothing.  And in your MIL's case, I wouldn't trust her to not start in on your kids about how awful you apparently are.  She needs to grow up and learn her place. THEN maybe she can see your kids.

ETA:  My kids wouldn't be going over a holiday, period.  I don't care if it's "just" the 4th of July or it's it's Christmas. 


 

LilliesValley
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 6:45 PM
3 moms liked this

Sorry but I wouldn't send my kids over there alone. Definately not over night. Who knows what she could put in their heads? Nope, I wouldn't send them. Seems like your dh is taking a good hand in matters but I would say let him take them up there for the afternoon or something but not over night. Just seems like it could turn into a real mess. If she has anyone to blame it's herelf. Maybe dh should remind her of that. She wants to see her grandkids but not respect the woman that made them? Yeah, no.

lesh1013
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:17 PM
Oh my!!! This sounds just like me & my MIL!! I'm not even playing. DH has a son from a previous thing. We haven't seen him in 2 yrs (he's almost 7) she tried to create chaos in our relationship & DH had enough.
Anyways, MIL has seen ss off and on when BM would allow it. MIL has had issues assuming shes the "second gma" like she is with ss. she hears about how close my mom is with my sisters kids, they live next door to each other...I'm off the tit.
MIL watches our son every Tuesday, my mom sees him when she stops by after work Maybe once a week for 30 mis or so.
The latest was I had a dr appt Tuesday. I texted her (that's how she likes to talk)in the am to say I'd be a few late picking him up, she said ok. DH dropped him off. So at 415 I said I may be early, then at 435 I said never mind hurry up & wait, then at 450 I said be there in 10. No response at all. Pulled up 7ish mins later & DH was walkin out with our son. He misunderstood what I said about me textin his mom. But why didn't she text to say DH is here...?
And today she texts me about a consignment thing all casual like. I kept my answers to simple answers.
I feel ur pain. And no, forget lettin her see & spend alone time with ur kids on the 4th. Psssh! If u think she will take this out on ur kids in any way (I would think that too), that's not healthy for them to be around it. My MIL is negative nancy...it drives me nuts to let him go there on tuesdays, but ya know...i only go along with it hoping she'll get tired of it (bc of her work schedule Tuesday is like her Sunday).
asaffell
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, I wouldn't send my kids there. We are not on good terms with my MIL and there's no way she gets unsupervised time with my babies if she can't respect me or my marriage.

Tammywhynot
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:25 PM
No flipping way would I let her have the kids what if she took her feelings for u out on the girls, she sounds like she wold bitch about u to them. How old are the girls? if she truely wants to see them then she can come to u and keep her poisen comments to herself. What goes on in ur house is ur bysiness
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Tammywhynot
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:29 PM
Why does she only take 2 of ur kids
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Sweetmomoffive
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:32 PM

 My two older girls (the only ones she ever wants) are 7 and 5. and we also have a 3 year old daughter and our two older boys 13 and 10.


Quoting Tammywhynot:

No flipping way would I let her have the kids what if she took her feelings for u out on the girls, she sounds like she wold bitch about u to them. How old are the girls? if she truely wants to see them then she can come to u and keep her poisen comments to herself. What goes on in ur house is ur bysiness


 

Sweetmomoffive
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:38 PM

that is the million dollar question!

I have tried to ask her this before and she flipped out, hung up on me and didnt speak to any of us for over a month. When all I said, and very nicley, was. "i think it will upset the other kids if you only take our daughter, or maybe you can take the other two next weekend." (this was years ago before our youngest two were even born) That was all I got out before she started sreaming in the phone that  hated her and why was i acting like that and forget she even asked to take her "She would never ask again!"

Those truly were her exact words! I was so tunned then I wasnt sure what the heck had just happened!

Tammywhynot
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:38 PM
Oh no no no its all or nothing with me, thats like treating 2 kids and not the others. No that definatly would not happen. I wouldnt let them go hun, tell her the girls dont wanna come if u wanna quiet life, sounds like it wouldnt be a great loss to the girls anyway. Good for ur hubby standing up to his mum. Its hard for men to do that. Stand your ground..x


Quoting Sweetmomoffive:

 My two older girls (the only ones she ever wants) are 7 and 5. and we also have a 3 year old daughter and our two older boys 13 and 10.




Quoting Tammywhynot:

No flipping way would I let her have the kids what if she took her feelings for u out on the girls, she sounds like she wold bitch about u to them. How old are the girls? if she truely wants to see them then she can come to u and keep her poisen comments to herself. What goes on in ur house is ur bysiness



 


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