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Money Issues

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:58 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hello,

I'm writing to vent today.  My husband and I have been married 13 years and have 4 children.  He works 2nd shift and I have the kids most of the day.  I work part-time and am self-employed.  We recently opened a joint account because I wanted him to be able to see the expenses the children have outside of just the necessities, as well as the expenses that come up for the house.  He is the bread winner and when we had separate accounts, I was just SOL if I needed something.

Sooooo, we've had the joint account for about two months.  He's still looking at it as his and yours, rather than ours.  He's talking about since I work part-time and don't make much money, there is no "ours" because my check is ate up by the bills I pay (household bills).  So, for, example.  I got paid Fri and my check was gone Fri (which is why I've been searching for a job the last 3 months).  He also got paid last week and we had some extra money in the account.  We had no groceries, I went and bought groceries.  I had no gas to get to work, so I got some.  I was sick and had to get my prescription and well as girl stuff for my daughter.  He gets upset and says the joint acct isn't working.  Even if he spent all his check, the purchases were necessary, and could have come out of the extra money.

Every conversation we have is about money and the lack thereof.  He can buy stuff and I say nothing. I buy something and we have a problem.  The other part to this story is, he gets paid once a month, I get paid twice a month, and once a month from my self-employment.  I explained that I get paid from my self-employment soon and would be able to put some money back in the account,  but I kind of feel like I'm always having to put money back.

I'm really stressed out as it is because I don't even want to touch the account.  What am I supposed to do when we need something?  I've tried the ask him first, but he just complains and never really gives an answer, so I just do what I need to do.  Its different when you have to figure out what is for dinner when you have nothing to cook and no money to buy anything.  Its been times I've just got a payday loan rather than go through that.  For years, I've just figured it out.  Maybe that's the problem....even after I explain that I need stuff, now he really sees it and its affecting his check.  I should add that there are plenty of times that he's ran out of money and we've made it through the month on my part-time money. He also has credit cards if he runs out of money.  I don't.  Any suggesstions welcomed.

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 1:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:30 PM

That stinks.  I really wish I had some words of wisdom for you.  Even when I was married to my ex we both had our own accounts, no joint.  We had certain bills that each would pay and split some here and there.  I've always made more money then him so it was never a problem for me.  Even now living with my SO we both have separate accounts, and we each have our own bills we pay along with some shared bills.

** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

Supermomz123
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:44 PM

Thanks for replying.  That's the way its been in the past, but it seemed I was getting the end of the stick.  My check would be gone from paying my bills and I wouldn't have money for the kids.  That's why I suggested we join our accounts.  We each still have a separate account but until we can get enough money to disperse some into each one, we are not really using them.

Firewoman33
by Gold Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:47 PM

That's really hard to say.

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a hard conversation with him about money. Set a budget, one that is equitable.

It sounds like you are saying that you are responsible for all of the kids bills and groceries? So, his money is his money you money is for the family? 

What are his objections to running 1 household account that is truly shared?

countrymomma81
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:54 PM

My husband's cousin just got out of a relationship like that. She worked part time as a librarian and her BF worked a full time job and did stuff on the side for cash. He paid the rent and the cable bill and she was responsible for everything else. He wouldn't even want to give her money for groceries but he sure would hand her a list of what he wanted when she was going shopping. He'd ask her to go eat then make her pay for her own food. She stayed for a while then she finally realized how stupid it was. 

nodramamama311
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:56 PM
I'm sorry but I don't get having separate accounts when you're MARRIED! You're together, you had kids together, bought or rented a home together, why would you have separate accounts and WHY would someone who supposedly loves you want to make you feel like crap for buying food and necessities for HIS own children? Maybe I'm missing something since I'm not in your life and I really don't mean to sound bitchy or like I'm scolding you, I just don't understand. You work AND care for your children, what the hell does he want? Does he want to be single bachelor guy? It just seems like men who are like that are desperately clinging to that kind of thing because they feel they've lost their lives, their privacy or something when they got married. Well too damn bad, then don't be marries is what I say. Just my feelings on the whole thing. You shouldn't be made to feel like shit, that makes me angry for you.
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diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Bump
diaperstodating
by Queen25Princes on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:58 PM
~ Hugs ~
nurse1997
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I think this is stupid one acc for all bills one acc for savings so their are no problems arising like yours your one family share like one family ! 

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:47 PM
This

Quoting Firewoman33:

That's really hard to say.

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a hard conversation with him about money. Set a budget, one that is equitable.

It sounds like you are saying that you are responsible for all of the kids bills and groceries? So, his money is his money you money is for the family? 

What are his objections to running 1 household account that is truly shared?

Dabberdoo
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:52 PM

Wow.  I can't imagine "his" money and "my" money not being OUR money.  I'm super sorry I don't have any suggestions.  It sounds like he resents having to take care of his family.  I might be completely off but that is what it sounds like to me.  It sounds like you guys need to sit down and work out a budget together.

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