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Is it common for a woman in her 30's to not want intimacy?

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I don't want it.  I don't want anything to do with it.  Whether it be a kiss, a hug... or more.  I don't want it from my husband. I just want "space".  I don't want to be fussed with or over.  Just leave me be.  I don't know if it's something common that women my age go through or if it's saying something about my relationship.  Does this sound familiar to any of you? 

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:28 PM

Are you depressed? That can cause issues or on any type of medication

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:38 PM
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I think it is a lot more common than most of us would admit.

I'm going to be 32 in a month. I'm off birth control for the first time in my married life (if you don't count 3 pregnancies), and I'm telling you what, this is the most "normal" I've felt in a long time.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you are menopausal, but I for sure would suspect your hormones are the culprit. Are you on birth control? 

I have been tracking my cycle using the Creighton Model of NFP (though I'm sure several other methods are equally effective), and I'm telling you and every woman I know, this is the most in-tune I've been with my body EVER, as well as the healthiest I've ever felt.

When I was on BC, I never wanted intimacy. (Probably why it works, hah.)

Right now I have a 6yo, 4yo, and 7 month old (and I'm exclusively breastfeeding), but my period started a few months ago. I am very regular, FINALLY, and my libido is definitely coming back. I'm more aware of when and why I'm in the mood or not. I'm also now working with my doc on a PMS remedy that (so far) does not include anti-depressants.

I have become fully convinced that hormones and brain chemistry is the most under-studied areas of healthcare, and I'd even argue that the consequences of imbalance affect people more than anything else. Even if women are the primary victims, imagine how much of our mood is taken out on our families.

If you want my advice it is threefold.

  1. I encourage you to get off birth control as your first mode of treatment. 
  2. Start tracking your cycle and your moods, daily. 
  3. Find a doctor who is willing to listen and work with you on hormone balance before slapping your symptoms with anti-depressants (which also kill libido).

Two good books (you could easily get both at the library at this point):

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wershler
The Triple Whammy Cure (can't think of the authors but it is a bright pink book)

Let me reiterate. I think this issue is COMMON, but I do not think it is normal, nor am I personally willing to keep putting up with it. And as I move toward a new and healthy sexuality (physically, mentally, emotionally), I can't help but wish the same for every woman who feels the way I have felt for so long.

Seriously hoping you can combat this. 

Claire Wait

My blog:

by Platinum Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:53 PM

Oh not for me ... I love intimacy I'm very much a touchy feely person.  I love to fall asleep and/or wake up in my husband's arms.  Even though he won't admit it, he's very much the same.  The other night I was irritated and just went to sleep without saying or kissing him goodnight and the next day he mentonned it.

by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Hormone levels need checked.
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by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM

Menopause maybe? I know it seems early but you might want to talk to your Dr about it now. My mom went through it in her early 40's so that might be it.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:58 PM

Common, maybe, but not necessarily healthy.  Hormones, depression, anxiety, all those things can play a part in the "don't touch me" issue.  I would try to look for the cause, not just at the symptom, talk to your Dr.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:19 PM

No, I'm not on birth control.  I haven't been since before we conceived our son 6 years ago.  My husband had a vasectomy done (fixed) so there was no need for me to go back on the pill.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:21 PM

I don't think it's depression, either.  I'm fine at work... and with the kids (other than getting a little stressed here and there).  It's mainly with him.  I feel fine when he's not around. :(

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:24 PM
I went through that for a couple years, but then I had a turning point.... DH booked a mini vaca for just the 2 of us for a weekend and that made a huge difference. That was 4 years ago, and we still can't keep or hands off each other. :) Make sure you are having regular date nights, and kid free nights of possible. Even of it is just once a month.
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:24 PM
I'm the same way. I'm 32 and just don't want anything to do with my husband. Poor guy. But I'm not premenopausal. I had that checked and my ob said I was fine. Maybe it's cause I'm home all day and have three screaming memies tugging and pulling at me. By the time he gets home I want out!
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