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30 Something Moms 30 Something Moms

Is it common for a woman in her 30's to not want intimacy?

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I don't want it.  I don't want anything to do with it.  Whether it be a kiss, a hug... or more.  I don't want it from my husband. I just want "space".  I don't want to be fussed with or over.  Just leave me be.  I don't know if it's something common that women my age go through or if it's saying something about my relationship.  Does this sound familiar to any of you? 

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Replies (21-30):
dommad2
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:26 PM

There are tests, the test your hormone levels. Sadly though if you are only Perimenopausal the tests wont necessarily show it. My mom started perimenopause at 32 and it didnt show up on her testing until 38.

Quoting Coach777:

Someone else had mentioned the early Menopause thing.  I don't know if that is the cause of it or not.  Hmm.  Are there tests for that?  How can the doctors tell?


dommad2
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:28 PM

What types of things do you and DH do together? Just the two of you.

Quoting Coach777:

I don't think it's depression, either.  I'm fine at work... and with the kids (other than getting a little stressed here and there).  It's mainly with him.  I feel fine when he's not around. :(


Sj218
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:29 PM
I think you just identified the problem. Sounds like a relationship problem more than a hormone problem. Either problem is worth fixing though, so do what needs to be done.


Quoting Coach777:

I don't think it's depression, either.  I'm fine at work... and with the kids (other than getting a little stressed here and there).  It's mainly with him.  I feel fine when he's not around. :(


Coach777
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:30 PM

I do agree that we need more time together.  We very rarely get "mama & daddy" time.  When we actually do get down time, we're so worn out.  I'm actually not looking forward to our next "time" together because I know we have to talk.  It's getting out of hand and we have to do something either way.  We argue and it seems we just butt heads and nothing gets accomplished.  He hung up on me today while we were talking on the phone. Then the other night I went to bring something to the shed and I was annoyed with what he was saying (he was being analytical about something... I can't even remember) and I said "whatever"... then he locked me out of the house.  Right in front of the kids.  I'm so tired of it being this way. Ugh!

Coach777
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:32 PM

We don't do anything together, really, "dommad".  We spend our evenings (after the kids go to bed) doing separate things.  It seems lately when we try to do something together we just end up argueing.  Either way, Sj218 is right... we need to fix it, whatever it is.  It's not going to get better by just sitting on it.

dommad2
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:42 PM

Yeah it sounds a lot more like you need to rekindle your romance than anything being medically wrong. Do you guys have anyone around you who could take the kids for the weekend?


DH and I found ourselves heading down the love but not in love path and asked ourselves what had changed. The answer was our schedule. Between work, home, school, activities, and church we had lost not just our romance but ourselves. We implemented new rules in our lives. There has to be one day per week that we have nothing on the schedule. We split the weekends up as well. On weekend we each get an evening to spend with our BFF's. Another is our family weekend. No matter what it's only the four of us all weekend long. We also do a girl's/guy's weekend. Our group of friends splits between girl's and kids at my place to hang and then have wine and movies after the kids go to bed and all of the guys go to our friends house for beer and poker. We then all just crash at that house for the night so no one drives home. The final weekend my inlaws take the kids for the whole weekend so hubby and I can focus on each other.

IMO these rules have totally changed our relationship!

Sorry for the book..

Quoting Coach777:

We don't do anything together, really, "dommad".  We spend our evenings (after the kids go to bed) doing separate things.  It seems lately when we try to do something together we just end up argueing.  Either way, Sj218 is right... we need to fix it, whatever it is.  It's not going to get better by just sitting on it.


Coach777
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:21 PM

That's a really great idea.  It must be hard to stick to sometimes, but worth a try.  My hubby is the type that likes and needs time to himself.  He needs more downtime than the regular person and is not often up for social events.  My best friend... well, I'd like more time with her but since she's been with her new hubby she doesn't have much time for anyone else.  Miss her.  :(  So... I need to find a new friend close by.  Not give up on her but find someone else to hang with, I guess.

I can focus on many things and plan all this stuff, but he gets too stressed if there's too much on the go.  He just likes to lay low and watch his movies or play his games.  If there's too much planning or things he has to think about he gets too uptight.

e-doolittle
by Kelly on Jul. 11, 2013 at 5:32 PM

 for me it's just "or more" that I don't want.  I think mine is mostly from exhaustion.

nurse1997
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:27 PM

There sounds like a deeper issue doll go get a check up ;]

JadeTigr7
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:39 PM
That wouldn't be normal for me. I have a very high sex drive and enjoy even small touches.
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