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Am I rude, or are they rude?

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My husband and I have just had a baby three months ago and also have 3 more children from different marriages. I work and go to school, so when we have company, I like to have an idea of when we will be graced with visitors. I also like to know what to expect in order to prepare to work around baby's schedule too. Today, we were expecting my in laws in the morning. We waited and waited for them, but they never showed up and that's fine. They sometimes do this thing where they don't show up because there are so many places they like to visit when in town. I decided that I would take a nap with the baby then get up and resume cleaning the house since we wouldn't have company anyways. My husband decided to take the three older kids with him to go ahead and visit his brother. The baby had already woken up, ate, played a little, then she got grumpy and took another nap. I took this opportunity to finish the floors. While I was on the patio enjoying the peace and quiet while the floors dried, I heard thunder coming from in my house. I went inside to see my floors muddied up by the feet of 7 children (mine included). The baby decided that she didn't like the chaos and woke up screaming. My kids know that they are to be quiet and always enter the house as if there is a baby taking a nap. The in law's 3 kids were very loud and would not calm down when I asked them to. The parents do nothing to calm their kids. I calmed the baby back down after I told the kids to go be loud outside, and cleaned up the floors again so that I could sit and chat with SIL. I sat down with her and started chatting then all of a sudden they had to go. They were accompanied by two other brother in law's, and one of them is a bit of a drunk who happened to come over to kiss the baby and smelled of liquor so of course he got "the look" from me. Now I see all night the drunken BIL keeps posting Facebook statuses that say " I would never make my family feel unappreciated, I love them all. They are always welcome in my house , mess or not!"

The way I see it is that I am behind exhausted and live to have family over, but the family also needs to respect my house. I am burned out, in the middle if a much needed cleaning and everyone just let's their kids run wild, while screaming and hollering in someone else's home. Maybe its just the difference that everyone is raised. I know that I was always expected to respect other peoples homes and it wasn't against the rules to rough house or be loud. The proper place for that was outside, especially when its more than just a couple of kids.
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 2:32 AM
Replies (21-26):
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 11:47 PM
I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. My suggestion of showing up at their house might've been overkill if this is the first time something like this has happened for you. I just meant to say give them a taste of their own medicine.

Maybe your hubby should talk to his family and lay down some ground rules. Either the same as you have in your home like always enter as is a baby is sleeping or give at least 30 min notice so you can be ready for their arrival.

No matter what, they need to obey the rules of your house just as they would expect you to do in their home.

Quoting busymommy2013:

Lol! I really don't mind company. Its just when I get caught off guard with bad timing. I was still trying to be a polite hostess, but I was also trying to get to that "Ahh" moment of the house being clean and I was so close! Had it been a half an hour later, I would have been done, had everything back where it should be, baby probably would have woken up on her own and we both would have been ready for screaming kids and two loud brother in laws. My SIL is very pregnant and could totally see what I was going through ... the 2 youngest BILs are more of the "let kids do whatever they want type". One doesn't even have kids yet, and the other doesn't have his kids but every other weekend. They always say "they're just kids" whenever the kids get out of line and I try to shoo them outside where they can be as crazy as they want...

Quoting MABmommy:

They were rude. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like your behavior in your own home is wrong. It's your family, your baby, YOUR home. It sounds like your DH supports you in this situation an his opinion is the only one that should matter.

I have to deal with this constantly. I has an in law that lets her 3 year old run crazy even if she knows there is a baby sleeping. Then she gives me dirty looks if I say anything to him in a firm voice. Eventually, she finds an excuse to leave and is over it the next time I see her.

I don't apologize because I feel like my house and family deserve more respect. I have never gone to her house and started yelling when her DS is sleeping.

But, now you know that they will be Ok with the noise and mess next time you go to their house. Maybe give your kids a large chocolate milkshake or double shot of espresso (totally joking on that one) before you go visit them next time.

Good Luck! ;-)

(Sorry for the long response. This is a sensitive subject in my home so I can relate)

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:19 AM
I'm 100% with you. I have a no shoes policy in my home, and my husband (now my ex-husband) would let his family walk all over our home with their shoes on. Pissed me the hell off. At least your husband is on the same page as you. You were not wrong.
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 6:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I would be mad too!!!  It's common curtesy to at least offer to take your shoes off!  I would not want a drunk person kissing my baby---gross!

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:02 AM
They are the ones who were rude it is your house and they need to respect your rules. Sorry you had to go though that
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:02 AM
They are the ones who were rude it is your house and they need to respect your rules. Sorry you had to go though that
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:31 PM

No, that was very rude.  And of course family is always welcome, but they are never welcome to treat you with disrespect.  That's above and beyond simply making a mess, it's a blatantly selfish lack of consideration.

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