I'm just so very sad? I lost my father 2 months ago?
The 27th will be the 2-month mark. He wa sonly 61. I turn 30 on the end of this month and he won't be here. He passed away after bypass that was supposed to EXTEND and IMPROVE his life, not make him sicker and then dead. He acquired serious infections while there including pneumonia, acute respiratory distress syndrome, and then a serious heart infection. He was on life support and I had to sign off on disconnecting per dr's advice after 5 weeks of getting sicker and weaker each day. What bugs me so much is he suffered so much before all this with peripheral artery disease that caused wounds on his legs, and then in the hospital too.
I took my little girl (dd is 5) to the zoo today and everywhere I go, I see and notice men his age or older who are living, breathing and HEALTHY and I think 'why them? and why my dad? " I get so sad and jealous when I see women my age with BOTH their parents together, (mine divorced in 2010) who have their daddies alive and enjoying their grandkids, when that should be my dd and my dad. (And they were close, dd is 5 and will remember him as we spent a lot of time with him, including doing fun stuff when he was still healthy enough), I just wish I could have my dad to go places with us too. My heart hurts when I see this and I feel like what did I do to deserve this pain? Of being almost 30 and not having my dad anymore? What did my dad do to deserve to suffer so much and die so young? He was only 61! And he was such a nice man and a good father and a good grandpa to my dd, so loving and kind, and god I miss him.
any other moms who've been there? Any words of wisdom? How do you deal with the sadness and jealousy of seeing women with their chidlren and their dads playing with the rgandkids and helping them? I am seeing a therapist 2x a month but I really feel it isn't enough for me. I hate feeling this way! I hate grief! I know it's early still but wish I had a time machine!