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I'm just so very sad? I lost my father 2 months ago?

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:13 PM
  • 28 Replies

The 27th will be the 2-month mark. He wa sonly 61. I turn 30 on the end of this month and he won't be here. He passed away after bypass that was supposed to EXTEND and IMPROVE his life, not make him sicker and then dead. He acquired serious infections while there including pneumonia, acute respiratory distress syndrome, and then a serious heart infection. He was on life support and I had to sign off on disconnecting per dr's advice after 5 weeks of getting sicker and weaker each day. What bugs me so much is he suffered so much before all this with peripheral artery disease that caused wounds on his legs, and then in the hospital too.

I took my little girl (dd is 5) to the zoo today and everywhere I go, I see and notice men his age or older who are living, breathing and HEALTHY and I think 'why them? and why my dad? " I get so sad and jealous when I see women my age with BOTH their parents together, (mine divorced in 2010) who have their daddies alive and enjoying their grandkids, when that should be my dd and my dad. (And they were close, dd is 5 and will remember him as we spent a lot of time with him, including doing fun stuff when he was still healthy enough), I just wish I could have my dad to go places with us too. My heart hurts when I see this and I feel like what did I do to deserve this pain? Of being almost 30 and not having my dad anymore? What did my dad do to deserve to suffer so much and die so young? He was only 61! And he was such a nice man and a good father and a good grandpa to my dd, so loving and kind, and god I miss him.

any other moms who've been there? Any words of wisdom? How do you deal with the sadness and jealousy of seeing women with their chidlren and their dads playing with the rgandkids and helping them?  I am seeing a therapist 2x a month but I really feel it isn't enough for me. I hate feeling this way! I hate grief! I know it's early still but wish I had a time machine!

by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lalasmama2007
by Ticia on Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:16 PM

I'm sorry for your loss.

hugs

WendyRhea
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 11:26 PM
I completely agree! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers


Quoting lalasmama2007:

I'm sorry for your loss.

hugs


mamaslilpunkin
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 7:19 AM

 I'm so sorry you're going through this.I lost my dad in Sept 2010 at 64 years old,2 days before he turned 65 and 3 days before he retired.It was sudden.I,like you,had an awesome dad too.He was so funny,had a heart of gold and was a loving family man.I remember feeling jealous of others who still had their dad.The feeling did pass after awhile.I just feel blessed that I had a wonderful dad for 38 years of my life.Some people have a dad for alot longer and they weren't great dads so I think of it as quality of time with him rather than quantity.I just hold onto my memories.I often catch myself saying/doing things that he used to do.I know I have a piece of him with me.I honestly think his spirit is still around.Odd things have happened to me since he's passed and I always think its him! :) Hang in there.It doesn't really get 'easy' and you truly never 'get over it' but life propels us foward and we have to go with it.Life is for the living.I have put the loss in a place in my mind where I can deal with it.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:13 AM

I'm sorry for your loss.

Bribriesmom
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 2:20 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. There are 6 stages of the grief process and it's still so new to you. Counseling will help, just don't allow anyone tell you how to feel, not to grieve or your feelings aren't valid. You can not put a time frame on it. The only thing is to always celebrate his life, remember the good times & cry when you need to.
Roxygurl
by Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 2:23 PM
As I said in your other post I'm sorry for your loss and to an extent I know how you feel. My mom was abusive so I've totally cut her off and while I have a great relationship with my father he's not the kind to take the kids to the zoo or anything like that. I understand the loss of that, wishing you had the 'right' family. All I can say is focus on the good and eventually it gets easier....easier about your dad and easier about mourning the loss of the all American lifw
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exhaustedmother
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 6:22 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is hard when you lose a love one and it will take time to heal. Hang in there. Hugs.

allmy3girls
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 8:54 PM
Sorry for your loss, It takes time to realize and adjust...just remember him and all the happy times..., he is still with you but you dont see him, he lives on in your heart...let him rest in peace...good luck
AmesCSki
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry for your loss and know exactly how you feel. My father was also 61 when he passed away and it was very sudden and unexpected. It's been about 2 1/2 years and I can tell you it does get slightly better with time but it is really hard. It is tough seeing older healthy men playing with their grandchildren and the fact that my daughter never met my dad will always be really difficult for me to deal with. You're not alone...try to remember the good times and know that how you're feeling is totally normal.
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SlightlyPerfect
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm losing my 59-year-old mother. I totally feel you.

My best advice is to remember you had a good dad, and you had him for about 30 years. While you feel that real sense of cosmic injustice, remember that it's all in your head. You're fortunate to have had a good dad. Many people don't. I know that's not much consolation, but it is reality.

My friend is a psychologist, and she gave me some really good advice after I found out my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Her father died when she was just 21, and she told me we can't grieve what has already happened. We can only grieve what could have potentially happened but was prevented by what has actually happened. Once we get passed the potentials our brains have produced, we can begin to move forward and live again, live that new normal.


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