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To be a SAHM or not to be a SAHM?

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:13 PM
  • 24 Replies

 DH and I have been discussing me possibly leaving my job to be a SAHM.  It would be at least a year away, because we would need to pay some stuff off, build up our savings more, etc. but the idea is being tossed around.  However, I'm scared.  I have been working full-time since I was 17 years old.  Right now, I make $60K a year.  DH makes a little more than that right now, and will only go up from there.  We only have my son right now, who is going into the 4th grade, but we are working with a fertility specialist to see if we can get my husband back to a fertile state so we can TTC.  My extra income is great, but it's also a major stress factor on me and we question if it's really worth it.  I handle the stress well for the most part, but it is starting to take more of a toll on me more often than not.

So - my question here, is have any of you went from making really good money, to letting somebody else support your family financially 100% on their own and you be a SAHM?  How did you handle the transition?

  I know it would be easier for me to accept it if we have another baby, especially since I didn't get to stay ho me with my son.  But with him being in school, and almost to that age where he probably won't really want me involved much with the school activities anyways, I'm not 100% sure if it's the best idea. 

by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
isaacsmommy68
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Can you work part time? That is what I did and it worked out well.

HappyGirl77
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:21 PM

I have been a working mom and SAHM and then a working mom again.  Now, I am staying home once more.  I would LOVE to work!  My dh's job moved so we had to move and I quit my job.  From a financial standpoint, it is definitely a wake-up call when you cut an income.  I was making about $55k/year.  It is great to be home with my kids; but I miss the adult interaction and feeling like I had a purpose in life (outside of my children and husband)...it actually makes me a bit resentful from time to time.  I know I am doing what is best for my kids, but then again, I wonder...am i???  I am not showing them a strong mom/woman that can do as she pleases and have it all.  I don't know.  Just make sure you weigh all your pro's and con's and but 100% sure that cutting your salary will not make a HUGE difference!  I must say, I do miss our vacations and the abundance of extra cash we had to spend.

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:57 PM
2 moms liked this

I was a full time teacher up until my 2nd daughter was 10 months.

At that time, we moved cities, bought a new house, put our condo on the market, and my husband left his job at the Court of Appeals to open his own law firm.

We didn't sell our condo for 7 months. My husband's new business paid its own bills but did not pay us a check for the first 6 months.

It was definitely a struggle. And I had a major identity crisis going from "professional" to "stay at home mom." (And I hated that title.)

But I will say this. I've never once regretted it. We're now three years into this, I have another child (who is now 8mo old). One child is in 1st and one in pre-K... My kids are much better for me staying home, and despite how much I loved working, and loved having an identity outside of "mom" - it has been fully worth the sacrifice.

I wish our society was one that really revered stay at home moms, because I think it is one of the best things we can do for our families. Our financial situation changed a lot. Our budged changed a lot. But we've more than survived.

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

nurse1997
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:33 PM

 HEY I THINK YOU STOLE MY STORY LOL !!!


Quoting HappyGirl77:

I have been a working mom and SAHM and then a working mom again.  Now, I am staying home once more.  I would LOVE to work!  My dh's job moved so we had to move and I quit my job.  From a financial standpoint, it is definitely a wake-up call when you cut an income.  I was making about $55k/year.  It is great to be home with my kids; but I miss the adult interaction and feeling like I had a purpose in life (outside of my children and husband)...it actually makes me a bit resentful from time to time.  I know I am doing what is best for my kids, but then again, I wonder...am i???  I am not showing them a strong mom/woman that can do as she pleases and have it all.  I don't know.  Just make sure you weigh all your pro's and con's and but 100% sure that cutting your salary will not make a HUGE difference!  I must say, I do miss our vacations and the abundance of extra cash we had to spend.


 

Jaxsonsmama2009
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:37 PM
I can't relate financially but I will tell you my experience anyway. I wanted desperately to be a sahm. If I could go back in time I would work part time. I had a super easy, fun job. I am pretty sure they would have let me. After being home for almost 4 years I think working part time would be ideal. I would still be mostly home, could keep up with my housework, and still get adult interaction. Plus my kids would get a break from me, that's something I never expected, that we would all get tired of each other. Is going part time an option for you?
countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:38 PM

I've never made good money. And DH and I got together when we were young. I've had jobs off and on through the years but the last 3 years I haven't had a job outside of the house at all. 

I don't feel satisfied though, and I am very much ready to find a career that I can grow with. Staying home is doing nothing for me anymore. Yeah, it's nice to have the freedom to do what I want but regardless how much money my husband makes, money of my own is always going to be nice. 

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:41 PM

Could have almost written this myself. I've worked on and off and while with the kids and their busy schedules working is a bit harder, I definitely miss working and being someone besides "mom" and "Bay".

Everything in red is what I'm dealing with. 

Quoting nurse1997:

 HEY I THINK YOU STOLE MY STORY LOL !!!


Quoting HappyGirl77:

I have been a working mom and SAHM and then a working mom again.  Now, I am staying home once more.  I would LOVE to work!  My dh's job moved so we had to move and I quit my job.  From a financial standpoint, it is definitely a wake-up call when you cut an income.  I was making about $55k/year.  It is great to be home with my kids; but I miss the adult interaction and feeling like I had a purpose in life (outside of my children and husband)...it actually makes me a bit resentful from time to time.  I know I am doing what is best for my kids, but then again, I wonder...am i???  I am not showing them a strong mom/woman that can do as she pleases and have it all.  I don't know.  Just make sure you weigh all your pro's and con's and but 100% sure that cutting your salary will not make a HUGE difference!  I must say, I do miss our vacations and the abundance of extra cash we had to spend.




nurse1997
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 9:15 PM

 I'm right there with u doll who knows what's the right thing to do is your damed if you do and damed if you dont   ;)


Quoting countrymomma81:

Could have almost written this myself. I've worked on and off and while with the kids and their busy schedules working is a bit harder, I definitely miss working and being someone besides "mom" and "Bay".

Everything in red is what I'm dealing with. 

Quoting nurse1997:

 HEY I THINK YOU STOLE MY STORY LOL !!!

 

Quoting HappyGirl77:

I have been a working mom and SAHM and then a working mom again.  Now, I am staying home once more.  I would LOVE to work!  My dh's job moved so we had to move and I quit my job.  From a financial standpoint, it is definitely a wake-up call when you cut an income.  I was making about $55k/year.  It is great to be home with my kids; but I miss the adult interaction and feeling like I had a purpose in life (outside of my children and husband)...it actually makes me a bit resentful from time to time.  I know I am doing what is best for my kids, but then again, I wonder...am i???  I am not showing them a strong mom/woman that can do as she pleases and have it all.  I don't know.  Just make sure you weigh all your pro's and con's and but 100% sure that cutting your salary will not make a HUGE difference!  I must say, I do miss our vacations and the abundance of extra cash we had to spend.

 

 



 

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by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:16 PM

I made more than you, and I left it when DD was 2, and I became a SAHM. I can tell you it's kind of financially tough, but it's well worth it. As long as DH has a stable and progressive career trajectory, and you have savings (and by that I mean investments you can leave there and not work with too much--other assets are always a plus!), I don't think you can regret the decision. I've found it's a whole new way to live--having worked since I was 14--but there is nothing else like it. (And we only have one kid, too.)

I do wonder what it will be like when I return to the workforce part-time next year. But I know I am smart, and I'll be just fine. 


3MusketeerMama
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 1:06 AM

I worked with my first two and since I was in my late 20's/early 30's and still a little selfish, I actually looked forward to going back to work to get out of the house a little bit. I now am a SAHM and am 36, and I LOVE being at home. I am EBF my 6 month old, so that makes it easier to not work, but we decided when my husband finished his residency (he's a veterinary surgeon) and started to make a little more money that we could afford it. We live in an area where my income would basically just cover childcare with only a little left over so it wouldn't make sense for us if I went back to work. It took me a little bit of adjustment-we moved to a new area at the same time I stopped working while pregnant, plus I had been working since I was 15, so it took me about two or three difficult months to get completely adjusted to staying home with the kids. But now that I am, I wouldn't want it any other way. It has made breastfeeding so much easier since I only pump to have backup supply rather than to have enough milk to feed the baby on a daily basis (I also lost my milk at 5 months last baby due to going back to work for ten hour days). I know I won't miss out on any "firsts" with this baby (always a fearful possibility when working!), we don't have to worry about finding a sitter we trust, there's no childcare costs, and i get to bond so much more with my kids. That's not to say there aren't drawbacks. The kids fight with each other and i spend a lot of time being referee, I don't get to have as much conversation with peers or even other adults, I miss what I did as my job (I was a vet tech almost my whole career) and the appreciation that comes with it (um, my DH never tells me I did a really good load of laundry or that the vacuuming job is excellent) and I don't get to drive my car by myself with my stereo turned up loud any more, lol. But the negatives are far outweighed by the positives (a close nursing relationship with my littlest one, hugs and kisses and cuddles all day long, the occasional kid comments that I made a "really, really good lunch", REALLY getting to know my kids, and getting to do fun new things with the kids). I wouldn't trade any of that just to go back to work. And it's still tough financially (my DH has a HUGE, and I mean, ASTRONOMICAL amount of debt from vet school and we haven't been able to even buy a house yet because of it) but we would rather cut corners on stuff that we want rather than sacrifice the kids getting to be home with a parent. Good luck with your decision!!  :)

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