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Is it just b/c her kids are older?

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:22 AM
  • 18 Replies

I will say in advance, I may sound judgemental but I am trying not to be that way. I just don't understand how this all works.....

My sister in law is 46, married to my brother for 16 yrs. has two kids 9 & 13. I don't know if its b/c her kids are older (mine are 6 & 9) but the other day she told me that she was bored and called a friend of hers, picked her up, drove downtown and walked around the city, got some drinks and came home. No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. I just can't imagine sitting here on a Friday night and being like, "Ok, I'm bored, I'll be back later. See ya"

She is not shy about her time she spends away from her family. She has been going to Kentucky for the past 10 years about 8 hrs. away to visit her friend once or twice a year.

They are building an addition onto their home specifically for her. She says it's "my room where I can shut the door, be left alone and noone is allowed to go in there.."  She is on the selfish side at times.

Yes, I know.. It doesn't concern me, why do I care?? If my brother doesn't care, the kids are taken care of what's the harm?? No I am not jealous of any of this. Blah blah blah..

She is just the other end of the specturm than I am. As much as my kids drive me up a wall daily.. I enjoy our family time together, doing fun things with them (that's not to say she doesn't do that either. Shes a good mom). I rarely go out and she is constantly telling me that I wasting my days away but not experiencing life.. going to concerts, going here or there.."your allowed to be your own person instead of mom and wife all the time" she always says .....??????  I feel like I did all that stuff before/during our marriage. i wanted to get that all in before kids so I can enjoy the chapter of being a mom. (does that make sense) Yeah dh and I go out here and there but most of the time I just enjoy being at home. I;m secure as a wife, mom, woman.. I'm good!

So is there something to be said about how your life changes as a mom once your kids are older or what??

I am ready to be bashed :)



by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:22 AM
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by Platinum Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:51 AM

Some moms are like that ... this week I was watching Celebrity Wife swap ... the episode when Flavor Flave and Dee Snider switched wives and Daaaaamn !  Flavor's wife is a SAHM and she sends her son out 5 mornings a week with her mother so she can have some Me time ... holy hell !!!!!  

I also spend a lot of time with my daughter, in my case, I"m divorced, so she goes to her dad's one weekend every 2 weeks.  So I get my break then and to be honest I fully enjoy it.  Anything more than that it feels weird and I don't like it. This summer her father has barely taken her ... 2 weekends since May and well it's not like I pawn her off to a sitter or my mom.    Some moms are more detached than others I guess.

by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:06 AM

Im divorced so I get to do whatever I want every other weekend.  I also take time after they go to bed to do what I want and not worry about chores or whatever.  I work out, watch a movie, take a bath.  Mine are 2 year old twins.  They wear me out.  I totally understand wanting to get away and have quite time.  I think i would lose my mind if I was a SAHM.  

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I know people like that and I think they are nuts! You only have your kids for 18yrs and then after that they will spend the rest of their lives out in the world! So I make the most of my kids being home, the nay time DH & I go out is when they are spending the night at their Grandparents, we have hopefully years & years after they move out to do our own thing!

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:34 AM

I think there are alot of women that are too lax with raising their children. But if your brother is okay with her doing that kind of stuff, that's their business. You do what you do with a clear conscience.

Happy wife to David,mommy to 3 teenage boys, 3 toddler girls,expecting twin boys in Nov. 2013!!!


by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I am a SAHM,my Daughter is 7 and my Son will be 9 this month,I lost all my "friends"when I got pregnant with my son 9 years ago,I have one local "friend"and we have not gotten together in years,I used to go out to Movies,to downtown,to the mall to get lunch,take myself on metro bus rides,go down to the waterfront and I don't do that anymore,no point in going when I don't have anyone to go with.I spend 24/7 with my Children expect when they are at Summer Camp & School of course,my "me"time is when I get to go to the Grocery Store on the weekend's,but usually I will have 1 child with me even then,so I guess my "me"time is during the week when they are gone..I think most Moms go through that stage where they need a break and I don't judge people,I have been at that stage before...I only have two Kids and I am all about spending as much time with them as I possibly can but there are days where I just would like to run away and hide,but before You know it Your kids will be grown and gone and then you would maybe regret not spending enough time with them IMO,I mean I can't fathom that in two years my first born will be in MIDDLE SCHOOL,He will be a 4TH grader this year and a 5TH grader the year after that,and my second born will be in 2NCD grade,I want them to remember me for spending as much time with them as possible,I am a single parent as well and I live with my Mom...I guess a reason why I don't go out and try to make friends is because people see me as maybe being well odd,I am not like any 31 year olds I am sure,I have tried making friends with the parents of other Kids in the kids classes and it never works out.

I don't bash anyone it's not my place to judge IMO.

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I havent had any 'friends' in years. So while I can't justify going out and doing things on my own. I wish I could sometimes but I am ok with not getting to do that because honestly? I do a better job at taking care of my kids needs than my hubby does (you know hes the cool one who lets them stay up and eat candy).

However because I work so hard at home my hubby also gave me my own section of the house (we have a huge house) that is all my own. Its my craft room he calls it. I keep all my yarn and craft supplies and it also doubles as my soap making room. Hubby has invested alot of money into my hobby(habit as he calls it) and hes ok with that because he knows I need SOMETHING to my self. He has friends and a harley he rides by himself and because  I dont get the same alone time he does thats his way of giving me a little break.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:44 PM

I get plenty of me time. My kids are 6 and 10. I'm free with letting them go places and do things. Being a mom doesn't define me and I still have a life. I do tons of things with my kids as well as DH and I do things without them. 

I will travel without them, however I make it a point to never be more than 3-4 hours away from them. I know a couple who go on a cruise every year without their kids. That's not for me but I don't judge them for doing it. 

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:27 PM

When my kids were younger I never left them with anyone. I always took them everywhere with me. Now that they are older I come and go as I please. Dh and I need our time along with family time and our way works fine!

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:34 PM

I very much maintained my sense of self after becoming a Mom. I don't see a thing wrong with wanting and enjoying alone time. I don't understand people that don't want any life beyond their kids, they're terribly boring to me. I skip people's posts that are solely about their kids and their latest gold star or whatever because quite frankly I don't care. Everyone is different. 

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:37 PM
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Just because you are a mom does not mean you are dead lol...I can see her side a little.However I will always put my kids needs ahead of my own.If her dh is ok with it and it isnt affecting her children I see nothing wrong with it.I am home alot,however I get out at least once a month just to have some ''me '' time,just me and dh.

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