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Age appropriate consequences..

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:52 PM
  • 12 Replies

I've heard that extended consequences (punishments) don't work on very young children because they don't connect the consequence to the previous bad behavior.  They have to experience immediate consequence to get the message.  At what age, generally, can extended punishments begin in your opinion?  Things like taking toys for days/weeks, limited screen time for a certain number of days, etc...

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 4:17 AM

4 yrs old, they understand perfectly well.  3 yrs old can sit in timeout but totally understanding why is still a gray area.

kitcal78
by Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:06 AM

 I've having disapline and consequences problems with my 18 month old.  He is truly testing my limits and patience.  Which I am short on.  I was hitting the back of his hands.  That ish doesn't work.  The whole, "give him the face" mess is a joke as well.  He thinks every face is funny.  No matter how stern or serious I anyone else looks.  The boy is like a running stunt child.  He knocks his head and falls on it so much it doesn't phase him.  He jumps off the damn bed, couch, outtaman, chairs, etc. 

He's like a life size ninja/free street runner/stunt kid.  Telling him danger, hot, hurt, etc he doesn't get it.  I have to stop myself from knocking his block head.  Which I'm sure he would laugh at cause he uses his head as a ramming device sometimes.

I'm reading stuff my job gave me and trying it out. I know practice makes perfect.  Even the new stuff isn't holding any effect on him. I'm already graying. He's ramping the process 10 fold.  He's my pooka nooka and love him to pieces.

 I just need him to listen so at least not to hurt himself or someone else's kid.  He started using kids at school as props for his daring stunts.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:13 AM

I don't know ... as I'm not sure I believe in "extended punishment" I don't see the point.  Kids forgive and forget very fast.  I know that I've put DD to bed punished, and she wakes up the next morning all smiles, hugs and sugary sweet like nothing happened.  I've taken stuff away like TV for a couple days or until her room was clean type of deal.  Mine learns really quick too, so she usually doesn't make the same mistake too often.

JennasMom2
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:24 AM

My son is 4 and while I haven't done extended consequences with him (I haven't really needed to) he certainly knows that when he misbehaves he's going to timeout. Truthfully, the extended punishments are more effective for my daughter who is 11.. I can take a toy away from my son, but he'll just find something else to keep him busy. My daughter doesn't play with toys and has less to entertain her. She usually likes to play games on the computer, so when I take that away, she learns the lesson alot more effectively. I would say probably by 5-6 extended consequences would start to work, unless they do something really bad, then I would try younger and see if it's effective, but def. not before 4.

kitcal78
by Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:30 AM

 Mine learns to make the mistake and keeps on doing it. He knows it urks my nerves. I play with him and the dog together and seperately.  We go outside, to the park, walks, etc.  He loves throwing and playing with his ball.  He plays with his schoolmates at daycare five days a week.  On the weekends trying to keep him busy and out of harms way is difficult.  Unfortunately he is too young for time outs. 

I stopping spanking his hands and swatting his butt.  Out of frustration I end up raising my voice a lot at him.  Which he just looks confused about.  Now I yell into a pillow before stopping him from what ever he shouldn't be doing.

I'm hoping I burned some extra calories this weekend running after him.  Which he seems to like.  Chasing him is a game.  I know he does stuff to get my attention.  I can't play with him all day.

JennasMom2
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:56 AM

It sounds like he's looking for negative attention. Have you tried doing something special with him? I would suggest since you say he's active, maybe play with him outside or dance with him and give him an outlet to release his energy, even 20 minutes is good. Then, to calm him down, ask him to do an art project/color or read a book with you. After he has his "mommy time" he might be more interested in independent play and be less interested in negative attention. I'd say you can start trying the time outs... keep putting him back everytime he gets up and stick to your word.  Make him sit there without moving and quietly for 1 minute. Then, go explain to him what he did wrong. Its easy to give up because we just dont want to deal with it anymore but eventually, he'll get it. When he's bad tell him he's making you sad and you don't want to play when he's bad and if he continues he's going to time out. When he's good, make sure you let him know and make it a HUGE deal and give him lots of attention. He will start putting it together. "When I'm good mommy plays with me, when I'm bad mommy is sad." Good luck! It will get better soon!

Quoting kitcal78:

 Mine learns to make the mistake and keeps on doing it. He knows it urks my nerves. I play with him and the dog together and seperately.  We go outside, to the park, walks, etc.  He loves throwing and playing with his ball.  He plays with his schoolmates at daycare five days a week.  On the weekends trying to keep him busy and out of harms way is difficult.  Unfortunately he is too young for time outs. 

I stopping spanking his hands and swatting his butt.  Out of frustration I end up raising my voice a lot at him.  Which he just looks confused about.  Now I yell into a pillow before stopping him from what ever he shouldn't be doing.

I'm hoping I burned some extra calories this weekend running after him.  Which he seems to like.  Chasing him is a game.  I know he does stuff to get my attention.  I can't play with him all day.


KylesMom409
by Linnette on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:42 AM
Bump!
allmy3girls
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 1:09 PM

I dont know what extended consequences( punishment) is  because when my daughter was 2 and she misbehaves she was punished ( naughty chair) until she behaved...we dont believe in spankings...she behaved well after that...now at 4 she rarely acts up...BUT!...when she does I just point to the ( naughty chair) and she responds...my 1yr old twins are becoming into the picture of what will happen...so  they are on  good behavior for now

.Peaches.
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 1:12 PM

I started that when my kids were 3. They were old enough to understand what the got in trouble for and why they were being punished.

12yrmama
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 2:00 PM

Depends on child. When our son was 7 was when I first did a big consequence, he lied about a school grade... we emptied his room of ALL toys and he had to earn them back one bin at a time. lol our dd lost all her toys for first time at 3(nearly 4) because she hit her little sister.

Base it on interests and what it is the reason.... the 4 yrold has a hard time trying new foods so no more desserts Mon-Fri slowly she is learning to eat all of her dinner (its been a month now we'll just keep doing it as long as needed). My son, now 13 yrold, back-talks somedays so he will lose TV THAT day, no matter what. I think whenever the consequence is more immediate the more it sticks, regardless of age.

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