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Homework independance ... what age ? and advise needed

Posted by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:06 AM
  • 21 Replies

My DD is 9 years old and in grade 3, She is in a new school this year and we are getting used to the way things work.  She is also dyslexic so homework is harder on her than an average child.     I ask for her to do it as much as possible on her own but I don't trust her "time management skills"  so every night from 6h30pm to 7h00pm I sit with her and "supervise" her work, guide her through her task sheet.   She told me yesterday she'll get in trouble if her teacher finds out I'm helping her.

So here are my three questions :

  1. At what age did you stop doing this with your children ?
  2. Should I just let her do it on her own and let her get in trouble for un-completed work ?  
  3. Or should I keep doing what I'm doing
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:28 AM

BUMP!

12yrmama
by Bronze Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Depends on the kid. Try backing off a little, but still checking in... ask her what the homework is, have her do it on her own, DON"T LOOK, and make sure it gets in the bookbag. Check in with the teacher as much as possible and ask to see all graded papers. Our school has an online "parent assist" = I can see all the grades as the teachers post them.

I always have my son do homework while I'm cooking/doing dishes. I'm there for questions, but distracted enough not to do it for him (and not to get in the way if he's fine).

He's 13, ADHD and very mild OCD.

JennasMom2
by Bronze Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:28 PM
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Well, here's the thing, you want to help her so she knows what she's doing and understands it, but you don't want to do too much. I would allow her to do it herself and then go over it with her. This way you are just helping her with what she gets wrong and where she needs the assistance. Her teacher may only want her to do it without assistance so she can see where she still needs help or needs to focus on in her lessons. I would ask the teacher directly how much or how little she wants the parents to help. As I mentioned, there may be a reason she doesn't want the parents helping or she may tell you to do it with her. 

Blessed2585
by Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:15 PM

I am sorry to hear about this situation. I don't have kids yet so I can't relate to you on that end but I used to teach and I have never heard of a child getting in trouble for having help. Its one thing to do their homework for them, but there is nothing wrong with helping.

Have you talked to her teacher?

A book that you might find really helpful is The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias. Here is the description for it - Learning styles expert Cynthia Tobias gives parents a better understanding of the types of learning approaches that will help their children do better in school. Once these approaches are understood, any parent or teacher can become more effective in helping any child grasp confusing concepts, stay interested in lessons and utilize his or her greatest strengths. Focus on the Family Recommendation.

Sophie1106
by Paula on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:56 PM
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My daughter is in 2nd grade and I'm trying to let her do as much as possible on her own. If she has questions or doesn't understand the directions, then I explain it to her. When she's done I still check to make sure everything is complete and done correctly. 

Raeann11
by Silver Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 3:23 PM
1 mom liked this

My oldest is 9 years old and they encourage us to sit down with them and help them with there homework. If they don't need it great but they want the parents to be involved. Some nights she doesn't need much of my help. But for reading she reads out loud to us every night for 15-20 mins. Whatever they say on her assignment book.

rootytooty
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 4:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a 2nd and 3rd grader.  At the start of the year, I thought my 3rd grader could handle doing her own stuff.  So I'd ask if she had homework & she usually replied "no".  Well when her first set of graded papers came home, I was surprised by some of her grades.  So now, I go through her backpack every night.  I also keep the little slips our teachers send home showing what's to be done on each day - that way I can check it off as she does it.  I'm hoping next year she'll be a little more independent with her homework.

Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 4:34 PM

I'd say that's around the age I started to take a step back from my dd's homework, I would just oversee what she was doing.  I'd check her agenda to see what was listed for homework and just flip thru her stuff to see if it had been done.  I'd only help her if she had an issue and asked me for help.  I let her know that she was the one that would have to deal with the teacher if she didn't complete her assignments, that I wasn't going to get involved.  She didn't want to be in trouble so she'd complete whatever was given to her.

Once she hit the middle school, I'm monitor her work online, it's great.  I know exactly what she has for homework and if she's actually doing it and handing it in,lol  I still ask to see it every now and then just to keep her on her toes, but she's never given me a problem with doing her homework.  She's even doing the extra credit work the teachers assign.

** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

esox
by Bronze Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

By 3rd grade I'm sure someone has suggested it, but I'll ask anyways. Have you ever tried to use color overlays for her papers & books? Sometimes simply changing the color can help with dyslexia. Yellow, green and red are the most prefered colors and it doesn't work for everyone. Worth a try though! 

Like a previous poster commented. I would ask her to complete the work while you are near by working on dinner or something. You are available for questions and clarifications, but not hovering. Check the work once she is finished and work on questions she may have missed together. Soon enough the Math will be so confusing that you may need a tutor for yourself before you know if it is done correctly or not. lol Math these days is insane! 

*I was a teacher for 7 years.* 

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 9:21 AM
1 mom liked this

 I guess they are trying to teach the kids to be independant !!  There is a meeting at school tonight and I'm hoping to get some one on one time with the teacher to ask a bunch of questions - thank you for the book referal , I will look it up !  :)


Quoting Blessed2585:

I am sorry to hear about this situation. I don't have kids yet so I can't relate to you on that end but I used to teach and I have never heard of a child getting in trouble for having help. Its one thing to do their homework for them, but there is nothing wrong with helping.

Have you talked to her teacher?

A book that you might find really helpful is The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias. Here is the description for it - Learning styles expert Cynthia Tobias gives parents a better understanding of the types of learning approaches that will help their children do better in school. Once these approaches are understood, any parent or teacher can become more effective in helping any child grasp confusing concepts, stay interested in lessons and utilize his or her greatest strengths. Focus on the Family Recommendation.


 

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