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update BM wants to give up her rights so she does not pay CS

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:29 PM
  • 7 Replies

We are in Texas.


Read previous post if you want to know what has been going on.  But BM sent me a tex this evening that she wants to sign her rights away so she does not have to pay child support.  She said she feels if SD is not going to have a relationship with her she should not have to pay.  I called her then she text me she doesnt want to talk...really?  You send THAT text but then dont want to talk??


So she finally called me and said she might not do it but that is where her head is right now.  She said she upset and pissed all over SD taking the kids swimming.  I told her it is not JUST about swimming it is baout EVERYTHING.  Then she said oh yeah all about her stupid life?  I told her she needs to think about this because it is a huge decision because even if SD comes around in 2 years or 6 years BM did this.  She said no SD did this.  I told no matter what is going on SD will remember that SHE signed her rights away.

So I was doing reserch and it says pretty much BM would have to let someone adobt SD to beable to sign her rights away to stop paying CS.  Which I would probably do and SD would be fine with but still.  But can BM choose who adopts SD or does it have to be me?  DH does not want BM to beable to choose who ever she wants.


Also if she does what does the entire process envolve?  Do you have to get atty and go before a judge if everyone agrees?  How much would this usually cost BM and how much would it cost us?

BTW SD is 14 and I have been married to DH for almost 8 years.  SD has refused to see her mom for about 2 months now.  But this has been going on for 10 years


BM called me this morning and we talked.  She asked if I told DH.  Of corse I did.  I said he was upset.  Not about CS but about his daughters mother not wanting to be her mother.  She said she was just mad and "wanted to hurt SD like she has hurt her".  I told her if she EVER wants a relationship with SD even if its 10 years from now this is not how to do it. I told her I dont know when SD will be ready.  It could be a few weeks, months,  years, or never.  I have asked SD and she says years (i told BM this) but if she signs...it will be never.  She said she would never do it.  So we shall see.  I told her to just leave SD alone at this point and only time will tell.  There is nothing she can do right now that will change SDs mind.  

DH called the AG about where they are on the renual so we could prepare for BM.  They said BM sould be getting her letter soon that her CS will be going from183 to around 265.  Then on top of that they will be adding in insurance which they show her to be 100% for and we pay 85.  So thats going to be fun!  We shall see....All I know is SD is the happiest she has been in a loooong time.

by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:29 PM
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Replies (1-7):
TroyboysMom
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 12:39 AM

I'm not familiar with your history, but I will tell you this: definitely consult an attorney. 

Essentially, if you decide to adopt SD, you and your dh will prepare a petition for adoption (with the help of an attorney), and the court will process it. BM will be asked if she agrees. If she does, the court will proceed and it will be finalized, and SD will be your daughter. If BM does not acquiesce, then the petition will be denied, and the situation will basically stay as it is now.  

soymujer
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:02 PM

When my hubby went to court to set up visitation and child support from his ex because she had lost custody, she decided to sign over rights because she didn't want to pay CS either.  They stopped the hearing and both lawyers and the judge all tried to talk her out of it but couldn't.  Since they had a court date for something else, I wouldn't know what it would involved.  I would think it would take her calling up a lawyer and telling them what she wants to do.  Once she signs over rights, she doesn't have any right to say anything about the child.  I am adopting my daughter.

e-doolittle
by Kelly on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:05 PM
Not sure, here's a bump
mommyof3-2008
by on Oct. 15, 2013 at 12:44 PM

bump

Avasmommy12
by on Oct. 15, 2013 at 12:48 PM

get a lawyer ....

JennasMom2
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2013 at 12:57 PM

Keep her paying - don't allow her to sign off rights. If she's not going to be a loving parent, she at least needs to be a responsible one. Coming out and saying something like that, even if you are "mad" is terrible. SD will see her on her terms, but the fact that she said this may have just put an even bigger wedge between them. From the sounds of it, you have been more of a role model and loving parent for her, a piece of paper isn't going to change that - it will just allow Mom to stop paying. At that age, it's tough, especially for girls.  This is NOT something a 14 yr old needs to be worried about. Does she know all of this?

mommyof3-2008
by on Oct. 15, 2013 at 1:13 PM

Does SD know?  Unfortunetly yes.  Sd had my phone when we got the text.  BM knows SDs phone does not work so when I am not at work SD 99% of the time has it.  So she text it.  Do I think it was on purpose?  Yes, will she admit that..no!  SD is beyond pissed.  She cried at first.  She said yes this is what I want but to see it is what she wants hurts.  Which I understand. This is her mom.  No matter what

Quoting JennasMom2:

Keep her paying - don't allow her to sign off rights. If she's not going to be a loving parent, she at least needs to be a responsible one. Coming out and saying something like that, even if you are "mad" is terrible. SD will see her on her terms, but the fact that she said this may have just put an even bigger wedge between them. From the sounds of it, you have been more of a role model and loving parent for her, a piece of paper isn't going to change that - it will just allow Mom to stop paying. At that age, it's tough, especially for girls.  This is NOT something a 14 yr old needs to be worried about. Does she know all of this?


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