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Should I talk to her again

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 9:45 PM
  • 21 Replies
1 mom liked this

So here is a little bit of background on my situation.  This girl I know we will call her Sue well her and I were friends for sometime and she was my one and only true girl best friend.  I mean she was like a sister to me.  But she was not on the same level maturity wise and even though she had two kids and another on the way she just kept making these stupid choices and then blamming others for them.  It got to the point after having her third kid that she would get upset at her mom when her mom would get upset at her for hanging out with her boyfriend instead of being home with her three kids.  Like it's not your moms fault you have three kids that's on you and your mom shouldn't even have to watch your kids.....  I just couldn't put up with it anymore and I stopped talking to her.  She was a big drinker at this time too which I couldn't stand either....  Well she has written me a few times over the past years that we haven't spoken and she has even written my hubs.  She says she's a year sober now, moved to a different state, is with a really great guy, and that she really wants to talk to me again.  I don't know what I should do I mean I loved this girl like a sister.... but I am unsure if I want to reopen that door.  What if she thinks she has her life together but really it's just the same as before.....  Ugh and she sent my hubs a message today which is why I'm thinking about this so hard today... I just really don't know what to do.

by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 9:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:29 PM
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I can't imagine NOT following up with her and seeing how she is doing.

mommy2girls0506
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:40 PM
Quoting Dabberdoo:

I can't imagine NOT following up with her and seeing how she is doing.

I'm fearful cause this girl really didn't have her stuff together before and she totally thought she did...  She was totally missing the bigger picture I guess you could say and I'm torn cause my heart is telling me I should write her and see but my mind is telling me she is more then likey still a mess and thinking she's not....

Dabberdoo
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:52 PM


Quoting mommy2girls0506:
Quoting Dabberdoo:

I can't imagine NOT following up with her and seeing how she is doing.

I'm fearful cause this girl really didn't have her stuff together before and she totally thought she did...  She was totally missing the bigger picture I guess you could say and I'm torn cause my heart is telling me I should write her and see but my mind is telling me she is more then likey still a mess and thinking she's not....

I guess the part I'm not understanding is this.  She lives far away so if she IS still a mess then you can still limit contact, right?  So I don't see what the harm would be.  And maybe she really HAS matured.  I guess I would want to know.  I have a friend who is a felon for drugs and if she ever contacted me and said she had been clean for over a year and wanted to reconnect, I would do it.  I love her.  We've been friends since before Kindergarten.  I wouldn't let her baby sit my kids but I would reconnect on my terms and see how she is doing.  But that's just me.  

MommaVoo
by Ariana on Dec. 18, 2013 at 4:33 AM
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I say give her a chance!

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SylviaNCali
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 6:59 AM
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If you do talk to her again just don't get close to her. Limit your conversations. I couldn't really tolerate a person like her for too long. There is just a certain point in time when it's time to grow up. A mom of 3 should not act too childish.

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alaskadreams
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 7:02 AM
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I would also give her a chance.  If it sounds like she's still not "up to par" for you than tell her.  I get that it is stressful when it seems so clear to you but she's just not getting it.  Takes a lot out of you.  Or you could also let her know that if you DO get back in contact with her that there cannot be the negativity that there was before and that when/if she does complain about something along those old lines you will call her on it.

teri4lance
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 7:02 AM
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I think I would give her another chance. Just to talk. She's far enough away that she can't really cause any real harm to your house hold. Just ask yourself if you have ever needed someone to give you a second Chance.
saltlifemama
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 8:09 AM
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I would at least give her the benfit of the doubt. You don't have to become best friends all over again in order to see how she is.

mommy2girls0506
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 4:14 PM
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Quoting Dabberdoo:


Quoting mommy2girls0506:
Quoting Dabberdoo:

I can't imagine NOT following up with her and seeing how she is doing.

I'm fearful cause this girl really didn't have her stuff together before and she totally thought she did...  She was totally missing the bigger picture I guess you could say and I'm torn cause my heart is telling me I should write her and see but my mind is telling me she is more then likey still a mess and thinking she's not....

I guess the part I'm not understanding is this.  She lives far away so if she IS still a mess then you can still limit contact, right?  So I don't see what the harm would be.  And maybe she really HAS matured.  I guess I would want to know.  I have a friend who is a felon for drugs and if she ever contacted me and said she had been clean for over a year and wanted to reconnect, I would do it.  I love her.  We've been friends since before Kindergarten.  I wouldn't let her baby sit my kids but I would reconnect on my terms and see how she is doing.  But that's just me.  

I hadn't really thought about that.  I mean I live in a different state now too so I totally see your point.  Thanks for replying.  I really hope she is clean but like you said if she's not I can stay away and it be on my terms.

mommy2girls0506
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 9:14 PM

That was the big thing that drove us apart was how childish she still acted and how her having three kids alone was everyone else's fault but her own.   But I am thinking about talking to her again and just seeing how she really is.

Quoting SylviaNCali:

If you do talk to her again just don't get close to her. Limit your conversations. I couldn't really tolerate a person like her for too long. There is just a certain point in time when it's time to grow up. A mom of 3 should not act too childish.


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