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Meddling in your kid's frienships !?!?!? *EDITED WITH CONCLUSION*

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:30 PM
  • 28 Replies
1 mom liked this

DD and her best friend Maggie met last summer, since then, they've been like 2 peas in a pod.  They go to the same school, we live just about 1 mile apart, they got together several times a week, at some point almost daily, school night or not, Maggie and DD were together ; practically inseparable.

I know Maggie is a moody little girl, she is medicated for school (some concentration issue) she is a quiet child who is the baby of the family and very much coddled by her mother.  I know my daughter is bossy, she is very outgoing/extraverted, she is an only child so used to be "king of the hill". 

Came Christmas break my daughter called Maggie almost daily, but she never wanted to get together.   I spoke to the mom after a couple weeks and she told me that her daughter just spent the holidays alone, watching TV 10 hours a day, she was just in one of her moods.   Then,  since the beggining of 2014 the relationship is almost nil.   Maggie's mom called me a few weeks back and wanted to talk to me about issues between DD and Maggie.  Apparently my daughter is quite the instigator and I was a little shocked at what I heard, DH thought I should not meddle in DD's friendship, she is, after all, 10 years old.  So I let it go.  Once in a while I would ask DD about Maggie and she'd say things are fine and to let it go, to please not get involved.  FFW to today ... I get another call from Maggie's mom regarding issues ; but she says some stories have changed since last time and she thinks the best thing would be to set up a "meeting" us moms and the girls to talk things through...  she offered to go for Lunch at McDonald's on Saturday.

In a way I don't want their awesome friendship to die.  On the other hand I don't know how I feel about a whole "meeting" with the girls to hash out emotional diarhea. 

What would you do ???

**EDIT**

We had the "meeting" story posted on Page 2

by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommy2Malaika
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:40 PM

 Thats a tough 1....I have a 9 yr DD and I feel alot like you, I dont want to see a friendship end, but then again that's life. It's your call, but maybe there are other issues her mother would like to discuss? Who knows, I mean as long as shes not bashing your kid, it might not hurt. Do you get along with the mother as well??

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:48 PM

 yes I get along with the mom !  We go to school meetings together, her husband is my snow removal service, they are good people.  I know things need to get fixed between the two girls, I know Maggie talks with her mom A LOT, and tells her things, and sometimes, facts get exagerated.  Hence, my comment about stories changing, the mom had told me a story before about how DD took money from her daughter, but today the mom told me Maggie had in fact, given DD the money (HUGE DIFFERENCE HERE !!!)  given the dramatic plunge the friendship has taken I would like to see the friendship rekindled to what it once was.  But not sure parents need to get involved at this point.  *sigh*

Quoting Mommy2Malaika:

 Thats a tough 1....I have a 9 yr DD and I feel alot like you, I dont want to see a friendship end, but then again that's life. It's your call, but maybe there are other issues her mother would like to discuss? Who knows, I mean as long as shes not bashing your kid, it might not hurt. Do you get along with the mother as well??

 

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 4:58 PM

Ah, I really don't know. 

My son is 11 and has tons of acquaintances, but really no friends. I think my daughter is the same way. It hurts me to know that they don't really have friends but it's their own immature actions that make it that way. 

Mommy2Malaika
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 5:10 PM

 Yea, I almost get the feeling that she's going to pin point the issues to your daughter. That's tough, I mean i totally understand where you are coming from. Ughhhhhh Y doesn't parenting come with a handbook??? Lol

Quoting Jinxed8:

 yes I get along with the mom !  We go to school meetings together, her husband is my snow removal service, they are good people.  I know things need to get fixed between the two girls, I know Maggie talks with her mom A LOT, and tells her things, and sometimes, facts get exagerated.  Hence, my comment about stories changing, the mom had told me a story before about how DD took money from her daughter, but today the mom told me Maggie had in fact, given DD the money (HUGE DIFFERENCE HERE !!!)  given the dramatic plunge the friendship has taken I would like to see the friendship rekindled to what it once was.  But not sure parents need to get involved at this point.  *sigh*

Quoting Mommy2Malaika:

 Thats a tough 1....I have a 9 yr DD and I feel alot like you, I dont want to see a friendship end, but then again that's life. It's your call, but maybe there are other issues her mother would like to discuss? Who knows, I mean as long as shes not bashing your kid, it might not hurt. Do you get along with the mother as well??

 

 

Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:10 AM
1 mom liked this

I understand where you are coming from...

My dd's best friend lives around the corner.  They have been tight ever since we moved to the block.  They are in the same grade and have some of the same classes together.  Of course they ride the bus together.  They text each other all of the time and are together a lot after school at one of the houses.

There have been occasions when I can tell something is off, and I will ask my dd what happened, sometimes she'll tell me and other times she's tight lipped.  Both girls have some of the same triats, although my dd tends to be a bit more sarcastic, which I've spoken to her about.  I can't get all that mad at her since both my SO and I are extremely sarcastic.

I am friendly with her mom, but we both have decided that the girls can handle their own issues, especially since there's no blood shed involved,lol  The girls do just that, usually within days of what ever issue it may be they are back to being chummy again.

Maybe go out with the mom and your dd's friend, but let the girls sit at their own table and let them be the ones to hash it out.  In my opinion there is no need for an adult to carry the conversation, I'm sure the girls will do just fine on their own.


** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

wendythewriter
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know that you need to get involved, exactly, but it does sound like some parental prodding might be needed to get the girls to talk it out. It seems that they're both wanting to simply ignore it and make it go away. I would go, but I would limit the parental discussion of things. If the girls seem determined not to talk, then I'd hear the other mother out on what she says her daughter said, and ask your daughter to give you her version of things (moving to another table for that discussion, of course), to see if this is something that can be worked out, or if it's time for everyone to simply accept that the friendship is over.

And if the friendship is over, it doesn't have to be a horrible thing. Some friendships simply run their course. It doesn't make either person a bad person, it just happens.

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:29 AM
I'm not sure but regardless, I hope everything ends up working out for everyone.
KikiKia
by Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:32 AM

I probably would not get involved.  I think friendships are organic and should not be forced.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 9:39 AM

Well I told Maggie's mom that DD did not want me to get involved so I didn't feel comfortable breaking her trust like that.  But then she told me that Maggie had spoken to DD about it and that DD was fine with it.  Funny enough, DD went there yesterday after school and stayed for dinner.  When I picked DD up all the girls could talk about is McDonald's on Saturday.  So I guess we're doing this *sigh*  however, when we got home DD told me she was mad that the moms are getting involved and she wants to deal with Maggie on her own, at her own table.  The whole thing is pointless.  The big problem is Maggie ratts out everything to her mom and of course, everything is always instigated by DD or DD's fault.  However, with time the stories change.  DD claims that Maggie is the one who's being "bitchy" and can't take a joke.  If the girls can't come to a concensus normally (like say ... last night would have been a good time to talk things out ??)  I don't see the difference McDonald's will make. But I guess I'll see what gives tomorrow.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I understand where you are coming from...

My dd's best friend lives around the corner.  They have been tight ever since we moved to the block.  They are in the same grade and have some of the same classes together.  Of course they ride the bus together.  They text each other all of the time and are together a lot after school at one of the houses.

There have been occasions when I can tell something is off, and I will ask my dd what happened, sometimes she'll tell me and other times she's tight lipped.  Both girls have some of the same triats, although my dd tends to be a bit more sarcastic, which I've spoken to her about.  I can't get all that mad at her since both my SO and I are extremely sarcastic.

I am friendly with her mom, but we both have decided that the girls can handle their own issues, especially since there's no blood shed involved,lol  The girls do just that, usually within days of what ever issue it may be they are back to being chummy again.

Maybe go out with the mom and your dd's friend, but let the girls sit at their own table and let them be the ones to hash it out.  In my opinion there is no need for an adult to carry the conversation, I'm sure the girls will do just fine on their own.


 

JennasMom2
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 9:51 AM

I understand where you are coming from, I have an 11 yr old daughter.  I would say that at this point, it's probably safe to do the McDonalds thing esp. since your dd is ok with it. Honestly, the girls are still young and they may just need some guidance on friendship and how to get past little hangs up they may have. It could be a good thing for both the girls. My Mom and my friends Mom's were always involved with us when I was younger, not to the point where it was annoying but they helped us talk things through if we had issues. I think it made our relationships stronger. 

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