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At what age?

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:24 PM
  • 31 Replies

At what age do you stop making your children attend family events such as weddings, cookouts, non major holidays (Memorial Day BBQ, Good Friday crawfish boil, etc.)? My children are 6 and 11. They are fine going to my mom's house for holidays and stuff but when it comes to MIL's neither of them like going over there. She smokes in her house, it's always hot and she's not that nice. Usually my kids prefer to stay at my grandma's or my moms house when we go and I've never had a problem with this. Recently my MIL mentioned being upset that I never make the kids go to her house. 

Now, MIL lives about 10 minutes away, has a car and can come here any time she wants. She usually prefers to spend her time in a bar (it's her friends bar and although she does drink occasionally, it's not like she's rip roaring drunk 24/7). My point is that if she misses the kids enough, she knows where we live. Am I wrong for not making them come? We do make them come for holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Easter and for any birthday celebrations. 

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by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mjimaging
by Melissa on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:35 PM
I wouldn't even go if he smokes in her house. I don't think I'd make them go but I'm pretty anti smoking.
diaperstodating
by Angel on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:39 PM
My mother in law lives about 10 minutes away. She smokes and we don't go to her house often. She is welcome to our house anytime she is off every Tuesday and Thursday and on the weekends. She came to our house four times in 2013.
countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:19 PM


Quoting mjimaging: I wouldn't even go if he smokes in her house. I don't think I'd make them go but I'm pretty anti smoking.

So are we:/ My parents smoked in the house until I was in middle school and my doctor told my mom that she was the cause of my constant illnesses. DH's parents smoked in their house and never stopped. He never realized how bad it stinks until he and I moved in together and I wouldn't allow smoking in our house. Once we would leave from his parents house he would notice how bad it was. 

We don't go often. For major holidays they smoke outside in the garage so it's not that bad. It's mostly when MIL cooks for us or like I mentioned, smaller holidays. That's when everyone smokes in the house. Not sure what the difference is. 

I don't even like going that much but it's my MIL, kwim?

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_Meg_
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:34 PM

If it was me in this situation? Since she only lives 10 minutes away, I'd invite MIL over to MY house. Doesn't have to be a holiday...I'd just invite her over to spend time with the kids! Your kids will feel more comfortable on their own turf, and she'll get to see them...win-win! If she can't manage that and still keeps asking why they don't come over, I'd just let her know that I won't force my kids to sit in someone's cigarette smoke because it's unhealthy and they don't like it. 

And no, I don't think you're wrong for allowing them to skip out on a situation where they are uncomfortable. It just makes EVERYONE miserable if you force them to go. And the cigarette smoke is a concern as well. 

jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't even make them go for major holiday's.  But then...*I* wouldn't go either.  I can't be in places where people smoke in the house.  I have migraines for a couple of days afterward.  And it's not worth the health risks to expose my kids to that. 

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:58 PM


Quoting _Meg_:

If it was me in this situation? Since she only lives 10 minutes away, I'd invite MIL over to MY house. Doesn't have to be a holiday...I'd just invite her over to spend time with the kids! Your kids will feel more comfortable on their own turf, and she'll get to see them...win-win! If she can't manage that and still keeps asking why they don't come over, I'd just let her know that I won't force my kids to sit in someone's cigarette smoke because it's unhealthy and they don't like it. 

And no, I don't think you're wrong for allowing them to skip out on a situation where they are uncomfortable. It just makes EVERYONE miserable if you force them to go. And the cigarette smoke is a concern as well. 

See, the thing is...I don't really think she cares if she sees them or not. She's one of those who carries their picture in her wallet and sticks them to her refrigerator and brags about them but other than that she's not really involved. Even when she comes to our house it's for 10 minutes tops, because then she has to leave to go smoke. And when she does come we have a hard time keeping them in the living room to visit with her. They just aren't that interested. 

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countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:00 AM


Quoting jackiewal10:

I wouldn't even make them go for major holiday's.  But then...*I* wouldn't go either.  I can't be in places where people smoke in the house.  I have migraines for a couple of days afterward.  And it's not worth the health risks to expose my kids to that. 

On the big holidays it's not so bad because everyone smokes in the garage and SIL cracks the windows  because she knows how DH and I feel about the smoke. Of course they think we are stupid because after all, they were raised around smoke and came out fine *eyeroll*.


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jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 12:04 AM


Quoting countrymomma81:

Quoting jackiewal10:

I wouldn't even make them go for major holiday's.  But then...*I* wouldn't go either.  I can't be in places where people smoke in the house.  I have migraines for a couple of days afterward.  And it's not worth the health risks to expose my kids to that. 

On the big holidays it's not so bad because everyone smokes in the garage and SIL cracks the windows  because she knows how DH and I feel about the smoke. Of course they think we are stupid because after all, they were raised around smoke and came out fine *eyeroll*.

Doesn't matter.  They smoke in their house, what...360 days a year then??  It's everywhere.  In their clothes, curtains, carpet, paint on the walls, etc.  Just because for ONE day, they smoke in the garage, doesn't mean that 1.) their house doesn't still reak and 2.) that there aren't health dangers.  2nd and 3rd hand smoke are still dangerous. 

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 1:47 AM

You are wrong only if you dont mention the reason behind their lack of interest in visiting her, that they love her but they dont love the atmosphere they would be in when at her home.

ambcortez
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 1:50 AM

I think what you're doing is what I would choose to do if I were in your shoes. I don't see anything wrong with it and like you said, she can always come to you.

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