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thoughts on shared custody

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:33 AM
  • 10 Replies

Are any moms on here have shared custody of their kids ?

I have full custody of my daughter.  Even pre-divorce, I was pretty much raising my daughter on my own since she was 4.  (My ex-husband worked 12 hour shifts, alternating between day and night)  My daughter is now 10 years old and my XH has now decided that he would like shared custody (he basically can't afford to pay the child support is  what it is...)  I offered that he take DD every Thursday, and Thursday to Sunday on the weeks that he's suppose to take her for the weekend.  But he's not up for that.  He brainwashes my DD when she goes there on the weekend and guilt trips her telling her that he misses her and wants more time with her.

All of a sudden DD is expressing wanting to go to her dad more.  I HONESTLY, TRULY don't think it's the best thing for her, I think this will throw her out of wack and utimately she will not be happy there.  Once custody is changed, there is no going back.  Should I let her decide? I'm torn at this point.  When I first got the papers,  I was crying, I called a lawyer etc but I don't want DD to resent me later and say that I kept her away from her father ...

Thoughts ?

by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:57 AM

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.

** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

LadyEmrys
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 10:57 AM
Hmm. Is there a way to do it 'unofficially' so that it isn't court mandated but she gets more time with her dad? That way when she realizes she doesn't really want to spend all that time with him it is her choice and you can go back to normal without legal nonsense?
Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:18 AM

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.

 

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:19 AM

 yes it is an option I'm considering - we could do this through a lawyer as a trial run.  I don't want my daughter to think / resent me for keeping her away from her father. 

Quoting LadyEmrys: Hmm. Is there a way to do it 'unofficially' so that it isn't court mandated but she gets more time with her dad? That way when she realizes she doesn't really want to spend all that time with him it is her choice and you can go back to normal without legal nonsense?

 

Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:35 AM

I'm sorry, that sucks!  You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...  Maybe you might want to try explaining to your dd exactly how things really are, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to spend more time with him.  Maybe remind her of all the times he's let her down...  That the arrangement you have is in her best interest, you never know she just might get it...


Quoting Jinxed8:

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.



** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:56 AM

 I wish ... trust me, last week I bit my tongue SO HARD not to tell the truth about everything that's going on.  He officially recanted his authorisation to travel and threatened to call the authorities because he's pissed at me, and that put all our vacation plans on hold, (not to mention that in the mean time, flights have gone up $75 per ticket)  until I get the court order taken care of (he gets served Next Monday)

When I talk to her and explain things to her, she agrees.  She damn well knows her father won't sit with her for an hour every night for homework and studies, she knows he won't sit there and help her make paper mitains and puppets for her presentations... she will have to deal with her step-sister aka evil child on a daily basis if she goes there.  She had come up herself with the Thursday idea, but when she mentionned it he told her that "that's not what he wanted" which just goes to show that he doesn't care about what's best for her or her wants and needs, only his own.  But she feels guilty and carries the weight of her dad on her shoulder.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I'm sorry, that sucks!  You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...  Maybe you might want to try explaining to your dd exactly how things really are, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to spend more time with him.  Maybe remind her of all the times he's let her down...  That the arrangement you have is in her best interest, you never know she just might get it...

Quoting Jinxed8:

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.

 

 

Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 12:09 PM

Wow Really!  I'd remind him that unpaid child support gets him a trip to jail should you be so incline to call the authorities and report him!

My SO's sister has her ex tossed in jail a lot for missed child support,lol  He's an a$$ too!

Quoting Jinxed8:

 I wish ... trust me, last week I bit my tongue SO HARD not to tell the truth about everything that's going on.  He officially recanted his authorisation to travel and threatened to call the authorities because he's pissed at me, and that put all our vacation plans on hold, (not to mention that in the mean time, flights have gone up $75 per ticket)  until I get the court order taken care of (he gets served Next Monday)

When I talk to her and explain things to her, she agrees.  She damn well knows her father won't sit with her for an hour every night for homework and studies, she knows he won't sit there and help her make paper mitains and puppets for her presentations... she will have to deal with her step-sister aka evil child on a daily basis if she goes there.  She had come up herself with the Thursday idea, but when she mentionned it he told her that "that's not what he wanted" which just goes to show that he doesn't care about what's best for her or her wants and needs, only his own.  But she feels guilty and carries the weight of her dad on her shoulder.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I'm sorry, that sucks!  You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...  Maybe you might want to try explaining to your dd exactly how things really are, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to spend more time with him.  Maybe remind her of all the times he's let her down...  That the arrangement you have is in her best interest, you never know she just might get it...

Quoting Jinxed8:

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.




** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 1:10 PM

Well part of me wishes that when he gets served, he chooses to go to court so that the judge can get an ear full from me.  Maybe the judge can put his foot down about custody as well right off the bat.

Quoting Briesmom38:

Wow Really!  I'd remind him that unpaid child support gets him a trip to jail should you be so incline to call the authorities and report him!

My SO's sister has her ex tossed in jail a lot for missed child support,lol  He's an a$$ too!

Quoting Jinxed8:

 I wish ... trust me, last week I bit my tongue SO HARD not to tell the truth about everything that's going on.  He officially recanted his authorisation to travel and threatened to call the authorities because he's pissed at me, and that put all our vacation plans on hold, (not to mention that in the mean time, flights have gone up $75 per ticket)  until I get the court order taken care of (he gets served Next Monday)

When I talk to her and explain things to her, she agrees.  She damn well knows her father won't sit with her for an hour every night for homework and studies, she knows he won't sit there and help her make paper mitains and puppets for her presentations... she will have to deal with her step-sister aka evil child on a daily basis if she goes there.  She had come up herself with the Thursday idea, but when she mentionned it he told her that "that's not what he wanted" which just goes to show that he doesn't care about what's best for her or her wants and needs, only his own.  But she feels guilty and carries the weight of her dad on her shoulder.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I'm sorry, that sucks!  You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...  Maybe you might want to try explaining to your dd exactly how things really are, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to spend more time with him.  Maybe remind her of all the times he's let her down...  That the arrangement you have is in her best interest, you never know she just might get it...

Quoting Jinxed8:

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.

 

 

 

Briesmom38
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 1:15 PM

I wish you lots of luck!!!

Quoting Jinxed8:

Well part of me wishes that when he gets served, he chooses to go to court so that the judge can get an ear full from me.  Maybe the judge can put his foot down about custody as well right off the bat.

Quoting Briesmom38:

Wow Really!  I'd remind him that unpaid child support gets him a trip to jail should you be so incline to call the authorities and report him!

My SO's sister has her ex tossed in jail a lot for missed child support,lol  He's an a$$ too!

Quoting Jinxed8:

 I wish ... trust me, last week I bit my tongue SO HARD not to tell the truth about everything that's going on.  He officially recanted his authorisation to travel and threatened to call the authorities because he's pissed at me, and that put all our vacation plans on hold, (not to mention that in the mean time, flights have gone up $75 per ticket)  until I get the court order taken care of (he gets served Next Monday)

When I talk to her and explain things to her, she agrees.  She damn well knows her father won't sit with her for an hour every night for homework and studies, she knows he won't sit there and help her make paper mitains and puppets for her presentations... she will have to deal with her step-sister aka evil child on a daily basis if she goes there.  She had come up herself with the Thursday idea, but when she mentionned it he told her that "that's not what he wanted" which just goes to show that he doesn't care about what's best for her or her wants and needs, only his own.  But she feels guilty and carries the weight of her dad on her shoulder.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I'm sorry, that sucks!  You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...  Maybe you might want to try explaining to your dd exactly how things really are, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to spend more time with him.  Maybe remind her of all the times he's let her down...  That the arrangement you have is in her best interest, you never know she just might get it...

Quoting Jinxed8:

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.





** It's 5 O'clock Somewhere **

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 1:27 PM

 thank you!!  After he gets served, he has 10 days to react.  He can either call my lawyer's office to accept, go sign there and then the lawyer will have it stamped by a judge.  He can decline, therefore we go to court.  (But I doubt he has the money for a lawyer) If we go to court, and he doesn't show up, I win by default (and I doubt he'll show up as he just started a new job and court takes place during business hours) We already have a court date.

Following the authorization to travel business, then we'll have to see about custody... this will either 1) light a fire under his ass or 2) scare him into submission since he'll see I"m not kidding anymore.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I wish you lots of luck!!!

Quoting Jinxed8:

Well part of me wishes that when he gets served, he chooses to go to court so that the judge can get an ear full from me.  Maybe the judge can put his foot down about custody as well right off the bat.

Quoting Briesmom38:

Wow Really!  I'd remind him that unpaid child support gets him a trip to jail should you be so incline to call the authorities and report him!

My SO's sister has her ex tossed in jail a lot for missed child support,lol  He's an a$$ too!

Quoting Jinxed8:

 I wish ... trust me, last week I bit my tongue SO HARD not to tell the truth about everything that's going on.  He officially recanted his authorisation to travel and threatened to call the authorities because he's pissed at me, and that put all our vacation plans on hold, (not to mention that in the mean time, flights have gone up $75 per ticket)  until I get the court order taken care of (he gets served Next Monday)

When I talk to her and explain things to her, she agrees.  She damn well knows her father won't sit with her for an hour every night for homework and studies, she knows he won't sit there and help her make paper mitains and puppets for her presentations... she will have to deal with her step-sister aka evil child on a daily basis if she goes there.  She had come up herself with the Thursday idea, but when she mentionned it he told her that "that's not what he wanted" which just goes to show that he doesn't care about what's best for her or her wants and needs, only his own.  But she feels guilty and carries the weight of her dad on her shoulder.

Quoting Briesmom38:

I'm sorry, that sucks!  You're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...  Maybe you might want to try explaining to your dd exactly how things really are, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to spend more time with him.  Maybe remind her of all the times he's let her down...  That the arrangement you have is in her best interest, you never know she just might get it...

Quoting Jinxed8:

Yes I do know about your arrangement but in my case it's a little different ; DD still goes there 1 weekend out of 2.  And it's been working fine for the past 4 years.  All of a sudden he's aiming for 1 week / 1 week.  I think it's a horrible idea but DD is getting brain washed when she goes there every second weekend, and she ended up screaming at me last week telling me I can't keep her away from her father if she wants to see him.  I have sent her to see the school psychologist to get her professional opinion. DD has already been once, she is suppose to see the Psych again this week and I am anxiously waiting for a follow up call.

On the other hand I'm thinking maybe I'll let her go on a trial run so she can see that it's a bad idea but then again it could bite me in the butt after.  Child support is really not that much.  He just doesn't know how to prioritize his money.  He drives an Infinity FFS !  I bet you the car payments are more than what he pays me in child support. Right now he owes me 2 months of unpaid child support. And it's a 50/50 chance whether the March check will bounce or not !

I'm just super bummed about this right now.  The easier route for me would be to let her go ... hey I'd get 1 week out of 2  child free !  I could go on a romantic get away with DH, a long weekend in Vegas, sleep in, eat spicy food every night, be free of *&%$#@ lunches, go to the movies in the middle of the week ... you get the drill.  But I am convinced that XH may lay it on thick at first but it will turn ugly real quick.  DD is dyslexic and needs a lot of help with her homework and school projects, she needs a steady routine.  I don't want this crap to affect her grades or attitude. The teacher has already mentionned to me that she sees a clear cut difference on the Mondays she has been at her dad's for the weekend vs my house.   But like I said, I doubt XH will ever walk away from his daughter completely (unfortunately) or let her walk away

Quoting Briesmom38:

You know by now that I have full-sole custody of my dd.  She doesn't see my ex and I don't receive child support.  Not that he's not supposed to pay, but I haven't seen any $$ in 6 years, anyway...  My dd has made up her own mind about never wanting to see her father, she knows what an a$$ he is.  I've been very honest with her and upfront about everything, without bad mouthing him.  Like me she has no use for him or his family.  Everything I have done, I've done in her best interest.  There was a time when she wanted to see him, and I still wouldn't let her, she was younger then and she didn't really have a clue.

I will tell you my cousin had shared custody of her 2 kids when they were younger.  It was because the dad didn't want to pay a pile of child support.  Both parents had to live close to each other so the kids could still attend the same school, they lived with one parent half of the week and the other parent the other half of the week.  It was horrible.  I can't tell you how many times one of the kids would forget something they needed at the other parent's house.  Or who was picking who up from school.  The father would bad mouth my cousin to the point that her son resents her, and now that they are older the son lives with the father full time and the daughter lives with her mom.  

You're right once custody has changed there is no going back.  You know your ex, you know what he's capable of...  I wouldn't change the custody arrangement.  If you can what about seeing if he'd agree to a reduction in child support while still having the same arrangements?  He may not push so hard to share custody if he doesn't have to pay so much in support.

 

 

 

 

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